Manipulation
by clear shot
Summary: ch12 is here. a dark story not for the happy crowd. Rei and Shinji unlike the others r.r plz
1. manipulation is the key

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters, for if I did I would be rich and not writing fanfics. Gainax and ADV films own them and it would be pointless suing me, as I have no money. I'm just a fan.  
  
A/n: I'll try and keep the people in character for as long as possible but who knows how they would act if different situations were thrown at them. The story is just gonna get darker and darker chapter by chapter.  
  
"This is someone talking" =This is someone thinking=  
  
Chapter: 1 manipulation is the key  
  
(2 weeks before Shinji originally has his first encounter with an angel and the Eva's)  
  
Shinji is suddenly woken from his sleep with a cold sweat and a heavy felling in his chest. =When will I ever hear from you again? Why do I always have a sinking feeling that it will be soon?=  
  
Just then the phone rang, making Shinji jump from his thoughts.  
  
"Hello?" no sound but he knew that someone would answer. "Hello Shinji, I need you to come to Tokyo-3 right now. I require your presence."  
  
=FATHER!! It can't be=  
  
"Umm.. Father?"  
  
"I have arranged a ride for you this evening, be ready at seven", just then Shinji heard a click.  
  
=After all these years why does he call and ask to see me, and with such coldness in his voice. He knows I can't turn this down, I'll be ready...I hope.=  
  
At seven on the dot a car arrived and Shinji knew this was it. He stepped in and the driver simply said "I'm instructed to accompany you to the train station and you are to take the 8 o'clock train to Tokyo-3, here is your ticket."  
  
No more was spoken between the two. Shinji was trying to compose his thoughts, trying to think of something to say to his father when he saw him again.  
  
Shinji took the train still lost in his thoughts. =It must be another dream, he couldn't possibly want anything with me. But never has a dream felt this real. I know this is going to be one of the hardest things in my life.= Little did Shinji know, this was going to be the least of his worries.  
  
It was nearing 11 when the train stopped. =I'm here.=  
  
"Hey you're Shinji Ikari right?" Shinji heard a woman's voice shout out to him.  
  
"I'm Misato and I'll be taking you to NERV."  
  
"Nice to meet you miss Misato"  
  
Misato tried to make conversation over the uncomfortable silence in the car. "So Shinji, you're the commanders son huh?"  
  
"Yeah." Shinji said with no enthusiasm.  
  
"Gee don't we sound happy." Shinji just stared off into space before he said just above a whisper, "I haven't seen him in 7 years, why now"  
  
Misato knew this was going to be a long ride. "Just try and cheer up"  
  
Just then they pulled up to NERV headquarters and they were then lowered down into a geo-front. Misato saw Shinji's eyes light up, but still no one said a word. =Poor kid, I wonder how this big change is gonna affect him... and the commander?= Misato thought as the reached the bottom.  
  
"Don't worry Shinji, we're going to take care of you here. You'll be feeling at home in no time at all." Misato then gestured her trademark peace sign with a wink of her eye. Shinji could only think, =is this what I want, a place to feel at home with. Or just a place that gives comfort for once?"=  
  
Getting out of the car and walking to the large security door both of them were quite surprised at what they saw when the door opened.  
  
"I'll take it from here." Gendo said in a commanding voice.  
  
Shinji saw his father glaring at him when he spoke.  
  
=I mustn't run away.=  
  
Misato disappeared faster than Shinji could even acknowledge it. "Follow me third child." Shinji was nearly put into shock at how his father didn't even say his name. Only referring to him as a number.  
  
Gendo walked down a few dark hallways with Shinji following with his head hung. They stopped in front of a door just as the hallways started to get brighter.  
  
Gendo turned and said, "you have to be a pilot for the Evangelion unit 01" his voice was without emotion, no... there was almost anger in his voice.  
  
Shinji stammered out, "why should I? I knew you were just going to use me,"  
  
"Maybe so. but nonetheless you're going to do this. Just as your mother did." Just the thought of his mother made Shinji remember how angry he had always been with his father.  
  
"I. I. can't do this for you."  
  
=He's just about to give, I can see it in his weak eyes= Gendo thought.  
  
"Fine then if you don't do it I'll get someone else" Shinji was surprised and confused all at once.  
  
"In fact I already have someone else" Gendo said as he opened the door to reveal a hospital room.  
  
=He will always be weak. He's still as I remember. He will be easy to control.=  
  
In the bed was a young girl wrapped in so many blood stained bandages. She was asleep but you could see the discomfort in here face. Shinji was almost in tears, for he knew that she was the other pilot.  
  
"She will die if she has to do it again, and it has to be done. You'll do it and follow my every command. Or she will do it and she will die a most painful death." Gendo said with such a hating and heartless voice that Shinji grabbed on to the doorframe from fear of collapsing at such words.  
  
With that Gendo left down the hall with a grin on his face that was so fiendish it could have toppled the strongest will. =That takes care of him for now. I just have to make sure I can keep Rei in check with all that is to transpire=  
  
"I have to do it." Shinji then slowly walked into the room and said down on the chair next to the bed. "How could anyone be this cruel...I'm the only one who can help her." He saw by her face that she had been crying. He didn't know if the pain was physical or not.  
  
"I have to."  
  
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Author's notes: ok so that's my first chapter. If I get one positive review I will continue writing, or one that ask me to just continue writing. And criticism is welcome as long as it's constructive. This is my first fanfic ever so I await your advice and comments. And I'll make the chapters longer little by little; I'm still just testing the waters. 


	2. how far would you go?

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters.  
  
A/n: as I said before, its gonna get a little darker. Hope you like how it's going so far though. Oh and sorry about the mistakes but they've been fixed. Oh and Gendo may be out of character to some people. But I think he came out pretty cold myself.  
  
Chapter: 2 how far would you go?  
  
Shinji came to realize that life in Toky-3 was going to be at the very best hopeless for him. =I don't know how much I can take, if it weren't for this girl I would have been gone and my suffering would be over. Now I see my father's true nature.=  
  
The girl then began to stir and her eyes met Shinji's. Shinji didn't move and the girl gave a look of relief when she saw who it was, or who it wasn't. =Who.why would he.= Rei then fell back into her slumber with a better feeling in her chest.  
  
=Had she heard our conversation?= Shinji thought.  
  
Misato then burst into the room trying to keep a low profile, but had of course failed. "Shinji we should let her rest, I'm gonna take you to your new place" =once I find out where it is.=  
  
Shinji took one last look and followed Misato out the door. "I guess I'll take you to the cafeteria until we get your place ready."  
  
=I can tell by the look on his face he's not going to be staying with his father.= Shinji was just listening to his SDAT player by himself. Misato was sitting across from him staring blankly at the wall.  
  
=I don't know what to say to him, I know how the commander can be sometimes. Best to let him think.=  
  
Misato's cell phone rang as she slowly came out of her trance and answered. Shinji saw her just nodding in acknowledgment to whatever the voice was telling her.  
  
=I just want to sleep and have this day finish... why is she being so nice and keeping me company? Oh, yeah, right... its part of her job. =  
  
"Ok Shinji you have your own bachelor pad. You have the whole city to your advantage. Except me of course." Misato smiled and Shinji just said plainly, "yes miss Misato," with a small blush on his cheeks.  
  
=I would have let him stay with me, but the commander specifically ask that he have his own place. It would help him cope with his change faster. What change I wonder?=  
  
"Lets get going Mr. punctuality, I know you want to get settled."  
  
When they were in the car Misato suddenly said, "hey I have a great idea, I know a really cool place I think you should see." =This may help him relax a bit. =  
  
They drove up to a hill and walked onto a side covered with grass. From there you can see the whole city in all its glory. "I come here when I feel like I'm forgetting what NERV is for. I wanted you to know about this place. I haven't told anyone about it before. I thought that maybe this would cheer you up."  
  
"Its very beautiful miss Misato." Misato and Shinji sat on the grass and just gazed at the city for a good minute or two.  
  
"When the suns about to set something really amazing happens. You should come here again when you have things settled. Bring someone special with you next time." Shinji was a bit confused but didn't want to question her.  
  
=Someone special...I don't have anyone special to me=  
  
Misato almost bit her tongue cause she could almost hear Shinji's thoughts. He was new in town and didn't know anyone. "Ok Shinji, lets get going"  
  
Driving up to a run down apartment building Misato thought, =what a dump this place is. I'm sure this is the right place...oh wait...this is the same apartment building that Rei lives in.=  
  
Shinji couldn't help but smile a little to himself, =so father, now your rubbing it in my face. Why did I ever think to come back?=  
  
"Ok kid-o here we are... don't worry, I'm sure its not as bad as it looks. I'll walk you up and you can show me your new place."  
  
"Thank you anyways miss Misato, I don't want to trouble you anymore" Shinji said while getting out of the car. But before he closed the door Misato was already walking towards the stairs.  
  
"Oh come on now, you think I wouldn't want to help you get over the shock of a place like this"  
  
Shinji smiled brightly and said, " I'm sorry miss Misato."  
  
=Maybe she's not just here cause her job requires it. Maybe she does care=  
  
They walked up a few flights of stairs and came to the apartment 402, "oops sorry, wrong one Shinji, your 403. This is Rei's apartment."  
  
"Who's Rei" Shinji asked innocently.  
  
"What you don't know her? I thought since you had such concern in your face when you saw her at the hospital you knew who she was. Well, it just seems you're a caring person after all" =not like your father. Good. There's hope for you.=  
  
"You mean that girl lives here?"  
  
"Yeah she does, I guess your father wanted you two to get to know each other a little better than just Eva pilots, huh?" Misato said teasingly.  
  
=Father I know you're up to something, I just can't tell what it is yet. =  
  
Just then Misato's teasing sunk into Shinji and he began to blush, "hey what's that supposed to mean!"  
  
"haha cool it will ya? I'm just teasing." Misato then took a key out of her pocket, opened the door and stepped in. "well you coming or not?"  
  
Inside they saw how dusty and dirty everything was. Both of them let out a tired sigh. "A little bit of cleaning at it'll be as good as new. Oh and before I forget, here's your NERV security card. Don't loose it, it's hard to replace."  
  
"Thank you miss Misato"  
  
"hey just call me Misato, okay?"  
  
"Sorry miss, I mean yes Misato"  
  
"Well I better get going, you must be tired. I know I am. Give me a call if you need anything. I know you'll be needing someone to talk to" with that Misato left and shut the door behind her.  
  
Shinji walked into what he believed to be the bedroom where he noticed a white envelope that had "SHINJI" written in bold letters.  
  
He walked over to it wondering how could a letter be here so fast when Misato had just leaned about where his apartment was.  
  
It could only be from one person, father.  
  
He slowly opened it and immediately a look of extreme concentration and then despair crossed his face. It was from father and it held some freighting words.  
  
=How could this be happening? Why won't this all just go away? Maybe I could end this before it even starts by putting myself to rest. No...I can't...I have someone to protect. =  
  
=I cant yet...but soon=  
  
"Why am I even questioning myself about this, am I that weak?"  
  
Shinji then picked up the letter again and read, this time with determination, what he knew was going to keep him fighting.  
  
=Third child,  
I was surprised when you were the one chosen. I know it does not please you. But I doubt you dislike the arrangement more than I do. If it were up to me you would have never come back to Tokyo-3. The game is simple however. Follow my orders to the letter and we will both win. If you become a burden to me again then I'll do more than just send you away. You already used up your one chance and the punishment will be less forgiving next time. You won't be the only one affected by your actions this time as well.  
  
Report to NERV headquarters at noon tomorrow.  
Commander IKARI=  
  
Shinji then crumbled the paper in his hand. =No more mistakes. =  
  
"I mustn't run away."  
  
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A/n: so what does everyone think so far? To depressing? If not then just wait till my other chapters. The next one may possibly get a little violent as well. Actually I know it does cause I'm going to write it. Please review, I'm looking forward to it. 


	3. decisions decisions

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters  
  
A/n: ok this is gonna get rough. Not for the faint of heart =). And for all of those that are asking for a Rei and Shinji fic don't worry. That's what its gonna be. Be patient and in due time it will be folded into the story. I don't want to rush them into it. They don't like to be rushed I tells ya!  
  
Chapter: 3 decisions decisions  
  
Slowly Shinji let himself fall into a slumber that was only braced with sounds form his SDAT player. At noon tomorrow his father would put him to a test of will. Shinji thought, =tomorrow will be the beginning of my life here. =  
  
No dreams were forced into his subconscious because he knew if they did they would slowly drive him insane. He always tried to keep them at bay.  
  
+++++  
  
The light crept through his curtains and he awoke feeling more tired than when he went to sleep.  
  
It was 10am and NERV was a 15-minute walk. Getting up to go stare at himself in the mirror came to be the highpoint in the trip so far. At least the person looking back at him wouldn't judge. "I know how I feel, and I'm the only one that I know I can rely on."  
  
Time passed so quickly. By the time he got out of the shower it was already 11:25.  
  
He walked out and stared in the direction of NERV, =what if I just turn around and walk off in the other direction. I know... I know. I can't do that. = With a sigh he began walking towards NERV.  
  
With only his SDAT player to keep him company he walked at a slow pace, looking as if he was walking down to his death. Taking in all the subtleties of nature and man.  
  
Shinji slid his security card in and the door rose open. After he stepped inside a guard told him "Shinji Ikari, you are to report to the sickbay immediately, room 12."  
  
=Oh man what's going on? That's where Rei is. How can my father keep involving her? He knows he's beaten me. He can't still be turning the knife. Can he? =  
  
A long and grim decent in the elevator was all he needed. He began to sweat because of anxiety and fear. It stopped, and in a walk down the hall where his father first lead him, he had to hold back his tears and anger.  
  
Upon opening the door he saw something he hadn't expected. It was just Rei sleeping on the bed. No one else. He could only hurry in and shut the door behind him. =Why wont the mysteries stop. What's the point of being summoned here? =  
  
He went and sat at the chair next to her bed as he did last time. Only this time he didn't look at Rei. He didn't know what to think.  
  
Rei then stirred and opened her eyes. Then Shinji heard the quietest voice he had ever heard. However her voice was completely emotionless. But to Shinji it was a comfort nonetheless.  
  
"Are you Shinji Ikari?" Shinji just nodded his head. "I am to inform you to wait for the commander to arrive."  
  
"Wha... um... I..." Rei then simple closed her eyes and ignored him. "Do you know what he wants with me?" Rei opened her eyes, looked at him wordily, and closed them again.  
  
=She must be tired. Or maybe she doesn't want to tell me. Or she was ordered not to. My father has everyone in check here it seems. =  
  
Gendo then made his presence know when he opened the door. =Will you pass the first test Shinji? I cannot wait for the results. =  
  
Gendo made his way over to Shinji who was already standing by the foot of the bed now. "Here take it." Gendo gave him an object wrapped in a thick black cloth. Shinji took it and immediately noticed its heavy weight.  
  
Shinji unwrapped it and couldn't believe what he saw. "No..."  
  
"We'll see where your loyalties lye."  
  
Shinji held it in both his hands with tears in his eyes. A glisten of silver was revealed to be a large handgun.  
  
"Point it at her head Shinji."  
  
By then Shinji was in utter disbelief. "You can't mean it!! Not even you are this cruel." Shinji looked over at Rei and saw her emotionless face. But her eyes told a different story.  
  
She looked scared.  
  
"NO!! You can't make me do this. No one should suffer from you anymore."  
  
Gendo smiled to himself, =he's still so predictable. He can still pass the test. One more push=  
  
"It's a command, I gave it, and you are to follow it without discretion!"  
  
"NO!" Shinji the raised the gun and pointed it towards a now grinning Gendo. He whispered very emotionally, "You...Don't...Deserve...Life..."  
  
It was now dead silent and their positions froze in time.  
  
CLICK  
  
=He really did it= Gendo thought.  
  
Shinji was completely oblivious to the silence of the gun. There were no bullets in it. Gendo stepped up to Shinji with something in his hand. Shinji heard a loud crack and turned to see if Rei was ok.  
  
He saw a large splatter of blood on her face. She was staring at him again only this time her mouth was slightly opened and she was sitting up.  
  
But it wasn't her blood.  
  
Shinji then saw darkness and fell to the ground. "Rei, inform a medic to come and attend to Shinji."  
  
"y...yes commander."  
  
Gendo then turned and left, =now that wasn't so hard, now was it. Your anger with me will help you in the heat of battle. When fighting gets more intense with the angels, so shall your hate with me. =  
  
Rei pressed a call button and when the nurse walked in she dropped her clipboard when she saw Rei with blood on her face. "Shinji Ikari needs medical attention." Rei wiped her face clean with her good hand and laid back down.  
  
=Why would anyone disobey the commanders orders? I think that I may be glad he did disobey. But why do I feel this way. Am I replaceable?=  
  
Rei saw the nurse and a doctor place Shinji on the bed next to her. The nurse then picked her clipboard back up saying, "it looks like a fractured jaw and a minor concussion. We'll get him into surgery and then bring him back here to rest up."  
  
"Looks like you'll have some company for a while miss Ayanami," the nurse said heartily.  
  
=Company? I would like that I think. = Rei then resumed her place in bed and closed her eyes as if nothing had happened. And fell back to sleep  
  
About 2 hours later Rei woke up and notice they had indeed brought Shinji back. He was sleeping and it looked like he really needed it. All of the ordeals he had been through had exhausted him something fierce.  
  
He slept for three days. Only waking up with an occasional pain in his jaw. Every time he awoke he fell back asleep as if he hadn't slept a day in his life, and so quickly did Rei also except this. While he slept she could have the only company she thought she was ready for.  
  
The kind of company that was just there, devoid of any noticeable emotion. Keeping it inside for fear of being hurt.  
  
=I do not know what to feel. How does one comprehend these emotions and then act accordingly. The commander wanted my life taken. Am I, angry? No. The commander was only doing what was best. I do not know anymore. =  
  
=I require rest. =  
  
Rei was still in pain and the most she could do was sit up. But even that was a struggle. Sleeping would make the time pass faster.  
  
Shinji was now awake and actually rested. =That was a dream. It had to have been. Knowing my luck it was real though. Yeah, I can't deny it. Heh, I really tied to kill him, didn't I? =  
  
Shinji then took in his surroundings and stood up. He walked over to the window and looked out to see the large geo-front.  
  
Rei opened her eyes expecting to see her company in bed and was startled to see him standing by the window. Shinji turned to her and by the look of it was about to say something when a siren went off.  
  
"Its an angel, we must go Shinji" Rei spoke casually.  
  
"Hey wait, you're still hurt and can't even walk."  
  
"It is required." Rei then began to get up when a voice over the loudspeaker shout, N2 bomb immanent, brace for shockwave.  
  
Shinji ran over to Rei just as the bomb was going off and caught her right before she hit the floor. A wound reopened on her side and she began to bleed and cry.  
  
The commander Ikari and the sub commander Fuyutsuki walked in with a very serious tone. "Its time, we need a pilot." Fuyutsuki addressed.  
  
Shinji put Rei back on the bed and whispered to her, "don't worry about this one. Leave it to me." Rei forced open her eyes and stared deeply into Shinji's, for once in her life she was silent when she didn't want to be.  
  
Shinji then walked towards the two men and with the same tone as they used saying, "I'm ready. Lets go."  
  
A/n: well good times everyone. Another chapter done. I'm looking forward to those reviews. The next one wont be up for a few days because it's a holiday and there are things to be done. I'll have it up by the beginning of the week most likely. 


	4. dreams mean something

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters  
  
A/N: well it's that time again. Another chapter is here just itching to be read. I tried to portray Rei in character but her thoughts are now more known to us. So she's still in character, but maybe her thoughts are a little talkative since she isn't. Oh and it IS GOING TO BE A REI SHINJI FIC. Stop worrying about that please.  
  
Chapter: 4 dreams mean something  
  
What seemed like a solemn march down death row, commander Ikari, sub- commander Fuyutsuki and, Shinji Ikari walked, as if they didn't have any outside distractions.  
  
The two commanders stopped and turned around to Shinji, "take this door and follow the catwalk to the entry plug." Fuyutsuki said motioning to the door.  
  
"Ok." Shinji then walked in and halfway through the lights flashed on. Shinji jumped at the sight of a giant robots face. He was even more scared to make a sound because he thought it would add to his fathers' satisfaction.  
  
"I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away"  
  
Shinji then takes a seat in the entry plug. After it's lowered in and starts to fill with LCL he begins to feel at ease, almost as if there was something protecting him.  
  
He hadn't noticed he was holding his breath until Ritsuko said, " you'll get used to it once the LCL fills your lungs."  
  
With flashing changes in the entry plugs background he felt at ease again.  
  
"Eva launch!" captain Katsuragi shouted. With that Shinji felt the g-force for a good 4 seconds before it cam to an abrupt stop. =This is so stupid; they know I cant possible defeat what they call an angel. =  
  
Shinji then saw it. He was horrified and frozen with fear. =Ok calm down, I changed my mind. I can do this. = The Eva then stepped forward and stumbled. When Shinji regained his composure the angel was at an arms distance.  
  
It grabbed his left arm and begun pulling at it. Shinji thought with the excruciating pain he had no choice but to give up.  
  
Gendo saw this and opened a communication line shouting, "You came all this way to die! Stop being pathetic! Its time to grow up and endure the pain of living as an Eva pilot!"  
  
Shinji took these words as fuel in a sense, =what do you know about pain? Except how to inflict it on others. =  
  
"I'll show you!!" Shinji then lifted both the Eva's feet to the chest and kick as hard as possible, he broke his arm that the angel still clung to. He didn't care though. So much hate coursed through his blood.  
  
=This will be entertaining. = Gendo thought as he sat back down in his seat to watch the first actual fight with an angel. =Entertaining indeed. =  
  
Shinji was lost in the moment. All he saw was his fathers' face in place of the angels. "I'll kill you!!"  
  
He lunged at the angel as if he was possessed by a daemon. Landing on the angel both beast fell to the ground.  
  
Shinji then began pummeling the angel with all his strength. Even with his broken arm he kept the assault going until he finally hear a loud snap. His arm had broken in another spot and the Eva let out a horrifying cry of pain.  
  
He shook it off and laid into the angel again until he saw the large gemlike center crack. Then it exploded propelling the Eva off into the buildings. Shinji quickly jumped to his feet and saw the angel was destroyed.  
  
Everyone in the control room was fearful for their own lives still. They thought that the Eva would surly now turn on them and destroy the city in the process.  
  
To their relief they saw the Eva fall to its knee then finally it was face down. Shinji had nearly killed himself using so much strength. And now his arm was broken in more than one spot as well.  
  
"Ok get him out of there. Now!" an almost hysterical Misato shouted breaking the silence.  
  
=The results speak for themselves. He needs to mend again now. His emotional state exceeds my expectation and he had killed the angel with ease. Now how can I push Rei to the limit? Hmm I wonder. = Gendo was now forcefully containing his joy.  
  
Shinji was rushed to the medical wing looking as if he was clinging to life. It was simple a matter of fatigue now, and of course the badly broken arm.  
  
Once he was bandaged up he was taken back to room 12 where he was to start his recuperation. Rei could only help but to feel happy that Shinji had survived. She however did not show any emotion.  
  
=Caring for the well being of others is not required. Yet I cannot help but feel relieved that his struggles for the day have ended. It is convenient that I feel these feelings, for I have been wondering what it would one day be like. I thought that it would first come from the commander. But a whole new feeling is projected towards him. Maybe he was wrong? =  
  
Rei's new thoughts had her feeling very uneasy about herself. She was glad to be able to look over at Shinji and see him sleeping there. She felt comfortable around him, the way she used to feel around the commander. But this time the feeling was slightly different, stronger in a way.  
  
Gendo sat in his office and saw Rei looking at Shinji sleep. He now knew how he would be able to push her to the same point that Shinji was at. =Yet this will be harder, but if they both perform at the next level, I will be able to proceed with the plan with tremendous success."=  
  
=Now its up to how Shinji will act towards Rei, but I know he will not disappoint. She will want to protect him because he has already done this for her. That is all my concern is with her. Now it is simple a waiting game. I may have to start helping them along the way if they takes to long. =  
  
"Hmm, I will have to talk to Rei later and further fuel her curiosity for her feelings." Gendo then got up and said into a open communication link, "Fuyutsuki, inform me when Shinji wakes." "Yes sir."  
  
Back in room 12 Rei unknowingly continued to stare at Shinji. When she caught herself she slightly blushed. =This is very unbecoming of me. = She laid down to sleep again.  
  
Shinji began to stir. He couldn't run from his dreams this time. He didn't have the energy to fight them off or his SDAT to drown them out.  
  
"Shinji you can't run from your destiny. It's only fitting that you try and seek shelter in others when you are so easily turned down and hurt." He was then sitting on the floor in a dark room by himself. He felt two arms hold him gently yet he felt safe in them. He didn't know who it was but it was comforting and familiar. "He's trying to stop us from fulfilling our destiny by forming it into his own."  
  
"What? Who is trying?" Shinji then found himself standing in a long endless hallway dimly lit. Gendo was standing a few feet from Shinji. Shinji was about to make a dash towards him when a small figure came from behind Gendo. It was Rei. "Don't move Shinji, or you'll lose what you hold most dear." "You can't control me!"  
  
Gendo then turned to Rei and clutched both his hands around her neck and raised her in the air. Shinji saw Rei look for help in his eyes so he began running to Gendo again. He was never able to reach Gendo. The space between them was endless. "No!! Stop!!"  
  
Gendo then dropped Rei's now lifeless body. Shinji finally got there, but it was to late. Shinji fell to his knees and sat Rei up. She was indeed dead and this made Shinji fell an emotion he had never felt before. He could describe it as despair or grief only. It was more than a loss. It felt as if something was ripped from his very soul.  
  
"How could you? How could you!?!"  
  
"You did it Shinji. Her fate was in your hands and you let her slip." Shinji was on the verge of a breakdown. "I wasn't the one who strangled her to death!!"  
  
"Weren't you?" Shinji then saw his hands around Rei's neck. "No! I would never do such a thing."  
  
"You don't know what you are capable of until you do it."  
  
"No!!!" Shinji shouted so loud he woke himself and Rei up.  
  
"What is wrong Shinji Ikari?" Rei spoke softly. "Huh. I just, oh never mind, sorry Rei. I didn't mean to wake you up."  
  
Rei was confused. If he didn't want to wake her up then he would not have shouted. But then she remembered the phenomenon known as dreams. =I want to comfort him but I would not know how to begin. =  
  
"How are you feeling Rei? Are you ok? You had a pretty bad fall." Rei was surprised at how Shinji was showing concern to her. It was a first for her. She only wished she knew how to return the favor.  
  
" I am feeling.. tired." Shinji smiled at Rei's response. "I'm sorry about that again. Just go back to sleep. We'll talk later."  
  
=Why does he wish to talk later? We are talking now.. I shall comply with his request though. I feel that I am still too weak to be coherent for much longer. =  
  
"Goodnight Rei." She then fell asleep almost as soon as she had closed her eyes. Shinji felt that his strength was returning so he walked over to the window to see if there was any noticeable damage from his fight.  
  
There was barely any structural damage. "You did some good work Shinji." Shinji turned to see Misato smiling in the doorway. "Tomorrow morning they're going to release both you and Rei. I'll give you two a ride home."  
  
"Umm thanks Misato, I'm sure that Rei would appreciate it also." Misato couldn't help but smile even brighter at his comment. She knew that he held some feelings for Rei. But then she began to feel guilty about it all. The two of them would live a life unlike any other kids their age. Also, Rei was a hard person to get to know.  
  
Misato remember one time when she was ordered to go and pick Rei up from school once and bring her to NERV. Misato tried all she could and talked till there was nothing left to talk about. She didn't get more than three words out of her.  
  
'Well, I'll see you two in the morning."  
  
Fuyutsuki walked in to Gendo's office and said, "He's awake. What do you want to do with him now?" Gendo sat silently, seemingly thinking of what to do. "Let him and Rei go home. I have already got Captain Katsuragi to provide both of them with a ride." Fuyutsuki knew that he was up to something. He has never given anyone a break. "How could he keep on doing this to his own son? How would Yuri feel about this I wonder?"  
  
The next morning:  
  
"Ok you two you're free. Huh? Oh come on wake up, its already past ten." Both Shinji and Rei got the wake up call from Misato. "Get dressed. I'll be right outside okay."  
  
In a minute Shinji was out the door. He wanted to get as far away from there as soon as possible. Rei on the other hand was taking her time and looked like she was lost in her own thoughts. Even more than usual for Rei. She then came out and gave an acknowledging look to both Misato and Shinji.  
  
Rei still had a little trouble walking but not enough where she needed assistance from anything. Her right wrist was in a cast and her forehead wrapped in bandages. Her side was bandaged under her cloths and the wound was healing nicely. Shinji still had his left arm in a sling. They both walked to Misato's car slowly and got in the back seats without a word.  
  
"Well aren't we a happy bunch. It looks like you two have been through hell." Shinji only smiled while Rei ignored her. "Well I might as well tell you two now. You're both ordered to begin school again tomorrow. Oh and it is a request by the commander that you two spend as much free time together as you can."  
  
This time Misato got both of their attentions. Shinji and Rei glanced at each other, both with a small blush to their cheeks. "Umm miss, I mean Misato, how come that was a request and not an order?"  
  
"Beats me. It should still be treated like an order I guess. But don't sweat over it. You still have a choice. But you two lovebirds now have an excuse to hang out with each other." Misato then burst into laughter.  
  
Rei then said, "I do not understand." While Shinji was beat red and stuttering out words that didn't make sense. Rei was confused at both Misato's and Shinji's body language but stayed silent.  
  
"Ok you two we're here. Get some more rest and remember to keep in touch." Misato then showing off her driving skills and need for speed screeched down the street till she was out of sight.  
  
Shinji began walking up and when he was halfway up he noticed that Rei was having trouble going up the stairs. He walked back down saying, "here Rei, I'll help you up." Shinji took her hand and took all time she needed. Rei was now trying to convince herself that it was possible to have feelings for someone. =Is Shinji Ikari the one whom I will be able to express my deepest thoughts to? Commander Ikari said that I would one day be able to find a person that made me feel as if I could trust them completely. Then I would be complete. =  
  
Walking to their apartments hand in hand they stopped, not wanting to let go. Shinji then noticed that they were still holding hands and slid his hand away, but not fast. "Well then Rei, I guess we'll be going to school together tomorrow. How about.. you and I walk together.. say seven we leave.. I mean that is if you want to."  
  
Rei stood silent for a moment thinking of how walking to school together was such a hard question to ask. "That is acceptable. Good day Shinji Ikari." Rei felt what she believed to be happiness. "Oh yeah great Rei. I'll see you tomorrow." Rei nodded and went inside her apartment.  
  
Shinji stood out his door for a while. =Maybe this trip wasn't such a bad idea after all. =  
  
A/n: well I didn't want to end every chapter with a downer. I tried to fix the flow a bit as suggested. Thanks for all your advice and reviews people. Next chapter is coming soon. Until then tune in next time. Same bat time, same bat channel. (I don't own batman either =) 


	5. Rei’s turn

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters.  
  
A/n: here's a reminder. "This is someone talking" =this is someone thinking= oh and Steve VADER, thanks for pointing out Shinji's mom's name is Yui not Yuri. I would never have caught that and would have continued to call her that throughout my story. Much thanks dude.  
  
Chapter: 5 Rei's turn  
  
Shinji and Rei had just been in their apartments for about half an hour before Shinji felt he needed something to do. He seems to have misplaced his SDAT player and was very desperate to find it before nightfall. He still had all day to replace it so he wasn't really too worried about it.  
  
=Maybe I'll just go for a walk and see if any of the electronic stores are open or something. I need to get some air anyways.. I wonder if Ayanami would like to go. =  
  
Shinji then went to his door, put his shoes on and opened it. To his surprise Rei had her hand up as if she was just about to knock. She put her hand down and stared at Shinji, waiting for him to initiate the conversation. "Umm hi, uhh, Rei." "Hello Shinji Ikari." Rei still stood with a look on her face that she wanted to tell him more so Shinji then said, "did you want something Rei?"  
  
"Yes, I would like to know if you wished to accompany me to NERV headquarters. I am to pick up my new security card and thereafter I will proceed to the nearest food emporium. I will require some assistance in carrying them back to this location."  
  
"Umm after NERV what did you want me to help you with again. Groceries right?" Rei then stated, "yes Shinji Ikari. Does that seem acceptable?" Shinji nodded his head in agreement.  
  
Shinji locked his door and then they were both began slowly walking side by side. Shinji held out his hand again and the same as last time to help Rei down the stairs. Rei looked at his outstretched hand for a moment, = I may not require his assistance but I do not want to turn him down. I feel almost relieved when he does this small gesture of what I think is kindness. =  
  
Rei took his hand with a small, unnoticeable blush. Shinji was acting so casual about it. It's not that he's smooth, it's that he is a very noble and kind person by nature. Shinji felt very good today, even though he was headed towards NERV. Rei even felt as if she was on top of the world. The uncomfortable feeling that she always had in her stomach was beginning to fade.  
  
=I think I may be complete when I am with Shinji Ikari. It is how the commander said, yet now I know to trust his words with caution this time. He is willing to hurt my new friend and for that I must take his word into deeper perspective. Wait.. Is Shinji my.. Friend? =  
  
"Shinji Ikari?" He looked over to her in acknowledgement. "We are friends, are we not?"  
  
"Of course Rei, that's the least we are, considering all we've been through. And now that we know we're really friends, call me Shinji please."  
  
"Very well.. Shinji"  
  
They were so caught up with each others company that they didn't noticed they walked past the entrance until Rei did not recognize the scenery. "I believe we are lost. Shinji." "Oh haha, we walked past the entrance. Looks like we're here." Rei seemed a little troubled that she did not know anything out side of NERV. Shinji noted it and was going to try and change that.  
  
"I must report to Lt. Ritsuko Akagi for pick up of the actual card." They proceeded to the checkpoint. Shinji used his card for the both of them, Rei was glad he was there because she did not remember that she wouldn't be able to get in without an updated card.  
  
"Lets make this quick Rei, this place makes me uncomfortable." Shinji said as they stepped into the elevator.  
  
=If this place makes Shinji uncomfortable then why did he chose to be a pilot. Why is he even here at this moment... He has done something for my benefit even though he was unwilling. = Rei couldn't help but smile slightly at the thought. It wasn't so much of a smile as it was a half grin.  
  
Then the elevator stopped when they were not even close to their floor. The doors opened and they both had a feeling of fear. Shinji was scared because he wanted to protect Rei. And Rei feared that Shinji would be hurt trying to protect her again.  
  
It was Gendo  
  
"Pleasure seeing you two here on your day off."  
  
No one welcomed his awkwardly warm greeting and both were completely silent. Gendo then stepped in and the doors closed behind him. Shinji balled up both his fist because he was angry for not knowing what to do in this situation. Rei stood there like the elevator never stopped, but she felt the tension that Shinji was giving off. She wanted to stand in front of him and block him from Gendo's sight.  
  
"I am expecting that you both will be able to slip into your normal civilian routines and wait until the next angel attack. However, your purpose is to defeat the angels and nothing is to come before that. Do I make myself clear?" He looked back at them to see them both nod in agreement.  
  
The elevator stopped and Gendo stepped out, "Shinji, remember, next time it'll be a lot more permanent. The stakes will be higher for you both. Only time for one choice. So if you don't make it right.. I will." He said glaring at Shinji, he then turned to Rei and gave her an evil grin. He was no doubt idly referring to what happened in the hospital room 12.  
  
Shinji looked away and then unclenched his fist as he heard the doors close. Rei was still standing like a person turned to stone, but what caught Shinji's eye was a single tear that rolled down her check. She couldn't help it. She was scared, for the both of them.  
  
The elevator stopped and she said, "We should not keep Lt. Ritsuko Akagi waiting." She walked out and Shinji followed her. He didn't know what to do or say. That was only the second emotion that he saw Rei express. But he still didn't know why they had to be forced out of her the way they were. She didn't even acknowledge her own emotions.  
  
They came up to Ritsuko's office. Rei turned to Shinji, " I will return shortly, I must have a photograph taken for the security card."  
  
Shinji sat down on the bench in the hall. He then took this time to think. =It's just like I was thinking. Not one hint of the emotions she had just experienced. My father did indirectly say that he would kill her if I wouldn't follow my orders.. She's walking around as if he just said hi to us. I know that she was cut deep by his words, the same as I was. I have to some how protect her to the end, even if it is from myself. =  
  
Rei then came back with her usual emotionless face " they are going to use my old identification photograph because they did not want one with me wrapped in bandages."  
  
"Well, umm, ok Rei lets get out of here then."  
  
Both walked out of NERV and to the grocery store in silence, not ever looking at each other in the eyes. They did spend hours walking in there slow pace of theirs. Shinji than began to think that Rei never had anyone to share her feelings with before. He was the same as her but his spirit was not as damaged as hers. He still had hope and wanted to help her be heard.  
  
When they were close to home he recognized the spot that Misato had shown him earlier. This time he had some special with him and sunset was presenting itself. His first real friend was with him. He only wanted their relationship to get better. This was a good chance to make her feel better.  
  
"Hey Rei." She jumped a little because they had both been silent for so long. "I have some place that I want to show you. We both need a break anyways." Shinji then lead the way up to the spot not knowing what will happen at sunset.  
  
Shinji put his bags down and sat on the grassy hill. Rei followed his example and did the same sitting next to him. "What is it we are doing here Shinji?"  
  
"Well Rei, Miss Misato told me to bring someone special with me here one sunset. And it's a beautiful sight. I wanted to share it with you.."  
  
"Thank you Shinji" Rei said slowly as if it was the first time she said the words thank you. "Your welcome Rei. What are friends for?" Just then the buildings began to rise out of the geo-front. Both Rei and Shinji took in this moment to remember how it was the first time they really had a chance to fully see the city that they were protecting. The city they were to save from the angels.  
  
Rei had a rush of new emotions thrown at her all at once. It was much for her to bear. =My time spent with Shinji is always bringing about these new feelings. He is the first person I am to thank.. Ever. All I have done is cause him hardship between him and his father. And yet, everything I find new about him and life, I do not want to stop here. I have the urge to protect that, which has brought me all these feelings. Shinji. I believe you are the reason I will keep fighting =  
  
Shinji was in awe of the city and the expression of calmness on Rei's face. =I knew that she needed some time to relax. To bad this moment's gonna end. I wish that I could find a way to get her out of this situation. I know I won't be able to because my father would only bring her closer to control me. I'm so hopeless when it comes to being kind to girls', heh. I bet she doesn't feel the same way I feel about her. I would do anything to protect her. =  
  
"We should do this more often Rei." Shinji then stood up, "but I guess we had better get back home, it's getting late and we're both in bandages and casts. Rest would be best if we plan to wake up for school tomorrow."  
  
Rei stood also and picked up her share of the bags, "yes." They both took one last look at the scenery and walked back down the hill. It was starting to get dark and they were home within minutes. When they got to Reis' door she opened it walked in and turned to Shinji, "please enter." He walked in took his shoes off and proceeded to the kitchen to put the food on the table.  
  
Rei closed the door and was going to the kitchen when her phone rang. She stood still for a moment and thought of the only person that would ever call her. The commander. With her new perspective of him she was nervous to say the least. She walked over to the phone and answered in her monotone voice.  
  
"Hello"  
  
"Hello Rei, it seems that you were out of your apartment for a long time today, as was Shinji. Is he with you?"  
  
"Yes sir"  
  
"Put him on the phone please"  
  
"Yes sir. Shinji the commander wishes to speak to you."  
  
Shinji was now in a serious mood. The mood he seems to have when he hears mention of his father. Shinji was thinking of just hanging up on him but he knew that was not the answer at all.  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Shinji, I noticed that you are spending your free time with Ayanami as I have requested. Have you come to sense or is this one of your personal excavations.. Well Shinji?"  
  
"You can control my life as a pilot, but this is going to far."  
  
"It is, is it not? If that is the best way to achieve my goal then so be it. I want to make it clear that you will not disappoint me. Understand? If she means as much to you as you yourself believe then you will go to great length to protect her. Will you not? Her fate lies in your hands Shinji. You must know what I am capable of by now." Then there was a click and low hum of a dial tone.  
  
Shinji did not believe what he heard. He had dreamt of this situation before. He knew all to well what happened when he disobeyed his father. Rei had been killed and Shinji himself held the grip around her neck. He wasn't going to let this happen. So he would play his fathers game for as long as he knew Rei was safe.  
  
Shinji hung up the phone on his end saying to himself, =shake it off Shinji, you don't want any of this to upset Rei more than she already is. = But it was a lot for him to handle at the time. He was reliving the moment when his father left him so many years ago. Then, he would have done anything to be with him. Now he wanted to give it all up to get away from him.  
  
Rei saw tears in Shinji's eyes and brought her hand to her mouth in a gasping motion. Her facial expression didn't change but her body language signaled that she couldn't bear to see Shinji like this.  
  
Shinji wiped his face and looked to Rei, "its ok Rei, everything is.. Okay. Don't worry about me. I'm fine I'm fine." Rei looked into his eyes and said, "Thank you Shinji."  
  
Rei wanted to say more than just thank you. But Shinji said, "lets get those groceries put away now. We both have to get some rest. Its my first day of school tomorrow." Rei was feeling less disturbed now that Shinji was trying to break the tension. It was not so subtle; yet, it was kind of him to do. Now she wanted to just sleep and forget her troubles. To her sleep was a comfort where she could turn off her mind. But for Shinji, that was a different story.  
  
"Okay Rei I'm going. I need to get some rest myself. Take care. Oh, and I'll see you at seven.. Good night Rei." Shinji then walked to the door as he heard a soft reply, "good night Shinji."  
  
=He seems to have recovered from his conversation with his father. That is good. I will look forward to tomorrow. =  
  
Rei then proceeded to ready her bed. She then decided to take a shower now because she did not want to take to long getting ready tomorrow morning.  
  
Shinji got in his apartment when he realized that he never got a replacement for his SDAT player. His conversation with his father had shaken his nerves enough to make him dread the night that was ahead of him.  
  
=I still have to at least try and sleep. If only for a bit. =  
  
He laid down in his bed and fell asleep very quickly. The hard part for him was staying asleep. His dreams would surly creep into his mind.  
  
He had the same dream as he had before. The one about his father and Rei. Only this time he wasn't choking Rei after Gendo dropped her lifeless body. Gendo looked at a kneeling Shinji and said, "If you don't do it, then I will." Shinji looked down at Rei and saw her gasping for air. He then looked up at his father who was now holding the same gun that he gave Shinji before. He unloaded the whole clip into Rei in an instant. "She would have wanted death to be a gift from you"  
  
Shinji jumped to his father like a wild jackal and swung at him screaming as loud as his lungs made possible. Right before he made contact. He saw a ceiling. He woke up in a sweat, staring at the ceiling.  
  
=If dreams are a way for your subconscious to solve problems, then I'm in a riddle with no answer. = He then forced himself back to sleep.  
  
..  
  
Meanwhile back at Rei's apartment she was just getting out of the shower. She walked over to her bed when she noticed commander Ikari's broken glasses that she kept as a memento. There was a folded piece of paper under them. It read:  
  
=Cherish the time you have with him. You never know when he will not be a necessity to me any more. He will surely be taken care of once all the wheels are set into motion. Serve me as you have always done. Without question. And I promise his death will be painless, if I feel his death need be necessary. =  
  
Rei threw the commanders glasses against the wall watching them break apart. She still had no out going emotion in her face. She had the feeling as if she was going to breakdown completely. So, quickly she got in her bed and drew the covers over herself.  
  
=Life without Shinji Ikari. That is not a life I wish to see. The commander will regret his words. I will make him regret them. I will give my life for Shinji before I would ever let the commander take it from him.. And me=  
  
She was frozen in her thoughts when she had a new feeling. She couldn't keep them inside anymore.  
  
She felt tears gather in her eyes. She rolled over on her stomach and began to cry. Completely letting herself get lost in the moment. It was the first time she had ever let her emotions get the best of her. She cried all night till her body forced her to sleep.  
  
Crying herself to sleep was such a way for her to vent without having to show her emotions to anyone. This would now become a common sight to the moonlight if she would continue to keep her emotions locked from everyone. She wanted comfort, but was too afraid to seek it.  
  
She wanted a reason to sleep soundly at night. She wanted peace. She wanted to express herself.. But.. Couldn't.  
  
A/n: whoa, deep huh? The next chapter is on its way. I'm already halfway done with chapter 6. Should be up soon. 


	6. when it started

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters  
  
A/n: reminding everyone. "This is someone talking" =this is someone thinking. = Sorry for the wait people. The eye of terror is upon us and I needed to participate. Good times if you know what that means. =)  
  
Chapter 6: when it started  
  
It had been a long night for both Shinji and Rei. Shinji got in a whole 2 hours of sleep and Rei was crying so much last night that she looked as if she hadn't slept at all. Life to the Eva pilots was harsh indeed. No one knew how appalling it really was unless they were a component of NERV.  
  
Rei unenthusiastically got ready for school. Rei got ready promptly so she started out her door, not locking it behind her. She looked at the time it was 7:02. Shinji was late. Rei began feeling nervous that Shinji was hurt inside his room. She had just made up her mind to go check on him when he came out his door. She almost sighed in relief but just stared at him instead.  
  
Both of them noticed how tired they looked but was baffled to see that each of them had had a hard night. A smile crossed Shinji face as he said, "Good morning Rei. Looks like you slept just as well as I did." Rei look puzzled for an instant but then knew exactly what he was talking about. She then began to wonder why he had such an unpleasant night.  
  
They walked in a silence but it was not uncomfortable. They were glad to spend time together. Each other's presence was enough to keep them happy, now that they were still getting used to spending time with people they cared about. Both being the quiet person that they are they didn't say anything to the other students in their class. They just sat down, Rei by the window and Shinji to the right of her. The day was looking to be boring but that didn't faze them in the least.  
  
Back at NERV headquarters:  
  
"Well Fuyutsuki, there at school, keep them under surveillance. I don't want them running off somewhere where we will not be able to get them in an instances notice." Fuyutsuki nodded and stepped back out of Gendo's office. =When was it that he changed into the cold person he is now? All he cares about is figures and readings. Not even his own son remembers him as he was. Hmm I remember when he changed now that I think about it. It was at that precise moment that Yui was absorbed into Unit one. What happened back then cannot be changed. =  
  
=I remember hearing his last conversation with Yui. He loved then. He only wanted her to be happy. He wanted the world for her. =  
  
++++  
  
"Its almost time for the first synchronization test Gendo. You don't wanna keep them waiting on me." Yui said as Gendo was hugging her.  
  
"I just had a bad feeling about this one." Gendo said not releasing his hold.  
  
Fuyutsuki walked by seeing the two of them embracing, "hey you two this isn't the time for that." He smiled and went for the control room.  
  
"Ok then Gendo, promise me that if something were to go wrong that you would try, by any mean necessary, to make the world a total utopia. A place where peace and love were the only things on everyone's mind." Yui said this jokingly. But Gendo wanted it to come true, for her. "I promise Yui, by every mean I will change the planet for the better." Yui smiled at him and stuck her tongue at him before she exited to unit 01. Gendo couldn't help but laugh.  
  
Gendo walked up to the control room quickly. The test was beginning. Gendo was predicting the worst would happen; when it did, he still couldn't believe it. Yui's sync ratio was above 200% and still climbing. She slowly faded into the unit. The last the monitors picked up of her was a voice saying, "Promise to.. Take care.. of"  
  
She was gone. The experiment was a total failure. More important to Gendo was the promise he made her. =Nothing will stand in my way. I will step on everyone to get to the top. When I do that, I will be able to control the outcome of the third impact. The world will resemble that of Yui's peaceful and loving one. I will be able to bring her back to me. Until then there will be hell to pay in reaching it. I'll make sure not to suffer alone. =  
  
++++  
  
=Yes indeed, that was the day it all went wrong. The day Yui left this world to join the Eva's. = Fuyutsuki walked away feeling worse than he had felt in a long time. Two of his friends were lost that day. He knew he could never get them back. "I guess I have to go and make sure the kids are kept in check now."  
  
Back at school:  
  
The lunch bell rang and everyone sighed in relief as the droning voiced teacher left for his break. Hikari came over to Shinji to welcome him on behalf of the whole class. Rei took this time to slip away and get away from the crowd that was now gathering around Shinji and Hikari. "Hey by the way do you know Rei. I saw you two come in together and you even sat next to each other, and you're both hurt pretty bad. It was when the Eva was fighting the angel wasn't it?"  
  
Shinji was taken back for a second at her last comment. How did she know he was the new Eva pilot? "How did you know that Rei and I were pilots?" Just then everybody's eyes grew large and there was a burst of excitement. No one knew of him or Rei being the pilots. He felt trapped and answered all the questions he thought that he could do so without getting in trouble for revealing secrets.  
  
By the time people gave Shinji a breath, there was only ten minutes to eat his lunch. He quickly devoured it sitting on a bench outside. He had just enough time to ask Rei if he could walk her home. He saw here sitting on a bench by herself reading a math book. Shinji sat down beside her and said, "hey Rei.. Um I can walk you home right?" Rei studied Shinji for a moment making him very nervous under her look. "It seems only logical as we are friends that live in close proximity. That is acceptable Shinji." Shinji felt pleased that he got that question out of the way. He'd been meaning to ask her earlier.  
  
As the bell began to ring and notify lunch was over, two boys walked up to Shinji. One of them seemed angry and the other was trying to calm the angry one down. "I need to see you after class newcomer. We need to talk about something." Shinji didn't know what to expect from this. He was confused, and a little scared that the boy whose name he heard was Toji wanted to talk.  
  
Back in class time was against Shinji. It was going fast and he didn't want to know what was going to happen between him and Toji. He seemed so angry about something, and it looked like it was directed at Shinji. Shinji kept glancing around the room to see if anyone else was aware of what was going to happen. No one seemed to know what Toji wanted to, or they had no concern on what was going to happen.  
  
Shinji leaned over to Rei and said, "you know Rei, I think we won't be able to walk home together. I have to talk to Toji after school. It seems important to him" with not even a seconds passing moment she said, "then I will wait for you Shinji." Shinji wasn't expecting that one. As Rei turned her watchful eyes to the window Shinji couldn't help but smile warmly at it. She was really his first friend.  
  
A ringing bell shot Shinji out of his smile. He knew that he was going to have a not so nice conversation with that Toji guy. Shinji walked out to the side of the school where he was to meet Toji and Kensuke. Unbeknownst to Shinji, Rei had gone and sat under the shade of a tree just out of his sight to wait for him.  
  
When Toji saw that Shinji had come, he walked over to him and without warning punched him in the face causing Shinji to fall to the ground. "Sorry newcomer, I had to slug ya one to work out my own anger. That Eva thing destroyed half the city." Shinji rubbed his mouth and said under his breath, " I had no choice, I they made me pilot the Eva." That set Toji off again. He quickly walked to Shinji and picked him up by his collar.  
  
Right before Toji was about to bring his drawn back fist to Shinji's face again. Toji felt someone grab his shoulder and gently push him while he felt a leg behind him move forward. He fell to the g round completely oblivious to who it was. It was Rei. After Toji looked up at her she turned to Shinji and placed a hand on his chin to examine him. Shinji was in too much in a shock to say or do anything.  
  
Toji jumped to his feet shouting, "hey this is between us, stay out of this Ayanami." She then took her attention off Shinji and faced Toji with a frown on her face. Toji was now the one to be shocked. He'd never seen Rei express any emotions or interest in anything at school. She walked up to Toji, causing him to take a step back. Her crimson eyes showed a vast amount of rage projected towards Toji. She drew her left hand back and struck Toji fiercely across his face. A large red print was now on Toji's face.  
  
Kensuke took a step toward Toji and said to him, " haha, oh boy Toji, you had that one coming." Kensuke then looked at Rei and Shinji. Shinji was now standing beside Rei. He had a split lip and dry blood had formed on the corner of his mouth. Rei was still focusing her gaze on Toji when she moved closer to Shinji. She looked like she was predator positioning herself for the killing blow. She was now at Shinji's side and her expression had lightened. She took his right hand saying, "We are not required to stay here any longer Shinji. Let us go."  
  
Just then an air siren when off and the shelter procedures were instructed over a loud speaker. Rei now seemed more focused, "we must report to headquarters." They both began running to NERV as fast as possible still taking into consideration their not fully healed bodies. Scanning in their security cards they entered quickly and in the state of emergency the elevator worked faster than normally allowed. As soon as it stopped, Lt. Ritsuko Akagi ran to Shinji and Rei saying, "get your plug suits on, it's an angel."  
  
Quickly they were both in their suits. Rei was to remain at headquarters because repairs to unit 00 were not complete. She would only be called if unit 01 failed. Shinji was escorted to his entry plug while Rei was to the command room. Shinji and NERV were preparing for battle when Rei sat at a monitor to see what would soon transpire.  
  
=Shinji is putting his life at risk and there is no way for me to protect him. The angel has the intention of killing the Eva if it is threatened. = Rei rested her head on her hands and stared into the monitor, "I do not feel well."  
  
The anxiety that Rei was feeling was mistake by her for sickness. Nothing could prepare her for what she was feeling for Shinji. Back at school she became so angry when someone inflicted physical pain on him. But now that Shinji had a chance of having his life taken, her thoughts on him began to come into perspective. She didn't know her feelings were going to take such a toll on her.  
  
She occasionally glanced at the monitors to check on the well fair of Shinji. Every time she saw his heart was still beating she would put her head back in her hands to wait for the destruction of the angel. Shinji's power cable was then cut causing the whole control room to panic. They ordered a momentary retreat for unit 01.  
  
Meanwhile on the battlefield, Shinji was thrown threw the air landing on a hill. Toji and Kensuke were already outside watching the battle firsthand. Unit 01 landed right beside them barely missing them with his hand. Shinji struggled to move after his fall and saw both his fellow classmates.  
  
Misato saw this on the monitor and order Shinji to let them in the entry plug and then continue with the retreat. Once Shinji let them into the Eva he lost control of it. Nothing was responding to him. The extra company was messing up his brain pattern from their thought interference. Shinji couldn't even focus in what anyone was saying to him. All he had an image of was of everyone dying if he didn't defeat this angel. Then he imagined Rei being killed by it.  
  
Right then everything clicked into place. His controls came back on line and anger grew inside him. A faded voice of Misato's came through his comm. Link telling him, "Shinji! Move! Get your ass out of there!" Shinji was immune to her words and kept muttering to himself, "I mustn't run away" over and over. With a scream of rage he lunged himself towards the angel pulling out his progressive knife.  
  
Rei stood up from her seat when she heard Shinji scream. She felt relieved that it was out of rage but it had frightened her a little. No one she had ever known had expressed themselves on such raw emotions. "Has Shinji changed as a person, or is he expressing himself the only way he knows how. I hope that he does not change. I hope to one day be able to express myself as he does.. It does make him a better fighter in his Evangelion. I will have to adjust cause that is my purpose, to pilot the Evangelion unit 00 and defeat the angels"  
  
Shinji had destroyed the angels in a seemingly inebriated rage just as his last measure of his power reserves faded. Shinji, Toji, and Kensuke were now sitting in the dark of the entry plug. All that could be heard was the supple crying of Shinji.  
  
Misato was angry that Shinji had disobeyed a direct order from her, but she was also scared for him. She knew that commander Ikari had seen this. Who knows what he would do when he got is hands on Shinji.  
  
Toji and Kensuke were sent back to the shelters and Shinji was brought into the command room when Gendo was now waiting. Shinji stepped in and Rei flashed him a relieved and compassionate look. That had helped him feel better but the feeling soon faded when he saw his father. He knew what he wanted to talk about.  
  
"Well Shinji, why did you disobey a direct order?"  
  
"I was only following the orders that you gave me."  
  
Gendo stood with a look on his face trying to recollect what Shinji was talking about. He never gave him any order that would override all others. Then he remembered. "I told him that he was to pilot the Evangelion and destroy the angels. That is what he was supposed to do above all else." Gendo smiled to himself a bit.  
  
"So you do listen when I talk. Good. You do not know what to do when your orders conflict. Strange case indeed. I was going to issue you to solitary confinement for three days, but since you have followed my initial order I will have to think of another more suitable punish for you later. You are dismissed."  
  
Shinji wanted to smile but thought that his father was leading him into a trap. He took one last cautious look at him and left for his residence. Everyone in the command room was shocked at Gendo's new sense of logic and reasoning. No one trusted him when he was nice. He was not the kind of person that you would trust under any circumstances.  
  
Rei then began walking to leave as well when Gendo said, "Rei. We need to speak of what the next order of operations will be. My plan will proceed as scheduled." He motion for Rei to follow him. She obeyed and exited with Gendo. Everyone knew that he was going to use Rei to get at Shinji.  
  
Misato was going to go after him in hopes to so something but Ritsuko grabbed her arm and said, "There's nothing you can do to help her now but wait."  
  
A/n: sorry again for the wait and for any grammar mistakes that were in this chapter. My proofreader got tired so I fired her and she went to sleep. I'll rehire her when she wakes up. I just needed to get this up as soon as I could. So away we go. Next chapter is in progress as you read this. 


	7. I don’t want to remember

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters.   
  
A/n: sorry about the slowness of updates but the sites been down for a few days. Or maybe it's my comp, I don't know. Something's up. Well anyway, here be chapter 7. And I believe that Ritsuko Akagi's rank is Lt, she is referred to more as dr. though. Help with that would be much needed as I have had people telling me different things.  
  
Chapter 7: I don't want to remember  
  
Gendo now had time alone with Rei to discuss what he needed her to now do in order for him to further his mission. "Unit 00 is close to complete repair. By the next attack you will be used in combat. Before that you will focus on the task at hand. I will be receiving a key item via a man named Kaji. I do not trust him so I will have you meet him on the first class battle ship that is also carrying the Evangelion unit 02. Is that understood Rei?  
  
"Yes sir" Rei said plainly. =I am always relied upon with a mission that is very important to the commander. That is the only time that he talks to me and shows an interest in me. I used to enjoy the time that we spent talking together. It used to be the one thing that I looked forward to. Now he is always angry and wanting the completion of his mission. I do not always remember him like that... But... I cannot remember anything before I was six now that I try... This is troubling to me I believe. = Gendo kept walking forward with Rei following obediently. "I will inform you when you are to leave, which will not be for at least three days. I will also have the third child accompany you. That is all for now Rei, you may leave."  
  
Rei stopped following Gendo and turned the other way in compliance with her dismissal. Bewildered by the fact that Shinji was going to accompany her on this mission. By this she could tell that the commander held her in equal terms as his own son. But then she thought about it again and reconsidered how much of an honor it was. =I do not want to be the commander's doll. And I do not want Shinji to suffer the same as I have. I cannot question the commander however. He has always made that clear. =  
  
Rei walked back down the long hall to the locker room to put away her plug suit then retire for the day. = I do not know what to think anymore. Life has become much more complicated now that Shinji is here.. Actually life has not changed. It is that I just do not want to live the same as I have been. I will make it change now. = Rei left with a feeling of satisfaction with herself.  
  
+++++  
  
Shinji was now out of his plug suit and walking home. He didn't wait for Rei because he didn't know how long she would be at NERV. "What is he up to? He seems logical in his thoughts instead of just his cruel ways. What could have changed him so quickly? Wait a second. Rei was still there with him. He said he would find another way to punish me and he knows I care for Rei."  
  
Shinji then began running back at full pace. When he got to the entrance he saw Rei emerge from the elevator. He felt so much better that nothing had happened to her. He was going to at least explain why he ran up to her so quickly but he was too out of breath. Rei stared at him blankly. =Shinji seems in a panic to see me. I wonder if he is concerned about my well being as I am for his. = Rei saw that Shinji was standing up straight now so she asked, "What is the reason that you came running back to NERV after you were dismissed?"  
  
Shinji then walked over to Rei and gave her a hug without think about it. =I'm glad she's safe. = Rei's eyes opened wide and a blush grew on her face. She just stood there with her arms to her sides and let Shinji hug her. Shinji then realized what he was doing. "Oh.. um... Rei...I'm... um... sorry about that." He said quickly retreating from the hug. "I don't... um... Know what came over me. I'm just glad your ok." Shinji was looking at Rei and noticed the strange look on her face. He thought that he had offended her very greatly.  
  
"Please Rei I'm very sorry, I didn't want to offend you in any way. I was just caught up in the moment and I'm sorry." Shinji blurted out so quickly it was almost incomprehensible. "Rei please forgive me." Rei looked Shinji in the eyes and said, "There is no need to apologize... the experience was... pleasant." Shinji then smiled and felt the tension subdue. Rei then walked over to Shinji and hugged him with a slight hesitation. "Thank you Shinji." Shinji didn't expect this but he didn't mind. He felt that Rei was beginning to open up to him. "Let's go home Rei." Rei nodded slightly.  
  
Rei and Shinji walked home with a seemingly new bond between them. Rei wanted to talk to Shinji about everything that has happened in her life. Her decision prior to leaving NERV was that she was going to start a change. She felt that this was her opportunity. Her chance at what she liked to believe was happiness. A small smile forced her lips up, "Shinji." She said quietly not even knowing she had said it. "What you say Rei?" Shinji said looking to her. "It's of no concern... I believe." Rei still felt she needed time to build up the strength that was needed for such a drastic change in her life. She then lost herself in thought and kept on walking side by side with Shinji.  
  
Shinji new she had something big on her mind. He didn't want to force it out of her. But in a way he did. He wanted to have someone to talk to with. Someone, that trusted him enough to confide in him. For the looks of it there was no delicate way of bringing up Rei's thoughts into a conversation. He would wait till the opportunity presented itself. He hoped that it would be soon for they did lead dangerous lives indeed.  
  
At their apartment building the said their goodbyes and went into their apartments. Shinji's apartment was clean but not as clean as he liked it to be. So he decided that he would spend the rest of the day cleaning it thoroughly. He also decided that he would take the next few days off school. He didn't want to go anyway and now he had an excuse not to. He could say that piloting the Eva tired him out. Yet in reality he enjoys his time in the Eva. It's comforting, and a stress reliever in some sort of way. Only when he's being shout at in it does it make him feel bad. "Time to waste. I wish I had more of it."  
  
Rei sat down on her bed and contemplated on what she would do with he new found persona. No matter how fast she would try and make it surface, there would need to be a significant event to trigger it. =I have always thought that if I were more normal, the commander would care for me more. He has been the only parental figure in my life. Now I see how cruel he is. If I remember back all the things he has done, he was an appalling man the whole time I knew him... and there is the thought again. I do not remember anything before my age of six. I do not know why I have never though of my past before. I need some guidance with this matter as soon as possible. I shall rest and then try and talk with Shinji about this later tonight. =  
  
+++++Back at Shinji's apartment+++++  
  
Shinji was done cleaning and was now folding his clothes and putting them into his dresser draws. He stopped in mid motion and remembered he needed a new SDAT player and now there was nothing stopping him from getting one. He quickly put on his shoes and started walking to the nearest store in pursuit for a replacement. =This time I won't be caught dead without my SDAT player. I'm glad I'm getting a new one. My father gave me that old one. I always had a deep hope that it would one day bring us together as the family we should have been. I guess it did its job in a sadistic way though. =  
  
Shinji was relieved to see that the first store that he came to had a brilliant looking SDAT player. It was a little pricey but Shinji didn't care about that. He gladly paid the cashier and left the store while retrieving a tape from his pocket. =Forgotten memories and bad dreams wont be a problem anymore. What a wonderful distraction. Hmm. I wonder what I would have turned to if I hadn't got a hold of another one of these. I guess it's best not to think about me doing something destructive to myself. =  
  
Shinji walked to what he liked to think of as his spot. It was Misato's spot but he liked to think of it as something more extraordinary to him. It was a place of solitude away form the convention of man and all the people he anticipated not to see. With his SDAT player in hand he laid on the grassy hill staring into the silhouette of the city. "Sometimes it can be so peaceful"  
  
+++++Rei's place+++++  
  
Rei was stirring slightly in her sleep. For her first time since she could remember, she begun to dream. It was dream of memories long forgotten. A memory that was not possible to think of consciously.   
  
Rei saw herself in a third person point of view. She looks very young, around the age of six. She was walking down the long NERV corridors after being separated from the commander. There was not a hint of fear in the young girls face however. She simply kept walking confident that she would find the commander shortly.   
  
Her constant walking lead her to the room here the magi computers were held. In there she saw Naoko Akagi filling in a few charts that kept record of the computers activities. Naoko noticed Rei at the door and kindly asked, "Are you lost Rei? You want me to help you find the commander?" The young girl stared at her and for a moment then replied, "I do not need your help, old hag"  
  
Naoko changed her expression to agitation, "it's not nice to call someone that Rei. The commander will spank you for saying such things." The young girl then quickly responded, " The commander is the one that calls you this. He says that old hag is useless. She has been a burden for the whole time working on this project. Now that her main priority is finished, she is replaceable."  
  
Upon hearing the word replaceable from the young girl, Rei felt an unsettling pain in her stomach. She didn't like the concept of anything being replaceable. It was a fear she had but never let anyone see. If she were replaceable then no one else would worry about her. She didn't like others to concern themselves with her. But she did want at least one person to care about her.  
  
Rei then focused on what was happening between the young girl and Naoko. To her surprise now, she was no longer in third person view. She was the young girl. Naoko had the young girl in a deadly grip around her neck. She was holding her above the ground with an anger and frustration that frightened Rei. She was feeling herself die while this woman choked and shouted at her. "You little bitch Rei. You're the ones that replaceable. You'll never know how unimportant you are." With those last words in the young girls ears, her struggling went limp and her lifeless body fell from Naoko's hands.   
  
Naoko stared at the girl in horror realizing what she had just done. It was too much for her now weakened moral thoughts to take. By now, all Rei could do was listen to what was happening. Her sight was completely darkened, yet her other senses were enhanced a few folds. She could sense the tension in Naoko's movements, along with the chaotic confusion that engulfed her. Till finally there was remorse and acceptance in her actions. A long silence lingered in the room, until a loud shot range out echoing in Rei's ears. She then felt a warm spray of blood fall on her.  
  
Rei didn't know what this meant. She could smell death in the air. Without her sight she couldn't paint a picture in her mind. She hadn't a clue as to what was going on. She then tried to move but felt nothing in her body. Her muscles had failed her. She still had her sense of touch left in her body but was beginning to feel coldness in her core. She lay there getting colder every minute. Finally she heard off in the distance footsteps approaching.   
  
"It appears my dolls have perished. This one's essence will be sealed in unit 00. And this doll shall be replaced once death has fully sunk in." the voice was instantly recognized as Gendo's. Rei felt death creeping it's way into her. She still however had death second on her mind. =I am replaceable. I have just heard the commander say it as a fact. Yet if I am to die here, how is it that I know of my future self as being alive? =  
  
A numbing cold engulfed her completely. The feeling of dread swept over her. Total emptiness filled the void that gapped between what was life and death. All this, in total darkness. Not even sound could force itself upon her now. Nothing was left but eternal darkness. She was trying with every ounce of strength to scream for help, or give a sign that she wanted to live. All she could do was feel her self shiver.  
  
Finally she felt her mouth move. No sound was escaping but this was hope that she would be able to escape the essence of death. Then there was a whisper, "please... help." Rei opened her tear filled eyes staring at the ceiling. It took her a moment to compose herself. She was in her apartment, safe. =So that is what dreams are. I would have never imagined they would be so frightening. I hope that it is not true. It cannot be true... I am not dead. That girl who they called Rei was not I. I am me, and there is not a possibility that such events could be true. =  
  
Rei sat up in her bed and rubbed the tears out of her eyes. She still had the cold feeling of the dream. =If it was a dream, then why did it feel so real? How am I to tell dreams from reality? I must ask Shinji of this right now. = Rei got up and without even putting shoes on she went next store to Shinji's apartment.   
  
Knocking at his door Rei waited impatiently for his reply. =I wanted to talk with him very much so. It appears he is not here for he would have acknowledged me already. = Rei took a step back and examined the door. She slightly bowed her head and closed her eyes, trying to hold back what she knew to be tears. =He could not be hurt inside could he? That does not seem plausible, no one is inside. I will wait for him to return. =  
  
Rei took one last effort and knocked on the door again stammering out in the loudest voice she would purposely muster up, "Shinji..." She then sat down in front of his door and put her back against it. "I will wait for you"  
  
+++++Shinji, 2 hours later+++++  
  
Shinji woke up from his uneventful sleep surveying the now electricity lit city. A sight that was eerily beautiful. " First good sleep I've had in a long time. I'd better get home. It's starting to get cold." Shinji began walking back to his apartment thinking of how he ever lived without his SDAT player.   
  
He walked up the stairs and saw Rei sitting in front of his door with her knees drawn close to her body with her arms wrapped around them. Her eyes were closed and her head was resting on her knees. She was noticeably cold because she shivered slightly whenever a breeze passed. "Rei! What's wrong, are you ok?" Shinji said runner over to her. She awoke slowly as Shinji bent down and threw her arm over his neck and helped her to her feet.   
  
Rei was cold to the touch. Shinji thought that she must have been outside for hours in the cold of night. Shinji walked Rei to her door and helped her in her apartment. "What were you doing outside there Rei?" Shinji said as he sat her on her bed draping a blanket over her. "I wished to see you." Rei said. "You didn't have to wait outside." Rei then pondered this for a moment. " It wished to speak with you as soon as possible"  
  
"Ok then Rei, I'm here now, what's on your mind?" Rei now had the opportunity to speak her mind. She didn't know why this seemed to be so hard. All she had to do was talk about her self. Shinji new that something had shaken Rei up so he sat there silently waiting for the reply. He knew it was hard to get the guts to talk to someone for the first time about something personal. He has yet to do it himself.   
  
Rei had a heavy feeling in her chest, almost like a panic attack. =I do not have to say everything at once. I can just say what I believe is the source of my current problem. My dream=  
  
"I have had a terrible dream." Rei said staring at the floor. Shinji then felt uncomfortable about the subject. He couldn't deal with his dreams, so how was he supposed to help Rei with hers? Rei then looked to Shinji. "I wish to never have them again." Rei said. Shinji then had an idea. He handed Rei his SDAT, "I listen to this when I sleep to keep dreams away. Its sort of a distraction I like to use. Give it a try."  
  
Rei took it, put it to her ear and pressed the play button. Classical music then begun to play drowning out the thoughts of Rei's dream. "It is... soothing, yet as you said it is only a distraction." Rei said with a sad look on her face. She never wanted the dreams to come again. She didn't think that the music would be able to hold back the memories forever.  
  
"Okay, how about this Rei, use it until you really want to talk about your dreams. This can buy some time for you. Then when you feel like it we can talk all that you like."  
  
Rei nodded, "thank you, Shinji." She then sneezed suddenly. "Looks like your catching a clod Rei. You should stay home from school and get some rest before it gets worse."  
  
Shinji stood up, "cause I know I'm not going to school for a few days." =I need some time to think about all this Eva stuff and get some composure. =  
  
Rei looked at him with her head slightly tilted waiting for further explanation of why he was not attending school. Shinji saw her puzzled gaze, "I'll bring you some soup tomorrow, Rei... good night Rei." He then left her apartment.  
  
Rei stared at the SDAT player in her hand. =This seems to mean a lot to him yet he left it for my use. It makes me feel better. Yet I did not get to talk with him to the extent that I wished. It was to complicated for me to open myself to him. =  
  
Rei turned off the lights and laid in her bed with the blankets drawn to her chin. She really was on the verge of a cold. =I believe I will be taking school off as well. Until Shinji return to school at least. =  
  
Then she heard a small beep coming from her nightstand. It was a small black pager. It read [debrief current mission to third child by tomorrow morning. The schedule may change]  
  
Rei knew that the second child would soon be on their way to Japan from Germany along with Evan unit 02 and... Gendo's key item. Rei then turned on the SDAT player and closed her eyes. She knew how much of a comfort this could be to just forget your troubles, if only for a while.  
  
A/n: ok next chapter is gonna have some turn of events. Asuka will make her debut and unlike the real series Gendo will actually talk to her directly. Hehe. Rei and Shinji's relationship will take a step closer after the battle with next angel. And hopefully I get that up soon huh? Good times until then people. 


	8. a bond

A/n: ok, here comes the beef. =) If its too long say something to me. Cause if you don't it may just get longer every chapter. "Talking" =Thinking=  
  
Chapter 8: a bond.  
  
When nothing of great significance happens, Shinji can't help but feel in high spirits. He hasn't gone to school for three days. Most of his time has been just sitting at home taking advantage of what ever peace he could get, visiting Rei and bringing her some remedies for a cold, and waiting for when his simple times would end. He was always thinking of how his simple times would be coming to a screeching halt ever since Rei had told him of their new mission in securing a special package for Gendo. =Bad times indeed. = Shinji thought as he laid in his bed contemplating on how he would face it all again.  
  
Now it was time to stop feeling normal. Even Rei didn't want anything to change. She and Shinji still haven't had a chance to talk on the level that they both really wanted, but that was still ok with them. The company was enough. So, with Rei feeling better and Shinji controlling his emotions to his liking, they decided it was time to start school again.  
  
Early in the morning they were both already awake an hour before they should be. Shinji let out a sigh. "Here we go again." He began to remember his first day of school and how it was most unpleasant. He was beaten up for something that he couldn't help, and an angel attacked. Shinji then laughed, "Rei stood up for me, and I never even thanked her properly. Haha... I have to remember... to return the favor." Shinji then got up and decided he would have a shower to wake himself up.  
  
Rei was sitting on the edge of her bed playing with the SDAT player Shinji had let her borrow. It had done what Shinji said it would do. But now she thought that she did not need its aid anymore. "I wonder how Shinji has been without this for these past three days. He seems to be happier than usual with his thoughts. Only in times of hardship does he rely on this... I shall be returning this soon then." Rei also knew that the peaceful times would end as well. She then placed the SDAT player on her nightstand and stood up, deciding to take a shower.  
  
Finally it was seven on the dot. Rei was already standing outside her apartment when Shinji came out. "Good morning Shinji." Rei said. "Morning Rei." Shinji said as he was locking his door. "I hope this'll be better than my first day at school. Here lemme take that for you." Shinji then took Rei's book bag from her. Rei was almost startled at what Shinji was doing but held back her surprise. " I wonder if anyone even noticed us missing," Shinji jokingly said, but Rei took these words into consideration. =It is of no concern to our class if we are there or not, yet I feel that such thoughts are hurtful to Shinji and myself. We only have each other it seems. =  
  
"Lets get going Rei."  
  
+++++At school+++++  
  
Shinji and Rei got to school twenty minutes early. They didn't need the extra time anymore cause all their injuries were practically healed. Both of them just walked to their desks next to each other. Shinji took out his books and Rei turned her head towards the window. Shinji saw that she was doing it again. She always stared out that window. It must be a way for her to escape this boredom. Shinji in turn looked in the direction Rei was to see if there was anything in particular she was staring at.  
  
"Shinji Ikari. Rei Ayanami. Looks like you're finally back." Both Rei and Shinji turned to see that it was Hikari talking. "I'll get your work you missed for you both. I don't want anyone to fall behind." She then went to a file cabinet in the back of the class and started rummaging through papers. Rei and Shinji then looked as if nothing had happened and turned back to what they were doing. Shinji was now staring at his desktop instead though.  
  
Soon after a pile of work was in their bags courtesy of Hikari the class begun. It was a lecture on the second impact. That was always the first and last subject of the day. Every student in class zoned out until lunchtime.  
  
When the saving bell rang, Rei stood up silently and walked outside under a tree as she usually does in replacement of the bench farthest from people. The rest of the class dispersed into their usual rituals. Shinji sat for a moment in his desk. "Well... the only person I know is Rei." With that decided he went to where Rei was sitting. "Mind if I eat lunch with you Rei." Shinji asked innocently. "Do you mind sitting with me?" Rei responded almost sadly. "What? Of course not Rei. I wanted to sit with you. I...uhh...mean..."  
  
"Please sit then Shinji" Shinji then moved over and sat next to Rei. Since the tree wasn't very large Shinji and Rei were sitting nearly shoulder to shoulder. Rei bit into her apple staring along side of the school to the trees off in the distance. Shinji took out his sandwich looking around the schoolyard. He saw Rei staring at something again. "Hey Rei, what're you always looking at?"  
  
"I am looking at nothing in particular...it is just easier to look at nothing when one thinks." Shinji was confused a bit. He didn't know what Rei meant but was hesitant to ask. He didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Rei. He then thought, what the hell, "what do you...mean Rei?"  
  
"I am just thinking of daily occurrences when it appears I am staring at something." Rei said as a fact. "Oh." Shinji wanted to kick himself. That's why most people stare off into nothing anyway. He thought that Rei was, maybe, a little different. Nothing that was insulting. But different in a good way.  
  
Before the silence got uncomfortable Toji and Kensuke came walking over. Rei met Toji's eyes with a frown. This meeting obviously made Toji very uncomfortable but Kensuke kept poking Toji in the back. Shinji made no effort to meet Toji's eyes or move for that matter.  
  
Rei was the first one to speak, "what is it that you require of us?" with a stern tone. "Toji then stumbled on his words, "I came...to apologize...to both of yous. I was just upset that day. And I didn't know the truth...sorry."  
  
Rei then stood up defiantly, " I do not accept your apology."  
  
"Wait a sec Rei he seems like he's really sorry. He didn't hit me that hard. Really." Shinji said as he stood up to face Rei. "If I forgive him. I know that you can too."  
  
Rei thought that Shinji was being irrational. "He purposely hurt you though..." She said looking deep into Shinji's eyes to try and pick up on any hidden thoughts. She saw nothing but compassion in his eyes. =I am being illogical? I have had my judgment clouded by my feelings for Shinji. = Shinji then put his hand on her shoulder gently, "It's ok Rei, he seems like a nice enough guy."  
  
"No problem...Toji...right?" Toji then bowed to Shinji and Rei, "It'll never happen again. You know what, we should be friends. Not everyone would forgive me for something like that right away." Toji jokingly said. He then walked over to Shinji and patted him on the back. Then he smiled to Rei.  
  
"Oh man, this guy's really embarrassing." Kensuke said aloud to himself.  
  
=After such an ordeal between them, they can still forgive each other as if nothing unpleasant has happened. Shinji feels happy with this decision...I am glad for him. However, I will still watch Toji to see if he is just trying to get close enough to have Shinji drop his guard. I do not trust him completely. I will try though... for Shinji. =  
  
All of the sudden Hikari came running up behind them, " you better have made up with everyone Toji." She said with one hand on her hip and the other pointing at Toji's face. "Don't worry, I cleared it all up." Toji explained.  
  
"Well...good then." Hikari then walked over and kissed Toji on the cheek, "I'll see you later, and I'm coming with you to visit your sister again." She then went back inside the school building.  
  
"Gee Toji, she doesn't spend as much time with you now that all her responsibilities for the absent students are catching up with her." Kensuke said.  
  
"Well what's a class rep for then? She likes the extra responsibilities and stuff." Toji said with a hidden meaning in his words. Hikari always kept herself busy with school and extra curricular activities. She was living with her two sisters because her parents were killed. She never told Toji how it happened but he knew it was hard on her. Toji was the only one that she would talk to about her problems. He never said anything to anyone because he promised he wouldn't. Sometimes he would try and have her get some help to deal with all her problem. She always kept insisting that they weren't as bad as they seemed.  
  
Toji had always liked Hikari for everything that she was. She felt the same way about him after she got through his rough exterior. They were definitely made for each other. With all the support Toji gave Hikari, they became very close. Only revealing their true thoughts and feelings to each other. Had Rei known of this bond between Hikari and Toji, she would have trusted him right away. They had kept it a secret until earlier in the year where they started to acknowledge to the class their boyfriend girlfriend relationship.  
  
Shinji and Rei sat back down in their original spots, next to the tree. Toji and Kensuke looked at each other and smiled. "So Shinji, how long have you and Rei been a item?" this makes Shinji turn nearly beat red. It even brought a slight blush over Rei. "I...uhh...what do you mean... Rei and I... we're... I mean..."  
  
"No need to freak out on us Shinji-man. We're just asking that's all. You don't have to tell us how deep you two are... yet." Kensuke said with a huge grin on his face. Before Toji could throw in his comment the bell rang. Lunch was over. "Whew, saved by the bell." Shinji thought. He and Rei quickly got up and walked to the classroom. Both of them were embarrassed at the obvious fact that they were attracted to each other. As they went to their seats Shinji felt very flushed and put his head down on the desk. Once the teacher started talking he took a glance at Rei. She was looking back at him appearing to be in deep thought. Once she noticed Shinji was looking at her she started to blush again and turned her head to the window.  
  
=My feelings for Shinji have become less controllable. They have already clouded my judgment in its most common sense. Perhaps the time is coming for me to talk to Shinji about my feelings. I will act upon them soon enough...=  
  
School ended with a better sense then it did the last time for Shinji. He had made new friends and his feelings for Rei were more in perspective. He could tell that by the way that she was acting, that she had some sort of feelings for him.  
  
Things like this went on for a week's time. Everyone was getting along very well. A true pact had been formed between them. Shinji would talk and hang out with Toji and Kensuke sometimes during school. Rei would even be pulled into their conversations and antics sometimes. Hikari would run in with a few words to everyone and smile at Toji before she started up with her class duties. The best times were when they would all have a chance to just sit in the schoolyard together and talk about everything and nothing all at once.  
  
Rei still had trouble adapting to everyone because she still had trouble with even expressing herself to Shinji. The one person she thought could possibly understand what she was going through. When the mood became too uncomfortable for her she excused herself and left. Every time she left all eyes would turn to Shinji. Finally the group spoke up about it.  
  
"Hey Shinji, why don't you go and talk to Rei. You can tell she feels out of place with us sometimes." Hikari said.  
  
"Yeah Shinji man. I bet she'd really like it if you went after her just once." Toji said to help strengthen Hikari's argument.  
  
Shinji opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by Kensuke, " just go talk to her. You'll feel better once you do it. We can all see that you have it in for her."  
  
A blushing Shinji said, "okay okay, you don't have to tell me twice."  
  
Shinji knew that Rei was always coming to the point where she was going to open up to her and then there was always her usual self that kicked in, the self that didn't want anyone to know about. The self that didn't express her feelings. A simple nod was all the response that was issued. Shinji didn't like when she resorted to that. She didn't like it either. "It's time for you to open yourself up." Shinji whispered under his breath when Rei came into his sight.  
  
She was sitting under the tree that she always did. She saw Shinji and closed the book the she was reading. She met his presence with a warm gaze of her crimson eyes. Shinji almost forgot what he was going to say. He stood for a second looking into her eyes and... did forget.  
  
Rei was happy that Shinji had come to talk to her. All the times that she goes to be by herself, she always wanted someone to come and talk to her. It was somewhat of a dream of hers to have someone care for her enough to come and provide her comfort. And there was Shinji. Doing what she had always wanted someone to do. =I'm glad he is here. =  
  
"Please sit down Shinji." Rei said because he was standing there with a lost look on his face. As soon as he complied and sat down next to her, both of their small black pagers went off at the same time. [An angel has been confirmed. Report at once.]  
  
+++++  
  
In no time the town had gone into panic. Rei and Shinji had arrived at NERV in a moments notice. Shinji was going to take on the angel himself by order of Misato. The commander wasn't present and now was not the time to worry about that.  
  
Shinji was in his plug suit and ushered into unit 01. He was determined to have this finish quickly. He felt that his time with Rei was more important to him at the moment. But he didn't want to disappoint anyone. He still wanted to protect her.  
  
All that was left was the launch to the surface. His ascent had begun. "Energy is gathering in the core of the angel." Ritsuko shouted from her station. As soon as Shinji was exposed to line of sight of the angel it opened fire on him before any reactions could be made.  
  
Only screaming could be heard from his COM link.  
  
+++++In the hospital wing+++++  
  
"I don't like this ceiling..." Shinji said as soon as he was able to open his eyes and realize where he was. He sat up to help gather his bearings quicker. He didn't want to stay in this room for too long.  
  
All of a sudden Shinji felt panic. He realized that he was there because the angel had done this to him. The angel was still running about the city doing what it wanted. He didn't know what was happening on the surface.  
  
"Conserve your energy Shinji. We will soon need to pilot the Evangelion again." Rei said as she placed her hand on Shinji's. Her words were soothing him. But the feeling didn't last. "Both of us?" Shinji asked with a soft whisper.  
  
"That is correct. We will proceed according to plan in one hour. I must go check in with command on the details." Rei then got up and walked to the door and turned back to Shinji. "I am relieved that you are uninjured... I will return shortly." She quietly said.  
  
"I must have worried everyone. I hope that no one's been hurt because of my mistakes."  
  
+++++Control room+++++  
  
"So Shinji's awake huh? Okay...so...what's the damage report in unit 01" Misato said aloud to everyone in the control room.  
  
"It's not as bad as it looked. Only the armor was damaged. It's almost repaired." Ritsuko said. "Good thing that we were able to get him back when we did." Maya chimed in.  
  
"What's the damage on the city?" Misato then asked in a fearful tone. She knew that the angel had gone into a shooting spree after it had seen unit 01. She could only think the worst...and she wasn't too far off.  
  
"It...hit a shelter directly. We're doing all we can right now. Death tolls are in the hundreds right now. We don't know how much they will rise." Ritsuko said unwillingly. "We have to take this angel down. When are we going to start the operation captain?"  
  
"In an hour. That's when we'll kick into action. I'll brief Rei on it right now, then I'll have her relay it to Shinji." Misato said with a sigh.  
  
Right on cue Rei came in.  
  
"Ok Rei, here's where we stand..."  
  
+++++5 minute's later in the hospital wing+++++  
  
Shinji was sitting in the bed already in his new plug suit. =What are the angels? Why is it that we have to fight them? I don't even know what I'm up against here. =  
  
Rei came in also wearing her plug suit and holding a mission card. She handed it to Shinji; "you are to use a high powered riffle at long distance while I am to shield you from any attacks."  
  
"Rei...I..."  
  
"We must go to the rendezvous point and await for the city's power down in order to charge the riffle...we will talk there." Shinji nodded in a dazed and confused look. A lot was happening in a short amount of time. This angel attack was already threatening the lives of many people, and Rei was supposed to protect Shinji. He knew there was nothing that he could do about it. But he wanted too.  
  
Shinji and Rei left to what was feeling like a death march. Unbeknownst to Shinji, many had already died. If he had known that the angel had killed so many he would have blamed himself and given up all hope. The only thing now was preventing it from killing everyone. +++++Outskirts of the city+++++  
  
Unit 01 and unit 00 were placed in a ready position. Shinji and Rei had twenty minutes to kill before all power was converted to their point. Now is their chance to talk.  
  
A silence stretches across the land, as everyone is underground. A cool breeze reminds them they are still among the living. You wouldn't be able to tell anyone has been in the city from there anyway.  
  
Shinji steps down from unit 01 and sits between the two enormous Eva's, a few paces away from the gate at the cliffs end. Rei emerges from her Eva and comes to sit next to Shinji. She sits closer to him then both of them realize because they are shoulder to shoulder. Even closer than they were at school under Rei's tree. The feelings they had at school returned to both of them. This time they were better prepared.  
  
Shinji was staring of into the vastness of the mountains adjacent to the city. "Rei..." Shinji said with a hesitation that pointed to him thinking harder about something than he had ever done before. "Why do we do this? Why are we the ones that have to save the world from the angels?"  
  
Rei thought about this for a moment. "We are bonded Shinji."  
  
"What do you mean Rei? What are we bonded to?"  
  
"Do you not feel this bond between all things?"  
  
"I don't know Rei. I can't feel the bond between everything. I feel that I am cut off from the world. Maybe different enough to not be a part of the bond. Because I've known nothing besides being alone."  
  
Rei widened her eyes at Shinji's answer. Maybe he was right. Maybe being an outcast cut certain ties to one's self. How is it that one that is alone by choice can be bonded to something unwillingly?  
  
Then there was a revelation. Rei knew that Shinji still did have some bonds. Perhaps one of the bonds was with her. She looked over to him trying to read his body language. What he said is what he meant. He was completely honest in all respects.  
  
"Shinji...I also know nothing but being alone. Yet I still feel that you and I share something that no one else does. Our bond is greater than most."  
  
Shinji was beginning to understand. From the start of their relationship he protected her. She feels the same way. Only wanting his safety.  
  
"What if this is our last mission Rei? What if we don't make it?"  
  
"Why would you say such a thing?" Rei said as she slightly turned her head. Shinji's emotions were almost overpowering him. Rei could sense it. He was frightened at what the outcome of this battle could be. She wanted Shinji to tell her what brought about such things.  
  
"Maybe cause we haven't had enough time...I know I haven't."  
  
She knew what he was talking about and could relate to it by every word. The odds are if anyone were killed in this mission, it would be her. For the first time ever, she valued her life. She did not want to be replaceable. She wanted her time to count.  
  
Rei couldn't help it. It was almost an instinctive reaction that she had no objections with. She scooted as close as she could get to Shinji and put her head on his shoulder.  
  
"I wish my last moments to be pleasant as well Shinji." Rei said as she closed her eyes and put her hand in Shinji's.  
  
Rei's closeness made Shinji tense up briefly, but then he submitted to it. Her words were more than frightening but he didn't want to spoil the moment, which he had to also admit, may be their last together.  
  
The silence was nothing but comforting. Both were wishing that nothing would take this moment from them. When the lights of the city started to go out Rei stood up and faced away from Shinji, "goodbye Shinji." She then hurried into unit 00 before a response could be made.  
  
Shinji stared blankly at unit 00 for a moment. He thought, = I could really lose her tonight... and I don't have anything I can do about it. = He then came back to the real world and ran to unit 01.  
  
+++++  
  
Shinji and Rei were in position. With darkness surrounding the angel it was an easy target. =I've got a clear shot. I can't miss. = Thought Shinji as unit 01 brought the angel into view of the riffle.  
  
As Shinji pulled the trigger the angel shot an energy beam of its own causing the two to flay violently off course. Shinji quickly reloaded but the chamber still had to cool. Not enough time...  
  
The angel got off a shot before Shinji could react. He froze with fear. Right before it hit, Rei in unit 00 jumped in front of Shinji. Rei's strain could be heard over the COM link. Shinji knew he had to act fast. His next shot went through without a hitch, dropping the massive angel.  
  
Unit 00 then relieved of the strain fell limply to the ground. Shinji made a quick move to turn the unit 00 on its back and remove the entry plug. As soon as he could, he placed it on the ground and got out of his Eva.  
  
"Rei!! Rei!!" Shinji shouted as he ran over to the entry plug. Wincing in pain as he opened the super heated hatch he then broke down into tears when he saw Rei.  
  
She appeared to be unconscious but Shinji didn't know what to think anymore. He pulled her out of the entry plug and sat her up slightly. "Rei...please..." he couldn't do anything but sit there and cry silently.  
  
Once he felt her stir, relief washed over him. Now his tears were tears of joy. Rei opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was Shinji crying. "Why are you crying?" Rei said tiredly. Shinji looked at her and smiled. " I thought that I had lost you. Please never say goodbye when we go on missions Rei. I don't want to think about what could have happened."  
  
Rei smiled at the thought of someone caring for her enough to cry. She brought her hand up to Shinji's check and gently touched it. "I almost gave up on life. I am sorry Shinji." Shinji brought Rei closer and hugged her. He was at a loss for words.  
  
Off in the distance a NERV medical team could be heard coming. Everything was going to be all right.  
  
+++++Next day: Rei and Shinji's apartment building. +++++  
  
The phone rang in Rei's apartment. It could only be Gendo.  
  
"Hello." Rei said answering the phone  
  
"You and Shinji are to be picked up in thirty minutes by jet. They will take you to the navy fleet carrying unit 02 and a suitcase of special interest. Your main concern is the contents of the suitcase. Kaji Ryoji has been instructed to hand it over promptly but if he is to resist, any action to get it may be deemed appropriate."  
  
"Understood."  
  
There was a click, and then the dial tone was heard.  
  
+++++  
  
A NERV company jet arrived right on time for Shinji and Rei. Misato was sitting inside it waiting for them.  
  
"Hey Rei, hey Shinji." Misato said with a warm smile. "You two did great yesterday. Sorry I couldn't say that yesterday to you, but I had a ton of paper work. Disposing of those angels is pricey." She said with an embarrassed grin.  
  
As Shinji and Rei sat down opposite of Misato, Shinji said, "I'm just glad that no one was hurt."  
  
Misato tensed at his word. She thought that he had known by now. =I guess it would be best if he heard it from me instead of someone like his father. Looks like I've got to prepare myself for an uncomfortable ride again...here goes. =  
  
"Shinji...I guess I'm the best person to tell you this. One of the angel's random shots hit a shelter directly."  
  
Shinji could only lower his head in shame. He already knew by Misato's tone that there were a lot dead. He was blaming himself again. He felt that he was the only one to blame. "How bad...was it Misato?"  
  
"Bad Shinji...the death toll came to...two hundred and thirty-seven. Not one survivor. The residents of D block home at the time were the victims."  
  
Shinji clenched his fist. He wanted it all to end. He couldn't think of a way out.  
  
Rei sat there looking at Misato as if she had offended Shinji. She thought that this was a bad time to tell Shinji of dire events. She gripped Shinji's hand and leaned over to him as to keep what she was telling him inaudible from Misato, "do not contemplate too long on past events. They are not your doing Shinji." Shinji raised his head to meet Rei's eyes. Her look said that she was serious about what she had said. Shinji then gave out a little laugh, "thanks a lot Rei." he then put his hand over hers.  
  
Misato sat there in awe at how both the two quietest people she had ever encountered came to be so close and responsive to each other. =Whoever said opposites attract was dead wrong. =  
  
Everyone was caught up in a flurry of thoughts that no one had noticed that they had already landed. Then a voice caught everyone by surprise.  
  
"Well. Looks like the first and third child are acquainted already." The arrogant tone brought all eyes on her just as was expected.  
  
"Allow me to interrupt and introduce myself. Asuka Langley Soryu. Second child chosen by the Mar Duke report, and pilot of Evangelion unit 02."  
  
Rei stared inertly at Asuka and thought. =Red...the color I hate. =  
  
A/N: ok, there be it. That was a chapter for the hopeless romantics in a way. I wanted this chapter to show how close Rei and Shinji have become. Now I can move on to how much I can mess with everyone's minds again. It's gonna be fun. Gendo will be back from his trip. And has Rei already made up her mind on Asuka? Coming up on our next endeavor, depression will take its toll on us all So get ready for next time cause here comes the hurt. See you space cowboy... oh wait wrong anime.  
  
Much thanks to one of my pre readers VengefulPirate. He can spell and all that stuff way better than I. 


	9. giving up

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or any of its characters.  
  
&  
  
This chapter contains graphic depictions of abuse, violence, suicidal stuff, and mild cursing. So if you can't handle these right now, do not read further. Viewer discretion is advised. =) Can't say I didn't warn you.  
  
So I'm looking forward to any and all reviews you're all so kind enough to leave me. I love all forms of feedback so don't be shy now. Tell me what you think.  
  
A/n: most people wouldn't think that I could go from a romance chapter to a dark lined chapter like this. But guess what? All you darkfic fans are in for a treat. Also no one said anything about the length so it's gonna be a long one again.  
  
Chapter 9: giving up.  
  
"Well is everyone gonna stare or are you gonna introduce yourselves?" The angry redhead shouted. Everyone then stepped out of the plane onto the carrier.  
  
"Asuka? I barely recognized you. It's been a while since I've seen you. You seemed to have developed into quite the young lady." Misato said trying to make small talk. "Of course." Asuka added.  
  
"So, these are the two other pilots." Asuka said eyeing up Shinji and Rei.  
  
"Umm, hi. I'm... uhh... Shinji" Shinji said scratching the back of his head. Asuka then turned her attention to Rei. "Well?"  
  
"What?" Rei said in a quiet tone that showed little interest in Asuka's gaze. Asuka then gave out an annoyed sigh. "Aren't these two the pair? Couldn't find anyone with some personality could you Misato?"  
  
"Come now Asuka, they're just not as outgoing as you." A man's voice said from behind her.  
  
"KAJI!!" Asuka and Misato chimed in at the same time.  
  
Rei and Shinji looked at each other. This man, Kaji Ryoji, was the man that held one of Gendo's items of value. It was referred to as classification number 00001xc, first of existence.  
  
Before a flustered Misato could make a comment on how she knew this man, Rei took a step toward him with Shinji in stride behind her.  
  
"Kaji Ryoji, I am to take into my possession item 00001xc which is on route to NERV headquarters." Rei said with an unenthusiastic and scripted voice.  
  
"Here's the written authorization to show proof of it." Shinji said with a fear filled voice as he handed Kaji the card. =I hate to do my father's dirty work, but I know this will help Rei. She can't do this alone and I know she can't turn my father down. What hold does he have on her I wonder? =  
  
Kaji looked down at the card and gave a little laugh. "I knew they would be coming here to get it from me. I just never thought that they would send the pilots to do it."  
  
"Well ok I know when you get orders you can't disobey. Let's head down to the cabin area to get acquainted a bit. I'll give you what you came for there." Kaji said as he shot a grin to Misato.  
  
During this whole time Misato was baffled by what Rei and Shinji were doing. They were in on a loop that she had no idea even existed. The pilots of the Evangelion were given top treatment but to be given classified information that she didn't even have was slightly frightening to her. =How much don't I know? = Misato thought as she questioned her position.  
  
They all proceeded down to the cabins with Kaji leading the way. Asuka didn't like the fact that she didn't know what was happening and that things took on a more serious tone all of a sudden. Worst of all, she wasn't the center of attention anymore.  
  
+++++  
  
After being crammed in an elevator to get to the lower deck, everyone was glad to finally sit at a table. Shinji, Rei, and Misato sat on one side while Kaji and Asuka sat on the other.  
  
Kaji was the one to break the ice. "So Misato. You have a boyfriend yet? Or you still looking for Mr. Right."  
  
"I'll have you know that that's none of your business. Thank you very much." Misato snapped.  
  
Shinji couldn't help but enjoy what was happening. He always thought of Misato as someone constantly on the offensive. But Kaji had her against the ropes, so Shinji couldn't help but ask. "Hey Kaji, how do you know Misato so well?" Sudden tension could be felt coming from Misato. Shinji smiled a bit and looked over to Rei. She was staring at nothing again, obviously just waiting for her mission to continue.  
  
"Well Shinji my boy, I used to, how should I say this as not to offend the ladies here... 'Go out' with Misato."  
  
Misato stood up "Kaji! That was a long time ago, and has nothing to do with now."  
  
"Heh, I still see she's as loud as ever." Kaji said with a smile across his face. Misato heavily blushed and nearly sunk her head in her shoulders from embarrassment. Asuka on the other hand was clearly upset. She hated when Kaji ignored her. And especially when it was for someone like Misato. "I wonder what that's supposed to mean?" Asuka said as she crossed her arms and sulked.  
  
Shinji, still with a smile on his face, looked over to see what Rei was thinking of all this. She was still staring at the same spot. But now Shinji noticed what she was staring at. It was Asuka. So Shinji leaned over and asked Rei, "hey Rei, is something wrong?"  
  
Without diverting her eyes she said, "I do not believe so. It is...just... I wish to tell you later Shinji." Shinji nodded his head. He didn't need any further explanation from Rei.  
  
=What is it that I feel towards Asuka? I do not think that I can trust her, or Kaji. = Rei heard those thoughts echo in her head. She then went over a list of all the people that she knew. She didn't trust one of them. Not one. Except...for Shinji. She came to terms with her thoughts of Shinji, but was still contemplating about Asuka. =There is something else about her that I find, displeasing. = Rei sat and tried to think of what she held against Asuka.  
  
Asuka couldn't stand seeing Kaji and Misato flirt with each other anymore. She wanted to get out of there, or at least change the direction of the conversation. She thought of a great opening. "Hey you two. You wanna see the first real Eva unit? My unit 02."  
  
Rei responded, "the sample we came for takes precedence over Evangelion unit 02."  
  
"Well, there are two of you here. How about Shinji comes with me. That way you can get both your 'missions' done at the same time. Just catch up with us later." Asuka said with a sinister smile  
  
Rei looked at Asuka with a slight frown. Her unfamiliar feelings towards her were beginning to grow. Rei didn't like it but what Asuka was saying was logical. She turned to Shinji reluctantly and said, "I will go with Mr. Ryoji and then proceed to the hanger to meet you before we depart."  
  
"Umm... ok, I guess that sounds good Rei. Sure you don't want me to go with you."  
  
Asuka jumped on his sentence like a hungry lion. "Don't worry Rei I won't do anything to your boyfriend while you're away."  
  
Asuka got up and grabbed Shinji by the wrist, leading him to the hanger. "Come on third child, I'll show what the best pilot's prized possession is."  
  
Once they were out of sight Kaji said to Rei, "so, it looks like it's down to business then. I'm sure Misato wouldn't mind meeting me on the deck later."  
  
Rei stood up and Misato and Kaji followed example. "See you later dear." Kaji said waving to Misato as she walked to the elevator.  
  
"Ok Rei, my quarters are just down there. Wait here a minute and I'll bring it. No need for you to keep walking around the ship when others can do it for you." Kaji said trying to get Rei to smile. With no avail he left for his quarters.  
  
=I can't believe they sent the pilots to get it. And so early. I thought they would've been here hours later like originally planned. I have to make this fast and get those pictures for the government without disturbing the contents inside. I can't believe I have Adam in my grasp and I'm just supposed to hand it over. =  
  
Rei sat and waited for Kaji to return. She was concerned that he was planning something in his prolonged absence. It was obvious that he was doing something aside from his task. Rei could only hope that she was still able to get it. She had never failed a mission of Gendo's before, she was afraid to think what would happen if she did.  
  
Gendo had changed so suddenly. He used to show a hint of what he is now, but something brought out the hate in him. It was either; time was running short, Shinji showing up in his life again, or both. Rei couldn't take the time to think about it any longer. A large explosion could be heard in the distance.  
  
Panic grew in the deck above her. Something was happening that was big enough to make the navy react. She knew it was an angel.  
  
She had to get Adam to NERV.  
  
+++++Meanwhile+++++  
  
Shinji and Asuka heard the commotion as well. Looking off starboard they could see a huge whale like angel. Asuka was pleased at the sight, =I can prove myself to these two pilots by showing them who's the best. Shinji will be my witness. =  
  
"Hey third child, follow me. Quick."  
  
Both of them ran back down to unit 02. "We've got to destroy that angel, get in."  
  
"What!? You've gotta be crazy. It's not fit for two pilots. And besides, I need to find Rei."  
  
"Fine you baka, I don't need you anyway. I just thought seeing the greatest pilot in first hand action would be something you would enjoy. Go find that wonder girl and take notes. I'll show you how it's done you coward." Asuka then pushed Shinji away from her and got in the entry plug.  
  
"How dare him choose her over me." Asuka grumbled as she readied unit 02.  
  
Shinji thought that Asuka was able to take care of herself and was probably the safest in the Eva by herself. He might disturb her thoughts and he knew that inside an Eva, the thoughts of the pilot were all that kept them in touch with reality. At least for him they were.  
  
Unit 02 came to life and proceeded out the hanger. "Shinji will be sorry he doubted me."  
  
Shinji watched unit 02 jump from ship to ship towards the angel. "She can do it by herself...now I have to find Rei." he immediately began running back to the crew's quarters where he last saw her.  
  
+++++  
  
Rei ran to Kaji's quarters in hopes to get what she came for. To her surprise there was no one in the room, nor was there what she came for. She felt fear surge through her body. She stood there in the doorway ready to cry. If it weren't for what she heard she would have.  
  
A man was seen running in opposite direction of her carrying a silver briefcase. It was Kaji and he was getting away. Rei immediately took in pursuit of him. Once Kaji reached the flight of stairs, Rei knew that if she was not able to catch up to him now there would be no hope. She didn't even know what she was going to do if she did catch up to him.  
  
Rei was clearly faster than Kaji but as soon as he reached the top of the flight there was a deafening loud sound instantly followed by a large jolt. It only fazed Kaji for a moment before he bolted out the door. Rei didn't recover as quickly and begun to lose ground on him.  
  
When she arrived outside on deck, Kaji was already in a waiting jet. Rei felt that surge of fear again. She had failed. She thought that she was completely worthless for failing. It was something she had never done. Something that she thought held repercussions of a punishment that was worse than death from Gendo.  
  
Rei slowly staggered backwards until her back met the wall adjacent to the doorway she had just come through. She was dazed and confused with fear of what was to come of Gendo's reprimand.  
  
Rei then quickly averted her attention to what seemed to be a shadow casting itself over the entire ship. It was unit 02 coming in for its power cable. Its landing was impeccable but it still shook the ship with a force so great it nearly capsized. Rei didn't have enough reaction time or anything to grab on to when she began to slip.  
  
Right before she was out of reach Shinji put his foot to the doorway and grabbed Rei's arm. With the boat being nearly vertical atop the water he strained to keep a hold of her long enough for him to get a better grip on her.  
  
The ship still had momentum rocking it in the water. Shinji pulled Rei close to him and got down on the floor so it would be easier to keep them both from sliding off the ship. The violent shaking of the boat and high waves ceased. The battle was now underwater.  
  
Shinji saw that Rei looked almost traumatized. He knew that it couldn't have been from the angel encounter. She was an Eva pilot after all.  
  
Both still sitting on the ground, Shinji asked, "Rei? What happened?"  
  
Rei stood up and looked off in the distance the jet had flown. "I have failed my mission." She said with such a sad emotion in her voice. As if the only purpose in her life had been thwarted by a simple mission. Shinji didn't understand that Rei thought this 'was' her purpose. To follow orders, achieve her objectives, and destroy the angels.  
  
Only until recently she would have accepted her fate to be dealt to her by Gendo. "I must report in." but her voice hinted at something that Shinji could almost hear in clear words. Shinji stood up, "I'll go with you too. I'm more responsible for this happening than you. I'll take the blame."  
  
Rei turned to Shinji quickly and looked him in his eyes with all seriousness. "I shall take responsibility. It was my given mission that extended to you in a less authoritative manner. Let us first report back to captain Katsuragi." Rei knew that if Shinji had been blamed for this effort then the commander would surely do something drastic to him. She didn't want to tell him how she knew so. So she just made it seem as if this wasn't his mission as much as it was hers.  
  
Rei then remembered how much of a threat they were still in at the present moment. Now wasn't the time to ready for something they weren't sure was going to happen.  
  
+++++  
  
Unit 02 was under water and the d type equipment was still on it. There was no way that Asuka could survive easily. "Shinji, we must help coordinate the attack against the angel. I heard captain Katsuragi's voice over a loud speaker. She must be in the control room."  
  
While Shinji and Rei were on their way to find Misato, Asuka was having her first real fight with an angel. This fight was not in her favor at all. She replaced fear with anger, and used every ounce of it to move the Eva. She couldn't die now. Not after she had trained for two years just to prove to everyone that she was the best. Eva was her life, but she didn't want it to be her death as well.  
  
"I'm not going down without a fight." She said while looking around for the fast moving angel. It wasn't until it was too late that she saw it advancing on her from below. A sharp bite around her body was all that proved it wasn't her in control. She was a worm on a hook and the big fish took the bait.  
  
The strength of the angel underwater was enough to pull unit 02 to the end of its power cable and still swim. Misato then began shouting orders for her to open the mouth of the giant angel. She planned to sink two ships into it and have them detonated once they were inside it.  
  
The plan was simple enough if you could call that a plan. But Asuka still had trouble even moving the Eva. She still said that it wasn't a problem to Misato. Her pride wouldn't let her show pain in front of the two other pilots who were now watching.  
  
Once the ship started reeling unit 02 in, she felt a panic and at that moment her synch ratio jumped to near perfect letting her open the angel's mouth just in time.  
  
Misato, Rei, and Shinji saw from the surface of the water a large explosion followed by unit 02 flying through the air towards the carrier. Unit 02 had a graceful landing, and then collapsed from loss of power.  
  
"I showed that angel not to mess with Asuka Langley Soryu!" Asuka shouted as soon as her entry plug was open. "Looks like I could put you two out of a job." She said as she saw Rei and Shinji.  
  
"This is gonna be a long trip back to Tokyo-03" Shinji said to Rei.  
  
+++++**  
  
'Over the rainbow' reached Tokyo-03's bay at dusk. Misato had offered the spare room in her apartment to Asuka and she gladly accepted. She wanted to stay close to Misato because of her relationship with Kaji.  
  
Rei and Shinji made their way back to their apartments. Rei was even more quiet than usual. Once the company car dropped Shinji and Rei off Shinji asked her what was wrong.  
  
"I must report to the commander. I must tell him that the mission was a failure." She said while staring past Shinji.  
  
"Ok Rei, let me drop off these papers in my apartment and then we'll get going."  
  
"No Shinji... do not come with me. I must do this alone." She then began walking off towards NERV headquarters. "Rei?" Shinji said as he jogged to catch up with her.  
  
"Wait for me Shinji. I require this of you." she turned to walk of again and this time Shinji didn't follow. He knew that her conversation with his father would be hard on her. His presence would only make things more difficult. He didn't want to pressure Rei about it but he felt that he still should have gone with her. He didn't want to make a mistake when it came to dealing with his father whether it is himself or someone he cared about.  
  
+++++Gendo's office+++++  
  
"So Ikari. I got it here in one piece."  
  
"Why didn't you hand it over to the pilots, Ryoji?"  
  
"Can't trust anyone when it comes to this. Not even the pilots. They weren't in the original scenario. You know that Ikari."  
  
"Trust can't be placed in anyone Ryoji. Why does the seal appear to be tampered with then."  
  
"I already explained that. It was a scramble to get off the boat when the angel attacked. You should just be glad its here in one piece."  
  
"Well done Ryoji. I assume you wish to get to your duties as our new head of NERV special inspections."  
  
"Looks like I'm leaving then. See ya Ikari."  
  
Gendo was furious with what had transpired. Kaji was obviously hiding something but Gendo had no way of proving this. Kaji could prove to be a problem later in Gendo's scenario. He was now put under a closer watch then before. Gendo wanted Kaji caught red-handed. Then Gendo thought, =if only Rei had succeeded in getting Adam, Kaji would have most likely done something desperate to get it back. =  
  
Then at the worst possible moment there was a quiet knock at the door. "Come in Rei." Gendo said as he begun to stand.  
  
The scared girl walked up to him hiding her fear well. She was used to hiding her emotions in front of the commander because he raised her to keep them on the inside. Showing them was a sign of weakness and failure in yourself and others. Plus, emotions were not necessary in life. That's what she had been taught.  
  
Rei then gave her report to the commander not leaving out a single detail, as she was told not to. After taking it all in the commander stepped closer to Rei.  
  
"You let Kaji Ryoji by himself with the sample?"  
  
"Yes sir"  
  
"He then escaped with the sample"  
  
"Yes sir"  
  
"And you know that it was your top priority to get the sample back to me?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Then why did you fail if I told you not to?" Gendo said this while raising his voice slightly. His anger was building with Rei.  
  
Rei didn't know what to say to that last question. She stood there in front of the commander afraid to move. She could sense that he was angry and knew that any wrong action would have dire consequences. She also knew that her silence in this manner would have the same if not worse effects.  
  
She then looked into the eyes of the man who had raised her like a daughter. She didn't recognize him. His change was so drastic. Her role in his scenario was now to follow orders, and stop being someone he once seemed to care about.  
  
Gendo's patience had grown thin. "Answer me Rei!" he nearly shouted.  
  
Rei jumped at his tone of voice. She was too terrified to say anything. Scanning his eyes again she slightly opened her mouth in an effort to say something.  
  
Gendo had had enough. He wanted Rei to know that she would not disobey him again at any cost. So to tighten his control over her, he knew that he could not let her forget when she did something wrong, that there would be a serious reprimand.  
  
Gendo was now a foot from Rei with a more than serious look on his face.  
  
Then in what seemed like slow motion. Rei saw Gendo draw his hand back. Her eyes grew as she instinctively started to take a step back. Before her foot was down she was hit. That's when everything came back up to speed.  
  
The force of the hit caused her to stumble to her right. She held herself up with her arm though. As soon as she turned to Gendo he was right there. He hit her again just below her temple. This hit made her fall to the ground. Gendo took that time to rub his knuckles slightly. He had hit Rei as hard as he could.  
  
She laid there with blood starting to drip from her check and temple. His hits had busted her skin. Rei then began to cry slightly. Not so much as the pain from being hit, but because the man that was doing this was like a father to her. Her closest relationship to anyone was with him, before she met Shinji.  
  
Gendo noticed the sobs of Rei. He was almost infuriated by them. "Shut up!" he shouted as he kicked her while she was down. "Don't make me question your purpose again Rei," he said more calmly.  
  
Rei barely heard him because of the pain. His kick to her weak ribs was almost enough pain to make her pass out. While she was curled in a ball bruised, bleeding, and crying she could only think of how the commander thought that she at times, had no purpose.  
  
Gendo walked over to his desk and picked up the phone. "Doctor Akagi, get down here at once. Rei needs some medical assistance."  
  
Within a minute the doctor was there. "Check to see if anything is broken, then take her home." Gendo said as he walked past the stunned doctor. Before he got out of the door he stopped in his tracks and turned his head slightly to her. "Be sure to inform the third child of Rei's condition once she is home."  
  
+++++  
  
Ritsuko had to personally attend to Rei then drive her home. She didn't want anyone to know of this incident. Even though she knew that Shinji would come to the right conclusion once he saw Rei.  
  
In front of the apartment building Ritsuko said to Rei, "go inside your apartment. I'll send Shinji right over." With a blank look on her bruised and stitched face she complied and went to her apartment. Ritsuko stood there for a moment to think of what she would tell Shinji.  
  
She decided that she wasn't going to tell him anything. Shinji was going to find out what happened. She just had to tell him to look.  
  
At Shinji's door she knocked forcefully to be sure that she got his attention. The drowsy boy looked at her confused. She didn't waste anytime, "Shinji, Rei needs to see you. She's in her apartment now."  
  
Shinji just looked at her while she turned down the hall and out of sight. Now he was worried.  
  
He walked over to her door and saw that it was slightly opened. He walked in looking for Rei. He called out her name quietly but there was no response. When he got to her bedroom he saw her sitting on the floor leaning against her bed. He slowly walked over to her and knelt down next to her.  
  
"Rei... Rei what happened?"  
  
Shinji saw that she had a few stitches above her left eye along with a heavily bruised check that had begun to swell up.  
  
Rei didn't even look at Shinji. It was as if she didn't even know he was there. Shinji got up and went to the freezer to get some ice for her. He then gently placed it against her face.  
  
Rei then looked at him and smiled a very sad smile.  
  
"What happened Rei? You can tell me." He said as he stared into her crimson eyes. She couldn't hold her smile for long. Her eyes filled with tears but she didn't make a sound. "Please Rei. Tell me."  
  
Quietly she said to Shinji, "I was punished for my mistakes...and..." she started to cry again which stopped her in mid sentence. Shinji moved next to her and put his arm around her to try and calm her down.  
  
"My father will pay for this Rei. For what he did to you."  
  
Rei calmed when Shinji held her. She thought of what she was feeling for the commander.  
  
"The commander has taken nearly everything from me that I hold value to. He has even taken himself away from me. I once looked up to him...now I am confused with feelings of hate for him. I did disobey him...maybe I deserved such anger and punishment from him."  
  
Shinji was now growing angry with Rei. While still holding her he said.  
  
"He has no right to decide that Rei. He can't control you anymore. You're your own person. No one deserves what he has done to you. He has no right." Shinji was now staring straight ahead at nothing. He didn't know what he was saying anymore. His anger was getting the best of him and clouding his judgment.  
  
Shinji now had to face his feeling of resentment for his father. =Why is it that all my memories of him have been of pain and suffering? Even now he's still doing it. Someone has to stop him. Something has to end what he is up to. I know that mother would never have approved of anything that he has been doing. =  
  
Rei interrupted Shinji's thoughts suddenly. "I am afraid Shinji. I do not want to face him anymore."  
  
"I know Rei. He wont be able to get away with this anymore." Rei then put her arms around Shinji but winced at the pain in her side. Shinji knew that her ribs were at least bruised. "Let me help you to bed Rei."  
  
"Shinji. Please don't... please stay with me."  
  
"Ok Rei... I'm not leaving you."  
  
=Soon enough. Don't worry anymore Rei. He'll get his. =  
  
+++++  
  
Shinji had slept over at Rei's that night. Rei insisted that he could share the bed with her but he slept on the floor anyway.  
  
Since they were ordered to attend school they did so. Also a special order came from Ritsuko. If anyone were to ask how Rei had her injuries, she would say it was during the previous angel battle.  
  
Shinji and Rei both had a good sleep because they knew the other was near... although Shinji still felt so much tension because of what his father had done.  
  
The walk to school wasn't pleasant either because there was still major damage from the previous fight in the city. Shinji remembered the shelter that was destroyed. He still blamed himself for it even though everyone was telling him otherwise.  
  
When they got to school there was hardly anyone there. Shinji could only think that they had been killed. Rei seemed to know what he was thinking so she leaned over and said, "many people have moved due to the numerous angel attacks. They are safe Shinji."  
  
Then in walked Asuka trying to make her big entrance. "Hi everyone. I'm the new student. Asuka Langley Soryu. So everyone, where's..." her attention was drawn to Rei.  
  
"Rei!! What happened to you? I saw you yesterday and there wasn't a scratch on you. What did you do to her baka Shinji?"  
  
"During the angel attack I was injured."  
  
"What are you talking about? I saw you after the angel attack. Sheesh. Never mind then. Live your secret little lives then you dumkoffs."  
  
Asuka then went back to introducing herself to the class and making friends with everyone. Rei resumed looking out the window and Shinji scanned the classroom to see what everyone was doing. He noticed Hikari wasn't there today, which was strange for the class rep. Toji was sitting in the corner by himself with a solemn look on his face. Shinji was about to get up and talk to him but the teacher came in and class started.  
  
As the monotonous voiced teacher left for lunch so did the class. Toji didn't move from his seat though. Shinji looked over to Rei and said that they should go and talk to him.  
  
"Hey Toji, what's up. And where's Hikari."  
  
"Hmm. You didn't hear? That shelter had her two sisters in it. She's at the memorial service probably. It's today. Only reason I didn't go with her cause she wanted me to fill in as class rep and Kensuke was absent cause he was upset about something or other. He didn't really tell me why." Toji then looked up and saw that Shinji had a blank look on his face.  
  
"Shinji-man. Don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault bro. I know there was nothing you could do. Don't let it get to you. We're still rooting for you, Rei, and even Asuka." Toji then saw Rei's face.  
  
"What happened to you?"  
  
"I was injured during the angel attack on the carrier fleet 'over the rainbow'."  
  
"At least your still ok...I'll see you two later. I'm calling it a day here. I'm gonna visit my sister."  
  
Rei said goodbye and then looked over to Shinji because he did not reply. "What is the matter Shinji"  
  
"I'll be right back." Shinji said in a spaced out voice. He was so deep in his own thoughts that he couldn't do anything but walk off as if he was dead.  
  
"Shinji..." was all Rei could say as she knew that something was terribly wrong with him. She followed him at a distance because she just had a bad feeling about it. She couldn't explain what it was.  
  
Shinji had walked into the men's bathroom with his still forlorn look he had on his face.  
  
"I don't deserve this. All these terrible things happening are my burden. If they could only make a replacement for me...what am I saying. They would never do that. As long as I'm alive they'll never let me rest. I'm all that this world has."  
  
Shinji looked up at himself in the mirror. He used to enjoy just staring in his own eyes trying to understand what he was thinking. What he could look forward to. The only person he could depend on.  
  
This time when he looked in the mirror he saw someone else. This person was weak and not the one that should be called the protector of mankind. He hated it. Everyone was relying on this person. Relying on him.  
  
He had begun to hate himself. He didn't want his pathetic self to be such an important figure in everyone's dependant lives anymore.  
  
Enraged by himself and his thought he punched his image in the mirror, breaking the glass.  
  
Rei heard this and of course like anyone else would be, she was worried. She walked over slowly to the door to get into a better position to listen.  
  
Shinji was now looking at his bloody hand. =It almost feels good. =  
  
Shinji's face then had a small grin on it. "How far can I push it until it's too much."  
  
"Why even worry? If I'm gone they can just get the next pilot here faster to fix what's broken"  
  
Shinji picked up a broken piece of glass and stared at it for a moment. He ran the glass down his wrist to his forearm. Tilted his head back from the pain with his eye's closed. When he then started to feel no more pain he opened his eyes. "Unfamiliar ceiling." Shinji then started to laugh hysterically like he was talking about every good time he had ever had in his life.  
  
Rei heard him and pushed open the door enough to look in. When she saw large amounts of blood by his feet she fully opened the door. "SHINJI!" She shouted as she ran to him. Shinji had just started to fall when he heard Rei's voice.  
  
Rei was on the floor by Shinji holding his arm in the tightest grip that he had ever felt in his life. She was trying to stop the profound bleeding, even though it looked like she could do nothing.  
  
Shinji looked into Rei's beautiful crimson eyes and said quietly. Just loud enough to be heard over her tears, "I'm sorry Rei...Goodbye" as he felt himself become numb and lifeless.  
  
A/N: Asuka and Rei are going to have big parts together in the next chapter. Please review now. And all I can say about Shinji is... to be continued... 


	10. trust or treachery

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters.  
  
&  
  
The disclaimer from last chapter applies because the problems linger into this one too. Of course.  
  
A/N: this chapter should only really get to you if you sit and think about it. Some parts have a look into some of the problems the characters have that make them seem darker than they really are. I don't know how else to put it really. And if you don't wanna feel depressed then just think happy thoughts. Now read on peoples.  
  
---------  
  
Chapter 10: trust or treachery  
  
Toji was about to call a taxi, but just remembered he had forgotten his hat that his sister had picked out for him. He wasn't about to forget that at school. "Where the hell did I leave that thing?"  
  
++  
  
Rei held on to Shinji with desperation. She couldn't believe that this could be the end of his life.  
  
"Shinji, you told me to never say goodbye. Please Shinji..." Shinji's body was cold to the touch now. Rei just closed her hands around his deep incision on his arm and cried, not knowing what else to do.  
  
Toji walked in not expecting anything of what he saw. First thing that he noticed was Rei was in the men's restroom. "Hey Rei what the hell are you... oh my god... I'll get help!" Toji then ran out screaming for the nurse and telling people to get an ambulance.  
  
Rei sat and waited, occasionally saying Shinji's name in between her sobs in an effort to get him to say something in return. If it wasn't for her iron grip on him he would have surely been dead already. "Help is coming Shinji. Help is coming."  
  
Toji was at the head of the pack of people and medical staff that ran in the room. They swarmed Shinji, and right away and were able to see what happened. Rei still held on to him while they were putting him on a stretcher. A medical person looked at Rei and said, "miss, you have to let go now. You've slowed the bleeding enough." Rei still stared at Shinji as she released his arm and watched the paramedic start his treatment.  
  
Rei followed staying as close to Shinji as possible while they were wheeling him out. Toji and the rest of the student body that were there, followed along as well to see what was happening. The paramedic said, "Only one person can ride along with him."  
  
"I will go with him." Rei said to the paramedic as she got in the back of the ambulance. She hadn't taken her eyes of Shinji the whole time. She wanted a sign of life to return. She desperately needed him to live, without him she would be incomplete again.  
  
The paramedics had stabilized Shinji fairly quickly, thanks to Rei's efforts. The paramedic asked Rei what the boy's name was. "Shinji Ikari," she said, still not taking her eyes off Shinji.  
  
The paramedic looked surprised when she said his name, he mumbled under his breath, "the third huh?"  
  
Rei could only feel uneasy as the paramedic leaned over to the driver and whispered something into his ear. Promptly they changed direction and were now headed in the general direction of NERV. She gently placed her hand over his as they sped towards their destination.  
  
+++++Inside the recovery room+++++  
  
Rei was not permitted to stay with Shinji when he was being operated on and checked over. She was told that he would make it, but she always had her doubts when it came to something she cherished.  
  
She sat and waited for him to be transferred into the room. Her fear had closed her off from the outside world completely. She was in the state of mind that she felt safest in, a place where no one could hurt her or command her. In her mind she wasn't even present to the real world.  
  
To someone else, all that could be seen was a young girl in a school uniform, covered in blood. She was holding herself and ever so slightly rocking back and forth in a chair next to the bed they were to put Shinji on. It was a very disturbing sight.  
  
The weight of Shinji's suffering was being felt not only by him, but her too.  
  
=Shinji has defended me against the angels, and the commander. He has made me feel warm, and even...smile. The injuries caused by the commander to me had visibly shaken him and I believe that it is at least an indirect result for his attempt to kill himself. I do not feel complete without him. I am sorry for what I have let him see of me. All I have done to him is hurt him...I do not know what to do anymore.=  
  
Rei then began to come out of her daze she was in. She had to unclench her fist because she was griping her blouse so tight that her hands were now sore. She was also grinding her teeth, which made her jaw sore as well. She could now believe her thoughts of being incomplete without Shinji was so right.  
  
Before Rei could acknowledge her surroundings she heard voices talking. Slowly coming back to reality she saw Asuka and Misato standing at the door staring at her with a frightened and confused look on their faces.  
  
Rei's only response to them was a stare that was seemingly going through them.  
  
"You look like you need some rest Rei. Maybe I should take you home for a bit so you can at least change." Misato said with as much compassion as she could. She knew that Rei was almost as close to her breaking point as Shinji was. Asuka on the other hand was not one to show compassion.  
  
"What the hell's wrong with you wonder girl. Stop worrying about Shinji. He did this to himself. You should have let that baka do what he wanted, he would have been better off."  
  
Misato looked at Asuka like that was the worst thing she had ever heard anyone say. Misato would never imagine anyone to say something like that as if it were a casual conversation.  
  
Asuka's comment certainly got Rei's attention. She looked at her with such hate Asuka had to look away from her. Misato pushed Asuka out of the room and closed the door quickly. Turning back around she saw that Rei had fallen to her knees. She was staring at the floor as put her arms around herself again. Misato walked closer to her and knelt next to her.  
  
Misato was never good at saying the right things to cheer people up. She was afraid that she would always make matters worse, so most of the time she tried to stay out of other people's emotional affairs. This time she didn't think that it could get much worse.  
  
"Rei listen..."  
  
Rei interrupted Misato.  
  
"I wished to help Shinji. I have saved him, have I not?" Rei looked desperately at Misato now.  
  
"Of course you did Rei. If it weren't for you Shinji would have been... I'm just glad that he's ok. And you have to realize that what you did was the greatest thing anyone could do for someone."  
  
"Is what pilot Soryu said true though? I should have let him be? Is it not what he wanted?"  
  
"Listen Rei. What Asuka said was wrong in everyway. Don't listen to her. And Shinji doesn't know what's best for him. If he did he wouldn't have done what he did. You know what I'm saying?"  
  
Rei looked as if she wasn't listening. She wanted to answer her own questions before she even thought of Misato's.  
  
"I do not want Shinji to die. I would die protecting him, even if it is from himself."  
  
Misato knew that Rei couldn't possible be left alone. They were going to keep Shinji under some form of observation, but there was no way that they would do the same for Rei. She wouldn't let herself be away from Shinji for long though.  
  
Misato's cell phone rang just then. "I'll be right back Rei. I need to take this. You wait right here." She said as she was practically picking Rei up to put her in the chair.  
  
Rei simply accepted Misato's help with her blank stare still on her face. She sat, still holding herself, again with a slight rock back and forth. "What causes such pain and misery?"  
  
++  
  
After thirty minutes on the phone, Misato went back in to talk to Rei about what she believed was good news. It was as if the commander was reading her thoughts and called to make it and order.  
  
Misato's smile left her face when she saw that Rei hadn't moved a muscle from the last time. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. But now it was an order from the top, she couldn't back down now.  
  
"Good news Rei. You and Shinji are gonna be moving in with me. They want someone to keep Shinji under watch for a while and I don't think you could stand to be away from him for long."  
  
"...Is this true?"  
  
"Yeah Rei. As soon as Shinji is able to leave there gonna drop him of at my place. His things are already being moved there. Yours too."  
  
"Understood." Rei said with relief. She felt better that she was being accepted for whatever the reason. Being alone was never something she liked. Even if she didn't think that living with others would be easy, it would be beneficial.  
  
"Ok then. How bout now I take you home so you can shower at least."  
  
"Is that an order?"  
  
"Of course not Rei. But I really wish that you would come home. As soon as they can they'll bring Shinji."  
  
"Then I wish to wait here for Shinji"  
  
"Then it's an order." Misato said with a smile on her face.  
  
"Very well." Rei said as she got up and walked to the door. Misato followed her not knowing if joking with Rei was the best thing to do under the current circumstances. But at lest she got her to do what she wanted her to do.  
  
+++++In Misato's car+++++  
  
"You know Rei, you really have to lighten up. Everything is gonna be fine. And now you have me to talk to."  
  
"What shall I speak with you about?"  
  
"Uhh... anything you need advice on or stuff like that. And don't be afraid of expressing your emotions a bit here and there."  
  
"I do not know how. And I am not yet familiar..." Rei stopped in mid sentence because she realized that she was talking too much with Misato. She did not know her very well and didn't know if the information that she gave her would be used as information for the commander.  
  
"Come one Rei. At least tell me how you feel right now."  
  
"I feel that this is an unnecessary conversation." She said as she turned her head to stare out the window.  
  
The rest of the ride was hindered by an uncomfortable silence. Misato wasn't mad that Rei couldn't trust her. She knew that she didn't trust many people if any at all. Rei would take time to get to know personally. She just hoped that it would happen before anything unfortunate was to happen.  
  
+++++NERV's hospital wing+++++  
  
In the recovery room laid Shinji. He was just coming back into consciousness. "I hate this ceiling," was all he could say, trying to remember why he was there.  
  
He looked at his arm and studied all the stitches he had received. He noticed that he had large bruises on his arm in the shape of fingers around his cuts. "Rei..."  
  
The door slowly opened and a nurse looked at Shinji with surprise as she spoke to him. "Oh Mr. Ikari, I was supposed to tell you once you were awake that you have a change of residence effective as soon as your able to be checked out."  
  
"Where am I living then?"  
  
"Captain Katsuragi's residence. You should be able to leave within the hour. Good day Mr. Ikari." The nurse said as she picked up a clipboard and left.  
  
"Now they're gonna keep an eye one me. At last someone other than Rei will notice what I do now," Shinji laughed to himself. He then felt depressed realizing he would not be living as close to Rei as he had been. The one person he actually cared for. =I need to see Rei, and apologize to her as soon as possible. She didn't deserve to see me like that.=  
  
Shinji stood up, felt light headed and sat down again. "I might have to talk to her tomorrow. I need some more rest."  
  
He got up slowly this time and walked over to the door to see two NERV security guards waiting for him.  
  
"This way Shinji Ikari."  
  
+++++Misato's apartment+++++  
  
"Ok Rei, since Asuka doesn't want to share a room with anyone your gonna be bunking with Shinji. And before you get any ideas there are twin beds and an extendable screen separating the room in half. Oh and by the way all yours and his stuff are already in the room. Any objections?"  
  
"I find it suitable."  
  
"Good. I'll need you to help me keep an eye on Shinji since Asuka won't. Plus he's more comfortable with you than anyone I know. He's gonna need people to fall back on and we're all he's got. Any questions?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Ok then go take a shower and then I'll have Asuka come out of her room so you and I can tell her what's up."  
  
"That will not be necessary. Pilot Soryu need only hear the information from you. I do not wish to make her company." Rei said as she walked to the bathroom.  
  
Misato sat down on the couch looking worried. She forgot that Asuka had said cruel things to Rei about Shinji. She then realized that she was solely responsible for these three kids. The Eva pilots that all had scars from their past lives. Forgotten memories that would only drive them insane if they were to resurface at the wrong time. Misato was in way over her head.  
  
"I can't keep this mask on forever." Misato was on the verge of tears but held them back, letting herself show her happiness and energy to the world. She wasn't about to show the kids her true feelings unless there was no way of stopping them. They had enough problems of their own.  
  
Walking to the kitchen, Misato sought out what dulled her pain if only for a little while. A beer every now and then couldn't hurt, she thought. But every now and then came up more times than she had ever gone to sleep sober. Her solutions to all of life's problems.  
  
If only she could fill the void in her life and lose her fear of being alone. All the people in the house, no matter how complicated it got, made her feel a little better. At least she wasn't alone, she thought.  
  
The sound of an opening door quickly brought her out of her thoughts.  
  
Rei didn't even look at Misato as she went into her new room. Misato could only sigh as she came back to sit in the living room with a few beer cans in hand. "What have I gotten myself into," she said as she slowly began to doze off. She knew that when Shinji got there, him ringing the doorbell would wake her.  
  
++  
  
Rei dressed and sat on one of the twin beds in the room. She looked around her room and saw that both her and Shinji's belongings combined didn't fill up one eighth of the room. All there was was their clothes and some school supplies. One thing stood out from everything, and that was Shinji's SDAT player. Shinji told Rei that she could use it whenever she wanted to, so she put it on and sat on the floor next to her bed facing away from the door.  
  
Rei felt her face for a moment where she had been given stitches above her left eye. She felt anger rise up inside her. She would never forgive the commander for what he did.  
  
Rei knew that if it had only affected her she would have not even been angry about what the commander did. But when she remembered looking into Shinji's eyes when she returned in this condition she saw that he was confused and angry. Shinji did not know how to deal with his emotions very well, especially ones concerning his father and Rei.  
  
Rei realized one thing about the commander now that she hadn't seen before. He was a man that would do anything to get what he wanted, no matter who it hurt. Everyone else saw this in him, but Rei, had realized it.  
  
"It is his fault Shinji had done that to himself."  
  
Rei then brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The day's events had physically and mentally drained her, she couldn't wait up for Shinji liked she wanted to. She then fell asleep on the floor sitting against her bed.  
  
++  
  
"Here we are." One of the NERV personal said to Shinji as they pulled up to Misato's apartment.  
  
"What number is her apartment?" Shinji asked as if he wasn't interested.  
  
"I have to walk you up. Just to make sure you'll be ok."  
  
"Ok," Shinji said but knew that he wasn't trusted to be alone anymore. =Looks like I'll have to get used to this.= In the back of Shinji's mind he was glad that so many people were making a fuss over him. For once he was the center of attention, but he would never admit this to anyone, even himself.  
  
Shinji just followed the NERV person up the stairs and down the hall to Misato's apartment where he rang the bell.  
  
A half awake Misato opened the door, "nice to see you again Shinji, thanks for bringing him private." The man saluted the captain and left without saying a word.  
  
"Well come in Shinji, this is your new home after all."  
  
Shinji stepped in and looked around a bit. "Home..."  
  
Misato walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. Shinji had followed and sat across from her.  
  
"I know that you know people are gonna be keeping a close eye on you now. But I want you to know that I wasn't ordered to take you in Shinji. I wanted to. I know it can be hard sometimes but you have to hang in there." Misato said as she was opening another beer.  
  
Shinji was surprised that the second person to ever give him words of encouragement would be Misato of all people.  
  
"Since it's late and all of your room mates can't give you a proper welcome cause they're sleeping, maybe you should take a shower, then hit hay. And don't worry about school for a while; in fact, don't worry about anything. Once your settled in we'll throw a party in honor of my new roommates."  
  
Shinji didn't misjudged Misato. She was the fun and caring person he thought she was. He was glad that he would be around more people and have a chance to make some new friends. Shinji then gave a faint smile to Misato.  
  
"Miss Misato is it alright if I call Rei. I know it's too late to go see her, but I can at least call her. She saved me..."  
  
"Oh damn," Misato said as she hit herself in the forehead, "I can't believe I forgot to tell you. Rei is waiting for you in your room. I don't know if she's awake or not but I had to force her to leave the hospital."  
  
"What? Really?"  
  
"Really. She's one of your other new roommates. I certainly couldn't have you here without her." Misato said with a wink. "Why don't you go take a shower then go and talk to her."  
  
"Umm...yeah, ok," Shinji said as he started walking down the hall.  
  
"Oh and Shinji, be good ok?"  
  
"I, uhh..."  
  
"Just go," Misato said teasing him. A sigh of relief escaped her as she remembered the look on Shinji's face when she mentioned Rei being here.  
  
Misato finished her last beer in one big gulp and sat looking at the door to her room. Her mood had clearly changed to almost disgust in herself. =I don't think they would forgive me if they knew the truth of being here. Damn commander. Can't he do anything without being so manipulative?=  
  
"I'm just as bad."  
  
Misato was walking back to her room when her phone rang. "Now that's a late call."  
  
"Hello"  
  
"Hey Misato"  
  
"Oh hi Ritsuko. What's up?"  
  
"I needed to tell you that Rei has a synch test with unit 01 tomorrow morning"  
  
"What? With unit 01"  
  
"Yeah. She'll be replacing Shinji for a while till we can make sure he's mentally stable enough to pilot without hurting himself or others."  
  
"Ok then. What time."  
  
"Ten thirty. See you then."  
  
"Ok bye."  
  
Misato decided to tell Rei tomorrow about it.  
  
Misato walked to her room and shut the door behind her. A glow from a desk lamp crept under her door as the sounds of indiscriminate typing began.  
  
++  
  
Asuka was lying in her bed not wanting to hear what Shinji and Rei were going to talk about after Shinji got out of the shower. Something about their relationship made her mad. From the way they talked to the way they acted make her fume.  
  
"Meinn Gott, I won't be able to put up with those bakas problems. Why the hell did Misato want to take that two wonder kids in?"  
  
Asuka got up and walked over to the door. She looked down the hall and saw that Misato still had her light on. =Might as well see what she's up too. I can't sleep thinking about what's gonna be going on in there.=  
  
As Asuka got closer she could hear Misato typing rather loudly. Being the sneaky person she was she started to creep quietly up to her door. She eased it open and saw that Misato was very focused on her work. Maybe Asuka could use some of the information for her benefit in the future.  
  
Asuka walked right up behind Misato and peered over her shoulder. She read the top lines: ---  
  
SUBJECTS: Ayanami Rei, Soryu Langley Asuka, and Ikari Shinji Observational study of reactions between themselves and others while classified with mental instability and prolonged stress.  
  
---  
  
Asuka was furious at what she saw. She already trusted no one but this just made matters worse. She felt betrayed.  
  
Balling up her fist and speaking with hate in her voice she said, "who the hell do you think you are Misato?"  
  
Misato froze for a moment. She wished she had just imagined what she heard but knew it was Asuka behind her. When she turned she saw the angry German girl ready to fight if the wrong thing was said.  
  
Misato had a serious look on her face that Asuka knew would give her some form of truth.  
  
"I had to Asuka. It was an order that I couldn't disobey. I wish there was more to it than that. I've lied to all of you kids. I'm sorry but it's my job."  
  
"THAT"S the best excuse you can come up with?!  
  
"Go to bed Asuka. Tomorrow I'll tell you, Rei, and Shinji everything I know. I want to be on your side you know. After seeing what you just saw I know that's hard to swallow but from now on I'm offering you the truth."  
  
Asuka had heard enough. "Forget it! I don't trust you! Stay the fuck away from me," she said as she stormed off to her room.  
  
Misato sat in her room think of what she could do. She could play dumb and just make it like Asuka never saw anything or she could try and get that bastard Gendo back for what he was doing to the kids.  
  
Misato's decision was easy to make.  
  
"Looks like I'm in for a big talk with the kids tomorrow. The commander isn't gonna get away with this. And he's not gonna find out that I was discovered either."  
  
Misato then walked to the kitchen for a beer. She planned to make up false reports that favored Gendo's plan. She just needed to get Ritsuko on the boat too so she would be able to pull it off without a hitch. "Damn it. I'm in wayyyy to deep now."  
  
She had to decide on how to tell the kids in a delicate way, that all of this was part of Gendo's sick scenario. She feared what she didn't know about NERV, cause that was where the mistakes would be made. That's where she needed to be careful.  
  
++  
  
Shinji stepped into his room ignoring Asuka's shouting and let his eyes adjust to the darkness. As he scanned the room and didn't see Rei right away, he felt fear rise up in him. As Shinji staggered forward to the bed he saw Rei asleep on the floor.  
  
As if she could feel his presence, Rei awoke to Shinji staring down at her. Shinji's feeling of wanting to see Rei was quickly replaced with the urge to run away. He was ashamed at what he had done. He tried to take the easy way out; it was so selfish of him. Before Shinji drowned himself in sorrow Rei stood up casually and looked deep into Shinji's eyes.  
  
Rei tried hard to analyze the situation. How was Shinji feeling? What could she do to comfort him? She hated having inexperience in life, as some would put it. She went back to all the moments that Shinji and her had shared. She remembered the one thing that Shinji had done to her that made her feel strangely at ease.  
  
Rei walked close to Shinji and wrapped her arms around him putting her chin on his shoulder as she pressed against him. Only wishing to make Shinji feel better with this gesture she was surprised at how inviting it was to her as well.  
  
"I am sorry for everything Shinji." Rei said as if everything was actually her fault.  
  
To say Shinji was vulnerable to anything right now was an understatement. With his arms gently placed around Rei, Shinji silently cried. Letting his tears fall was all the response he could give to Rei for what he knew she was doing for him.  
  
"Shinji, why..." Rei stopped mid question when she saw that Shinji had been crying. She tilted her head slightly as she was trying to figure out whether she should still ask her question.  
  
Shinji smiled because he thought it was cute when she tilted her head like that. "Ask me anything Rei," he had a feeling of what she would be asking him. He couldn't avoid it forever.  
  
"Very well... why did you do this to yourself Shinji?" She said as she gently pulled his bandaged arm up to near eye level, examining it.  
  
"Because...because I was afraid...of life. I was taking the selfish way out. I know... I shouldn't have. It's my fault for being so weak. You shouldn't...have blamed yourself. You're the reason... I know... it was a mistake. Will you ever forgive me?"  
  
Rei stood there looking in Shinji's tear-filled eyes. "With all my heart, Shinji." =Affection, devotion, fondness, infatuation...and something more than this?= she thought. She hugged him again imaging what other feelings she had for Shinji. She wished that she knew what to do and how to act on them. She wished someone would tell her how to. She was lost without a given order.  
  
She then let out a frightening gasp as she quickly stepped away from a now surprised Shinji. She was now wrapping her arms around herself. " I do not know how to feel, Shinji. I do not want to have to be ordered for everything. Yet I am lost without them."  
  
Shinji knew that Rei needed his help as much as he needed hers. "Then what do you want Rei?"  
  
Rei thought for a moment as she was staring at the floor. "To not depend on others for my feelings and actions, and still know that it is right to do as I choose."  
  
"Then do what just 'you' want to do. What makes you feel content is what you should do and know that it will be right as long as you're happy with it. No one has the right to control your emotions, Rei."  
  
Rei felt like Shinji's words had hit the very center of her being. Emotions were not signs of weakness like she had been taught. They were signs of the character that help ease oneself into the harshness of reality.  
  
So for the first time, she willingly let herself do something that she always tried to avoid. She cried, for the first time not holding back the tears. Shinji walked over giving her a well-wanted hug. With Rei's face in his chest crying like there was no tomorrow, Shinji gave off a small smile. He knew that Rei had finally accepted change into herself. She was letting her barriers down and accepting comfort to the lifetime of hardships she had, and will endure.  
  
++  
  
Tomorrow would not come easy. Everyone had their worries now.  
  
Asuka feared that everyone would be against her. However, she wouldn't let anyone close to her, which almost insured people feeling as if they had to be hostile towards her.  
  
Misato feared that no one would understand her. She had built her life around lies she gave herself. Her chance to come clean to everyone would be soon.  
  
Shinji feared of what effects his actions would have on others, in particular, what his father would say when he saw him again.  
  
And finally, Rei feared control, yet she was so dependent on it. What would she do when she sees Gendo again? What will the commander do if she were to directly disobey an order, or even hesitate?  
  
Tomorrow will be the first step into facing their fears.  
  
---------------  
  
A/N: I'd really like some feed back on this chapter peoples. You don't know how much I look forward to your reviews. I love all criticism. Next chapter should be up in a little over a week as usual. 


	11. the time to think

Declaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters  
  
A/N: I'm glad for the reviews. They make me happy. And sorry for the delay with the chapter, but I had a mad case of writers block along with other things I am not allowed to talk about to the public.  
  
---------------------  
  
Chapter 11: the time to think  
  
+++++  
  
Such an emotionally filled night lead to a calm morning. But like all good things, it had to come to an end. Misato was the first person up, unlikely as that is, sitting at the kitchen table opening her first beer of the morning.  
  
Shinji was suddenly awoken by the shout of Misato as she hit her empty beer can on the table. He figured it was about time to get up anyway. There was no point of him sleeping all the time. It would only fill his mind with bad dreams again.  
  
=What the hell would I be doing awake that I couldn't do asleep.= Shinji closed his eyes and tried to sleep.  
  
Misato, now feeling awake, decided that it was time to come clean with the kids. The only way to get them trusting her would to start with her telling the truth. She needed everyone on her side if she was going to get the best of Gendo. Her relationship with the commander hasn't been a good one. But then again no one had a good relationship with him except for that short while when Rei was treated like his own daughter. How fast times could change she thought.  
  
She would wake Asuka up last so she could have time to explain some of the situation to Rei and Shinji before Asuka started her ranting about what she saw last night.  
  
Misato walked in Shinji and Rei's room expecting to catch them sleeping in one bed and was a little disappointed that she didn't. She wanted something to tease them about, which she thought would lighten up the mood a bit.  
  
Shinji opened his eyes when he thought he heard moving. He saw Misato looking at Rei as if she was studying her. "Oh hey Shinji. Did you know that Rei sleeps with headphones on?"  
  
"Yeah well...those are mine. But I told her she can use them whenever she wanted."  
  
Misato had the biggest smile on her face. "That's so sweet of you to let your girlfriend use them. At least I didn't find the two of you in the same bed sharing something else."  
  
"Wha?! Misato I...what...I...gee."  
  
"Hehe. It's felt like I've known you for years Shinji. What would I do without you?" she said as she walked over to Rei and gave her a gentle shake.  
  
Rei woke up with a surprised look on her face, as if she didn't know where she was for a moment. Then averting to her normal face once she realized that her new residence was here.  
  
"Good morning captain," She said as she was taking her earphones off.  
  
"Hi Rei. I have to talk to everyone about something kinda important. After you gather your bearings meet me in the kitchen okay," Misato said, walking out the room.  
  
Misato was sitting at the table thinking about how much those two have been through. She was afraid to act different around them because she thought that they would pick up on it and resent her for it. No matter how much she would joke around with them, she really cared for them as if they were her own kids, even though she was just beginning to know them. They need a parent figure in their life after all. She hoped she could fill such a big role.  
  
Just then Shinji walked in with Rei right behind him. They both sat down without saying a word. Misato felt a little intimidated with both of them for a moment, then shook it off.  
  
"Ok, here's the story. I was ordered to have you two live with me to keep a record of all your interactions with everyone and everything. It's really important to Commander Ikari. But I know that he's up to something and well... with everything he's put you both through, I know it's not right."  
  
Misato sat there not knowing what else she was supposed to say. She knew that she had to come up with a plan but first she wonder what Rei and Shinji thought about the situation. The silence was tense to say the least.  
  
Even surprising herself, Rei broke the silence. "Then what is it that we are to do?"  
  
"Right now I'm not sure. One thing I know is I have to get Ritsuko on our side. She knows NERV like the back of her hand. And she'll know what Gendo's up to."  
  
"Doctor Akagi?" Rei said in an uneasy tone. She looked like she was concentrating one her words.  
  
Shinji didn't know anything about the situation, but he knew that something about doctor Akagi made Rei feel uncomfortable.  
  
Misato also caught on to Rei's dilemma. "What do you know about Ritsuko that I don't?"  
  
Rei looked at Misato for a moment then said, "nothing that is of concern right now. Please excuse me." She walked back into her room with Misato and Shinji staring at her.  
  
Misato now focused on Shinji. "Well it looks like if she's gonna spill her guts, its gonna be to you and not me. And definitely not Asuka."  
  
Shinji could only nod in agreement with her. He knew that she was right, and besides, he wanted to be the one that Rei could find comfort in.  
  
"Oh and can you tell her that she has a sync test today. I might as well give you something to start the conversation with."  
  
Before Shinji could respond Asuka came out of almost nowhere and sat down where Rei had been sitting. Ignoring Shinji completely she said to Misato, "you had a whole night to think about what your gonna say. So what way you gonna tell us you're a spy. I bet you this baka here doesn't even know what's going on."  
  
"Don't worry about it anymore Asuka. I'm not a spy, and I'm going to help you three get out of the mess that Gendo got you in."  
  
"What the hell you talking about. I've never even met the guy. Why the hell would I be in a mess because of him?"  
  
"Trust me Asuka, we're all in way over our head. He's planning something, and using us all to get it."  
  
"urrrrgh. How can you just sit here and take this baka," She said as she pushed Shinji nearly out of his chair. She then walked into the living room and turned on the TV.  
  
"soo..." Misato stopped as her cell phone rang in the other room. "One sec."  
  
She closed her door because she new that most calls were a direct command from NERV. And on some of those rare occasions it was from the commander.  
  
"Hello. Yes sir, she's scheduled for her sync test with unit 01. Yes sir. But commander? He just got out of the hospital yesterday. Don't you think that his mental con... Yes sir... I'll inform him."  
  
Misato was confused at the last comment she heard. The commander said that he would not be present during the test and she was supposed to inform Shinji of that fact.  
  
The commander had just scheduled a synch test for Shinji today right before Rei was to take hers. He wanted the information on that test very much.  
  
=As long as the commander and Shinji wont be in the same place at the same time, I guess that's ok.=  
  
An aggravated sigh escaped her as she walked back to the kitchen to break the news to Shinji.  
  
Shinji was looking eagerly at her because he still didn't have a firm grasp of what was happening and he wanted all the information he could get. "Ok Shinji, there's a change of plans. You have a synch test today too. Its no big deal but you still can't pass it up. Ok?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"Ok its settled. Go get your girl and we'll be off."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Hehe"  
  
"Sheesh Misato."  
  
With Shinji turning a good shade of red, he left the table with Misato giggling at him.  
  
=He's such a good kid. I can't believe that yesterday he tried to kill himself and today it seems like nothing is wrong with him. That's probably just his was of dealing with problems. Ignoring it till it goes away. I hope he knows that's not the right way. But it does seem like it's the easiest. Doesn't it.=  
  
++  
  
When Shinji got to his room he saw Rei sitting on her bed looking out the window. Even though there was nothing to look at from that window but sky, it didn't matter to her.  
  
"Hey Rei, we both have a synch test today. Maybe...we should get ready?"  
  
"Very well Shinji," Rei said but didn't move from her position.  
  
"What's wrong Rei?"  
  
"Why is it that we must consult doctor Akagi with captain Katsuragi's plan?"  
  
"Well... Misato said that she could help us. And that She knew everything there was to know about NERV."  
  
"We must be cautious when we approach her. I think I must warn captain Katsuragi in the near future." Rei walked over to the closet picked out a school uniform and went o take a shower.  
  
Rei didn't want to tell anyone about the relationship between Dr. Akagi and the commander, but she still wanted to help get out of all the mess she was in, to get away form Gendo and NERV all together. Her first step in making this dream a reality would be by telling Misato what she knew. Rei had always been on the inside track too in a way. She was never directly told what was happening but she heard a lot of it. She was always around the commander as long as she could remember and she picked up a few of NERV's secrets as well.  
  
Every time that she was floating in a tube of LCL testing out data on what she overheard as the 'dummy plug system' the commander and doctor Akagi would talk about the deepest darkest secrets of the organization. They never asked if she could even hear out the glass or maybe they didn't mind that she could. It was possible that they never expected Rei to help plot against them one day.  
  
++  
  
Shinji got dressed not wanting to take a shower because he would just get the LCL smell on him right away. Asuka sat watching TV staying out of their business because she knew that they would come crawling to her for help later, which she couldn't wait for. Plus she was expecting a visit from Kaji and couldn't wait for everyone to get out and leave her alone with him.  
  
Misato took the time to finish up her last beer and get on her jacket and id. Shinji was ready by then sitting at the table drinking a glass of water. "You got ready pretty quick Shinji, cant wait for that test huh?"  
  
Shinji gave Misato a look like she crossed a line she shouldn't have. Misato saw his face go from casual to near tears of anger most likely. "To far huh? I'm sorry Shinji. Sometimes I can get a bit carried away. I know how you feel. Really. Just ignore me, but not to much now okay."  
  
She patted him on the shoulder and then walked down the hall to get Rei. Tapping on the door she said, "Come on Rei. We don't wanna be late." Rei open the door and looked at her decisively.  
  
"I am prepared captain."  
  
"Rei when we're not at NERV call me Misato please."  
  
"Very well." She walked to her bedroom to get her NERV card.  
  
Misato went in the living room to tell Asuka that they would be gone for a couple hours and she would get some take out food when they got back. Asuka complained about how no one knew how to cook and she was tired of take out food.  
  
Shinji heard her loud voice from the kitchen and thought that he could get on her good side if he were to cook something. He enjoyed it anyway. It helped him keep his mind in one place.  
  
"Come on, come on, we gotta get going." Misato shouted from the front door.  
  
Rei walked passed Misato followed by Shinji. "See ya Asuka, don't wait up for us incase it takes longer than expected."  
  
Asuka mumbled to herself as Misato closed the door. Now she had the house to herself and time to prepare for Kaji. But still. She didn't like being alone for to long. She kept herself busy thinking of what her and Kaji would do when they went out. Sadly to say Asuka just expected him to come like he said he might. By now he had already made plans to be somewhere else.  
  
+++++In the car+++++  
  
Rei and Shinji were sitting in the back seat tightly buckled in. "you know you two don't always have to sit in the back. It makes me feel like I'm your chauffer.  
  
Rei looked at her and Shinji gave a little chuckle as he rubbed the back of his head.  
  
Rei then took advantage of the silence once again and thought now would be the best time to inform Misato about Ritsuko. "Excuse me Capt...Misato. About asking information from doctor Akagi, I strongly suggest that you reconsider."  
  
"I trust you Rei, but I also trust Ritsuko."  
  
"Do you know that everything she tells you is the truth? Or would not hide details from you if you would ask for them?"  
  
Misato was silent because she knew that Ritsuko had some secrets about NERV that she never told anyone. Even when the two of them were alone. Rei had a point. "Rei you have to tell me what you know. But after we get home okay. You're gonna spill it all. I'm trusting that you'll tell us what we need to know. Then I'll know how to get to Ritsuko."  
  
"That is acceptable captain."  
  
"Rei please remember to call me Misato."  
  
"We have entered NERV ground captain."  
  
"...Oh."  
  
Shinji couldn't help but laugh at how Rei and Misato interacted. No matter how serious their conversation was. They're worlds apart in the personality sense.  
  
++  
  
"Ok well these test shouldn't be too long. Hopefully I can treat you two to lunch instead of dinner. Buh bye"  
  
Misato went to the control room so she could talk to Ritsuko a bit and try and drop some hints of turning against Gendo to see how she would react. Rei and Shinji went to go get into their plug suits.  
  
Shinji was in his suit sitting on a bench scratching at his wrist a bit because of his stitches. He could see Rei's silhouette through a curtain. She was finishing putting on her suit.  
  
"Hey Rei. How you feeling?"  
  
Rei was unsure as to how she should answer. She sensed something in Shinji's voice that she had never heard before from him. It was fear mixed with compassion, boredom, and fatigue all in one. Perhaps if she told him that everything was well he would feel relieved. She didn't want to lie to him though.  
  
"I feel...that the timing of this test is not considerate to our current conditions."  
  
"Thanks Rei. You're not the only one that feels that way." Shinji was making his hand into a fist and then relaxing it. It was something he did when anything that was really bugging him.  
  
"Rei...why are you still here. Caught up in all of this."  
  
She remembered the words that Gendo told her threatening her and Shinji's well being if she were to disobey in any way.  
  
"I am here now because of you Shinji." She said as a matter of fact.  
  
It then hit Shinji like a ton of bricks. His father had said to Rei what he said to him. That hurting the other would be the punishment for mistakes.  
  
"Damn it!" Shinji said as he hit his fist on the bench.  
  
Rei pushed the curtain aside and went to sit down by Shinji. She didn't know why he was angry now. But she felt that she needed to help him express his anger in a non-destructive way this time.  
  
"Shinji? What..."  
  
Shinji cut her off.  
  
"Promise me something Rei. If I'm the reason that you're here and that's the only reason, I need you to promise me something Rei."  
  
"What Shinji?"  
  
"Promise that if something were to happen to me...if I were to be killed in battle or anything like that...promise me you'll leave this hell. You'll get away no matter what it takes..."  
  
"Please Shinji. I do not want anything to happen to you. I would not know what to do if you were not with me. I..."  
  
Shinji interrupted Rei again.  
  
"Rei please. Leave if you get the chance, and forget about this damn place and everything it's done. Please Rei."  
  
Rei knew that Shinji was right. If 'god forbid' something were to happen she had to find a way to move on. In their line of work the chances something like this would happen is pretty high. No matter how much she thought about it she couldn't figure out a way too move on. She just hoped she would never have to decide. She would put up with all the control of Gendo and the policies of NERV just to stay in the same place with Shinji.  
  
"I...promise...I will try."  
  
+++  
  
Rei was allowed to wait in the control room for her test, so she could observe as well. All the technicians were busy configuring and adjusting unit 01. Through all the activities in that room Misato along with Rei seemed to be doing nothing but standing there. Both were staring at unit 01 thinking of what was to come.  
  
Misato tried to think of what she could tell Ritsuko. She came to the conclusion that she wouldn't do anything until she heard what Rei had to say.  
  
Rei was becoming more and more worried about Shinji. Shinji was falling into depression and Rei didn't know how bad she was. So she would just try to focus on Shinji. The test was about to begin.  
  
Ritsuko made some final adjustments and then opened a COM link to Shinji. "How you feeling Shinji. Any abnormalities."  
  
"It's a little cold."  
  
"Ok will try and work on that. Anything else different?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Ok where gonna start the test now. Just try to concentrate."  
  
As the test began Shinji started to feel cold again, more so than before.  
  
"Synch ratio at twenty five percent and steadily rising."  
  
Everyone in the control room was surprised that he could even get the Eva to start, let alone have high enough synch to operate. Even though it was at a minimum. Suddenly the temperature dropped significantly and Shinji pulled his limbs close to himself to try and keep warm.  
  
Unit 01 went threw a few spasms but didn't break from the restrains. Shinji felt a pain in his mind as if something was probing it.  
  
"What's going on Ritsuko?!" Misato shouted  
  
Rei pressed her hands against the safety glass with a concern on Shinji. She was relieved to see that unit 01 had stopped moving and Shinji response to Ritsuko's voice now.  
  
"I...I...I'm ok now. C...can I please get out now."  
  
"Open the entry plug!" Misato ordered.  
  
The ice cold LCL was ejected from the entry plug and Shinji stumbled out and fell on his knees. Rei was already down there waiting for him.  
  
She helped him up and was startled by how cold Shinji was to the touch. The LCL was about forty degrees and Shinji seemed like he was suffering from hypothermia.  
  
Before Shinji or Rei could say anything, medics were already examining him.  
  
With Shinji wrapped in a heated blanket he had a relaxing smile on his face. Even though he was shivering. Ritsuko was down now to check on Shinji and hopefully get some questions answered.  
  
"Shinji what happened in there."  
  
"it got really r...really cold. Th...Then something weird happened. It felt almost like...someone was in my mind. It was someone familiar but it still hurt when they were there."  
  
"Hmm." Ritsuko hadn't expected something like this to happen so early Shinji's exposure to the Eva. It appears that it's trying to form a bond with him, or reach out in a way. =At least this pilot is still here. He didn't disappear on us.=  
  
Misato knew that something was on Ritsuko's mind. She was watching her to try and get a feel of what she would have to face pretty soon. She hoped that her fears were wrong when it came to her.  
  
"Shinji let's get you up to the control room and some more blankets on you. Ok?"  
  
"Sh...sure Misato."  
  
++  
  
Seeing as how Shinji was ok, everyone let out a sigh of relief. Now it was time to ready unit 01 for Rei and her test.  
  
"We'll get to work on configuring unit 01 to Rei now." Ritsuko said as she went back to the controls.  
  
Shinji perked up right away when he heard Rei was going into unit 01. "Why's Rei syncing with unit 01."  
  
Ritsuko felt uncomfortable now. No one had told him that Rei would be substituting as pilot for him until he was deemed mentally stable again. She hated to give the bad news but she was always seemed the one that had it. Sometimes she hated knowing all the finer details of NERV.  
  
"well Shinji. Rei's going to be piloting unit 01 until you recover. Her unit 00 is still being repaired and until you or unit 00 are ready, she's unit 01's new pilot."  
  
Shinji didn't have anything to say to that. He knew that it was logical but he still didn't like the fact that Rei would be putting herself in danger and he wouldn't be able to protect her. All he could do was hope that an angels didn't attack until he was back in unit 01.  
  
Unit 01 had made a sort of bond with Shinji while he was in there. He was just starting to remember what it said to him  
  
++  
  
Configurations were complete and Rei was in unit 01's entry plug waiting for startup. "All systems normal." Rei said as she began to sync with unit 01.  
  
Rei was coming in at seventy five percent, which was expected. She had been in unit 01 before and synced. Being the first child, she was the most versatile pilot. Able to keep an average in all the Eva's  
  
Rei's concentration was broke when she heard a faint noise in her mind. A sound that could only be described as feedback. Ritsuko noticed a diminutive change in Rei's brain pattern.  
  
"Rei is everything all right?"  
  
"I am having trouble concentration. There is and increasing noise in..." Rei closed her eyes hard, showing signs of pain. She made and inaudible scream then all contact with the pilot was cut.  
  
++  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
Rei was standing on an open plane with a desert landscape. She knew it had to be a dream but something was different about this one. She felt like she wasn't alone. Like she wasn't the only person having this dream.  
  
Her physical body wasn't there. She could see and hear but that was the extent of her senses. She looked down to where her hands and body should be but there was nothing. She was invisible even to herself. Over the horizon she saw a sun rise to noon position. Slowly it began to turn dark. She looked up and there was an eclipse-taking place. She couldn't help but stare at this natural wonder.  
  
Once it was completely dark and only a ring of the suns light was visible. The very center of it grew bright red. The earth began to shake and fiery fissures opened all around her. Black and red where most dominate. With a blinding flash and a deafening noise she began to feel the heat of the ever- growing sun.  
  
Before it became too unbearable she was in total darkness. She had her body back but still couldn't move. She could feel someone standing behind her.  
  
"That is what can be prevented in a sense."  
  
"How can one prevent such natural disasters from occurring?"  
  
"That is just representing what will come to be if certain actions are not taken. But believe me. The events you saw would be a god send compared to what is in stored for humans. It will be almost as difficult to stop as these disasters, yet it is completely possible."  
  
"Where am I," Rei was flooded with questions she wanted to ask but couldn't come up with what she wanted to say. Simply talking to this familiar voice she felt a sense of relief but she was still mystified.  
  
"You are sitting in unit 01's entry plug. And time is standing still in this place of existence compared to that world. We are simply in your mind Rei. Unit 01 allows your mind to free itself."  
  
Now Rei knew what she wanted to ask. "Who are you?"  
  
"That is not important. The question is who are you?"  
  
"I am Rei Ayanami."  
  
"That is your given name. But who are you. How can you define your self? What is your purpose?"  
  
"I do not understand."  
  
"Everyone has a purpose whether it be small or phenomenal."  
  
"Which do I fall under?"  
  
"You are a key factor in the fate of many lives. But one life in particular. Shinji is greatly affected by you, as you know. You're going to have to make a choice Rei. Once everything seems like it's lost and every sense you have left tells you to give up. You must remember that he needs you to fulfill his destiny. Do not every give up Rei, this is my only chance to warn you of how dire the consequences would be if you lost hope."  
  
"Tell me what that means?"  
  
"I'm sorry Rei. Our time is up. I'm glad to have met you at least once...Never give up Rei. We need you."  
  
++  
  
"Rei what kind of noise is it?" Ritsuko asked casually.  
  
Rei felt as if she had just woken up. "Noise?" it took a second to remember what doctor Akagi was asking her about, "the noise has stopped. But I believe I have had a hallucination."  
  
"What kind of hallucination Rei?"  
  
Rei not wanting to reveal anything, she said plainly, "I do not remember."  
  
"That's enough for today Rei. We have all the information we need."  
  
++  
  
"Well that was over with pretty quick, right guys? I'm glad too. Now we can relax a bit." Misato said cheerily from behind the wheel of her speeding car. Looking in the rear-view-mirror she could see that Rei was holding on to Shinji's arm but starting blankly at the seat in front of her. "What's bugging you Rei?"  
  
"I am unsure of what I have experienced in unit 01."  
  
Shinji looked over at her placed his free arm on her shoulder; "you can talk to us about it if you want to Rei."  
  
Rei nodded. Its time to get out of NERV and start what she's only heard about. A normal life was waiting for her. Once all the angels were defeated it would be over. She could now look forward to the end, but still had a sinking feeling in the back of her mind of what her vision said.  
  
+++  
  
"Ha! your back already. I thought it was gonna take long. Kaji hasn't even called me yet... why's everyone look so grim? I'm the one that should be upset. I bet you didn't even bring back anything to eat like you said you would."  
  
"Sorry Asuka I forgot to get something. I'll just order something right now. It'll all give us time to listen to what Rei has to say."  
  
"What's she got to tell us that we don't already know?"  
  
"I have knowledge of NERV from before Shinji and you arrived, as well as information that is not accessible to that of captain Misato."  
  
"Sounds important, Asuka," Shinji said as he clutched one of the heat blankets closer to himself.  
  
Rei went in to the kitchen to sit and wait for everyone.  
  
"Whatever third child, you just think it's important cause it's Rei's information," she pushed him out of her way as she went into the kitchen.  
  
Misato laughed and rustled Shinji's hair. "Come one Shinji, foods on its way. We gotta get her talking before it gets here."  
  
++  
  
It was dead silent. Everyone sat staring at Rei, even Shinji. But he did it because he knew that she was going through a lot just sitting here waiting for people to hear her talk. Not knowing what else to do he took her hand in his under the table and gave it a little squeeze. When she looked at him he nodded and she responded the same.  
  
"Where shall I start?"  
  
"Lets start with the info on Ritsuko and why we have to be cautious around her too."  
  
"I believe that she has a resentment towards me."  
  
"What's she got against you wonder girl?" Asuka said sarcastically.  
  
"That is not the only reason she will not be easy to sway. She has a relationship with the commander. She would most likely chose to side with him as she has been doing throughout her career at NERV."  
  
"Eww gross. Her and the commander? I've heard enough of this." Asuka then got up and left for her room.  
  
Ritsuko sat there looking like she had just walked in on the commander and Ritsuko. Now she really didn't know what to do.  
  
Now it was Shinji's turn to ask a question. "Why do you think that doctor Akagi doesn't like you?" This caught Misato's attention again. Perhaps knowing could somehow help he situation.  
  
"She wanted more...attention from the commander. He was elsewhere when she needed him."  
  
"With you Rei?"  
  
Rei was reluctant to answer the question. She didn't like talking about her and the commander. How they were before, when he was like a father to her.  
  
"...that is correct."  
  
Misato looked like she had a plan. "I can still talk to her. Gendo has obviously changed in this past month dramatically. I'm sure Ritsuko noticed. Maybe I can use that to gain some ground...I need to think some more about this."  
  
Misato knew that once Gendo changed, Rei was pushed away. =Maybe the same thing would happen to Ritsuko, but she wasn't treated badly like Rei was. Poor girl's been through hell cause of him. How many times do I have to remind myself of that? Anyways... I need a beer.=  
  
Misato's cell phone rang, "Damn, this can't be good. Two calls from NERV in one day." She answered and low and behold it was Gendo, ready with another command for her.  
  
The conversation was straight to the point. She only had enough time to say 'yes sir' as he hung up.  
  
Misato had a sad look on her face. "Toji Hikari and Kensuke are on their way over here. Their coming to see how you two are doing."  
  
"How you know they're coming right now Misato?"  
  
"NERV has an eye on Toji. I have some news they want me to break to him."  
  
Right on cue the doorbell rang. Asuka ran to the door hoping it was Kaji come to keep his promise to her. "oh...yes?"  
  
"umm are Rei and Shinji here?"  
  
"Who's asking?"  
  
"I'm Hikari, this is Toji and Kensuke. We came to see how they're doing."  
  
"Wonder girl and that baka are fine. Come on in and see for yourself."  
  
Before they came in Hikari wanted to know this girls name. "I'm sorry I didn't get your name."  
  
"my name's Asuka Langley Soryu. The pleasure is yours of course. Now come on in will you."  
  
"Boy it sure is nice to meet you." Kensuke said sarcastically.  
  
"Watch who your talking to." Asuka said as she grabbed him by his shirt collar.  
  
Hikari laughed and walked in motioning for Toji to do the same.  
  
Asuka released her hold on Kensuke and walked into the living room. The crowd followed her. Misato came in and said hello to everyone. "Rei and Shinji will be out in a sec. There talking about something or other."  
  
"oh umm, maybe we should come back later then. We don't want to interrupt anything." A nervous Hikari said.  
  
"Oh don't be silly, they'll be glad you came to see them." Misato said.  
  
"Umm...hi everyone," Shinji said. He still had a blanket around him and Rei was standing behind him looking like a scared child hiding behind something.  
  
"Isn't it a little hot for a blanket Shinji-man?"  
  
"Something happened during a synch test today. Long story."  
  
Hikari noticed that Rei had a large bruise on her face. She didn't want to draw attention to it but Kensuke went ahead and pointed it out anyway. "Hey Rei what happened to you? I didn't know that you were hurt too."  
  
"I was injured during the last angel battle," but before people could even accept this as an excuse Asuka went and gave her info on the case.  
  
"You know what Rei, I saw you when the battle was over and you were perfectly fine. So it had to of happened after we got back on land. What are you hiding?"  
  
Everyone was staring at Rei. She hated when many people paid attention to her. "I think I shall take a shower now. Excuse me."  
  
"Ah fine then. Don't tell us." Asuka sat down and the couch by Hikari as Misato came up to Shinji. "Hey Shinji, what really happened to her. I never even thought to ask about it."  
  
"I really don't wanna talk about it."  
  
"Cause you probably did it to her didn't you." Asuka harshly said.  
  
"Asuka! You know Shinji would never do that. Especially to Rei of all people." Misato wanted to defend Shinji cause she knew that he would just take it and let it build up inside.  
  
"Well then why won't he tell us if he knows?"  
  
"My...father did that. He was angry with Rei. He's the one that beat her. There's your answer. Happy now?" he then walked to his room and shut the door behind him. No one said anything. They weren't expecting that to have happened. But it did make a lot of sense. Who else could have done it?  
  
Asuka knew that she went a bit too far that time. She of course didn't want to admit it, so she just got up and went to her room.  
  
"maybe we should talk to them," Hikari said. "I know I should talk to Shinji first. He's the reason I came really. I have something I need to tell him."  
  
Hikari walked down the hall and read the sigh on the door. Rei and Shinji's lovely suite. A smile crossed her lips as she pushed open the door. "Shinji? I need to talk to you. It's important."  
  
"What about?"  
  
"Toji said that after you heard what happened to my sisters you...hurt yourself. I know that helped push you to do it. I...just wanted to say...I'm sorry Shinji. I don't want you to think that it's your fault."  
  
"Then whose fault is it?"  
  
"People don't always have to take the blame for mistakes Shinji. Sometimes things just happen. A lot rides on you, but not everything. Maybe you should take some time to yourself and sort out what's bugging you. That's what I did, and now I can face my problems. "  
  
Shinji whispered very lowly so Hikari couldn't hear, "words of encouragement."  
  
"What you say?"  
  
"Nothing...thanks Hikari. I did something I regret now. I'm gonna take some time to myself. You're the second person to say I should do so."  
  
Rei was finished with her shower by then and stood beside Hikari looking at Shinji. "Never give up Shinji. We need you." Hikari's words made Rei eyes widen. She remembered those being the last words that she had heard in unit 01. Hikari turned and looked at Rei. "You either Rei. Don't let things get you down." she put her hand on her shoulder then walked back to the living room.  
  
"Hikari's words have reminded me of past memories."  
  
"Memories of what Rei?"  
  
"Of what happened in Unit 01. And of...dreams I have had. I have been having more memories fill my thoughts recently. The short while I was in the shower I came to a disturbing realization of myself. "  
  
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong Rei?"  
  
"I never remember being a child except for one memory. But I know that it could not be a real memory. I have always had dreams of it but now that I think of it more...I do not believe it is just a mere dream."  
  
Shinji sat Rei down on the bed because now she was looking like she was about to faint.  
  
"Inside unit 01 a voiced asked me who I was. I said that I was Rei Ayanami, but now I do not think that I am."  
  
"What are you talking about Rei? Who do you think you are?"  
  
"I remember dieing Shinji. I remember being choked to death."  
  
"You know that cant be true Rei. You're still here talking to me. You couldn't have been killed."  
  
"I am the second Rei. I was cloned after I was killed. The commander saw fit to bring me back."  
  
"who...why...who do you think killed you?"  
  
"I can not recognize her. But I do remember hearing a gunshot."  
  
"It can't be true Rei, that couldn't have happened. You...are you really a clone?"  
  
"I believe so Shinji. My experience in unit 01 today has brought about me questioning myself. I do not even think that I am fully human anymore. I do not know how to grasp these perplexed feelings."  
  
"We need time to think. I need to think about everything. And I don't know how long that'll take. I need to go somewhere. Somewhere I haven't been for a long time." Shinji then got a backpack and stuffed some clothes into it.  
  
"Shinji...please don't. I..." Rei couldn't say anymore because her eyes were starting to tear up.  
  
"I'm sorry Rei, this is important. Something in unit 01 made me question myself too. I need to find the answer for myself." Shinji remembered one thing in particular that voice said. How can you help others up from a fall, if you yourself are not standing strong?  
  
Rei didn't expect Shinji to leave. That was the last thing that she would ever think of. "Don't leave Shinji. I do not want you to leave me. I'm sorry for telling you."  
  
Seeing tears roll down Rei's cheeks Shinji knew that she was still a human being after all. No matter what she thought. "It's nothing you said Rei. It just something I've been putting off for years. I think its time I gave someone a visit. It always helped me stay strong."  
  
"Please Shinji. Don't, I could not bare to never see you again."  
  
"What? Rei I'm coming back, that you can count on. I need to sort things out, that's all. I swear I'll be back Rei."  
  
"How long will you be gone?"  
  
"I don't know. But I'm leaving now." Shinji picked up his bag and turned to take a last look at Rei before he left. She was still broken up about it. Somehow he thought that she did not believe that he would be coming back. Shinji walked over to Rei and gave her an immense embrace. He pulled back and looked in her eyes. "I'm coming back Rei. I swear," Rei then leaned in and gently brush her lips against Shinji's.  
  
"I shall wait for you then Shinji."  
  
+++  
  
Hikari was now in Asuka's room. Toji and Kensuke were still sitting on the couch talking amongst themselves because Misato was in her room with the excuse of going through some papers really quick. In reality she was going over what she would tell Toji. He was the fourth child and would become a pilot as soon as unit 03 was sent from America.  
  
She came out and saw him and Kensuke sitting there, looking bored out of their minds. "Um hey can I borrow Toji for a second. I need to talk to him really quick."  
  
"Uhh sure," Toji responded.  
  
"You can help yourself to anything in the kitchen Kensuke, we won't be long."  
  
Misato lead Toji out onto the balcony. That way they wouldn't be interrupted.  
  
"So what's up?" Toji said to fill the silence.  
  
"You know how it is we chose pilots right? By the Marduke report. It chooses the best possible candidates for the Eva. You've been chosen as the fourth child. The pilot of unit 03."  
  
"What if I refuse? What if I don't want to be a pilot?"  
  
"We can always get someone else but there's a chance it could be one of your friends or someone you know. And I was told to tell you that we could get your sister the best treatment available. NERV will pay for everything. Unit 03 isn't even in the same continent as us. It'll be a while before it gets here."  
  
Toji stared out in the distance. He knew that that would be his reason why he would pilot. He didn't want to take a chance in passing up such a good opportunity for his sister. "I'll do it for my sister."  
  
"So how are you going to tell everyone?"  
  
" I don't think I will. Not until I have to at least. When does unit 03 get here?"  
  
"I'm not sure. Our estimated time is about a month. So you have a month to get things in order. You should talk to Shinji, Rei or Asuka about what its like, if you wanna know."  
  
"From knowing those three I know what it's like... I'll do anything for my sister." Toji opened the sliding door and went back in the house. Misato took a moment to think on how she probably just ruined that boy's life just now. She hated NERV so much.  
  
+++++On a secured line+++++  
  
"Commander, its Ritsuko. I have some information on Rei."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Her brain waves indicate increased activities in parts that we have purposely made dormant."  
  
"Which parts?"  
  
"The parts that affect long term memories."  
  
"Come up with a way to fix it. If not then we will have to have her replaced. I want your solution to the problem soon." -------- +++++  
  
A/N: so comes the end of another chapter. Please take some time to review now, I know if you read all this then you can spare some review time. Please? 


	12. concern

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of its characters, plots and ideas etc. etc.

A/N: thought I was gone for good did you? Some crazy bad stuff kept me from this, but it's all good for now. I have this completed in a notebook somewhere, just a matter of typing it out. May take some time as I don't have a proof reader anymore . . .

Chapter 12: old habits are hard to break

By: clear shot

Nothing is what it seems to be. Solemn times can only be brought up after you realized what you had was a good thing after all. Time to go back to routine, a place where you're comfortable.

-------

"You have called for me doctor?"

"The commander's doll is right on time."

"I am not his doll."

"Shut the fuck up you little bitch. You've done nothing but stand in my way."

"...I did not mean to. I do not feel the same feelings as I once had for the commander. I am sorry."

"I am too," three shots echoed in Rei's ears as she felt herself falling to the floor. She laid there for a moment and closed her eyes.

When Rei opened her eyes she was lying in her bed holding where she imagined the bullets to have hit. It was all a dream. She didn't like the fact that every dream she had ever had was a dream of pain and her death. She looked over to Shinji's bed hoping to ask him about her dream, only to remember that he had left. He had left her alone again.

Rei didn't even know if Misato and Asuka had known that he left. She really didn't care. She just wanted him back. What time is it? she fell asleep fifteen minutes after Shinji had left, and slept for half an hour.

It appeared to her that no one had stepped foot in her room after she fell asleep. So indeed no one knew he was gone. Rei could do nothing but go back in the shell that she had been living in, before she met Shinji. Yet she still wanted to pass the time, without sleeping though. Sleep was not worth the pain it brought.

"Hey Toji, what Misato talk with you about?"

"Ah nothing, she's just worried about Shinji."

"C'mon Toji don't lie to me. I bet she told you NERV's secrets and you're not allowed to tell me."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'll just use my own sources to get the information I want then. I don't need yours or Shinji's help. Hey, Shinji hasn't come out of his room since he had the little tiff with Asuka."

"Yeah right, little tiff."

"Let's go and cheer him up. Unless Ayanami is doing his cheering up."

"heh, ok fine, lets get em out of here."

Toji took a last look at the balcony. His life would change very abruptly soon. Until then, he wanted to live like a normal kid, if only for a little while longer.

Kensuke and Toji got to Shinji and Rei's room and stood there for a moment, now feeling nervous with their decision. They didn't know Rei as well as they liked to. Who knows how she would take their interruption.

Kensuke tapped gently on the door. "Shinji? Ayanami? Are you two decent in there." with not even a movement inside the room Kensuke could do nothing but look at Toji. "Think we should just open the door Toj?"

"The hell would I know?"

Kensuke pushed the door open. Nothing could be seen because it was dark in the room. "Shinji? Ayanami? They came in here didn't they Toj?"

"Let's find the light."

Kensuke felt up the side of the wall looking for a light switch. When he finally found it they saw that Rei was just lying in her bed facing away from them. They both knew that something was wrong.

"Sorry about barging in like that, Ayanami. We were looking for uh...Shinji... yeah, we were looking for Shinji."

Rei sat up and stared past them for a moment. Like they weren't even there. That just proved both their thoughts right. Something was definitely wrong. Rei was acting like her old self again. Something they hadn't seen since before Shinji came to Tokyo-3. Now they couldn't help but wonder where Shinji was.

"Ayanami?"

Rei ignored them. She wanted comfort again. But without Shinji to even talk to, she didn't know what to do. She sat there wishing someone would tell her what to do, someone to order her not to have a hollow feeling inside. She knew even though she wouldn't be able to follow that order, she would find comfort in trying to strive toward it. She couldn't do it by herself.

"No more orders." Rei whispered.

Rei put on a pair of her socks and walked out of the room, leaving a confused Toji and Kensuke looking at each other. Rei never even looked back or told them to leave. They had to tell someone about Rei. The thought struck them at the same time. "We gotta tell Misato what's up."

"Hey ken... you think we should follow her?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. Maybe she wants to be alone. Or maybe she went to go look for Shinji, they probably had a fight or something."

"Some fight. So what should we do then? Just tell Misato? Or are we jumping the gun here?"

"I guess its better safe than sorry. Who knows if she'll hurt herself? We all know what Shinji did to himself, and Rei is in the same predicament. Let's hope that she has a more constructive way of relieving her stress until we let Misato know."

He left because his feelings for me were unclear. He did not think that I would be able to understand. I do not think I would have understood him if he had told me what was going troubling him. He has chosen solitude over me. I believe that it is best. Or is it that knowing of some of my origin, he cannot trust me as he says he can. I do not know if there is a was for me to know his true feelings.

Rei stood at the edge looking down. She let herself fall what seemed like an eternity, but at the last moment moved in the air to dive perfectly in the school pool.

Perhaps I shall just ask him to answer me honestly.

Rei felt at ease when she was swimming. The water was so much more comforting than the LCL she had spent a lot of time in testing. It was the one place that Gendo let her go by herself when she was young. He would leave and she would swim until he got back. In there she couldn't hear anyone but herself. That was the only place she worries about herself alone. Now however, she had to think about everything that she was starting to remember that she hadn't before. Her memories would help save lives according to Misato. She had to focus.

NERV+

Gendo pressed a call button on his desk. I man answered him.

"Yes sir?"

"I would like for you to bring in the first child. I have some questions I need to ask her."

"Right away sir."

"Do not harm her. She will obey if you say the order is from me."

"Yes sir."

Gendo sat down behind his desk with a slight smile on his face. He knew that Rei had memories returning, he just needed to know if it would at all threaten the scenario. It was time to tighten his grip on her. But this time he would use cleverer means in doing so.

Katsuragi's residence+

Misato was still standing on the balcony, just thinking about everything. She rubbed the small cross hanging around her neck every now and then. She knew why she joined NERV. But she didn't think that it would have such an awful toll on her life.

Tappings on glass made her turn her head to investigate. Kensuke had a grin and said threw the glass that he and Toji had something to tell her. She gave an exhausted smile and slid open the door. "What's up you two?"

"Well I don't know if this is as serious as we think it is, but we can't find Shinji, and when we asked Rei about it, she ignored us. I know it fits their personalities, but they're acting like there old selves, and we don't think that's such a good thing."

"Yeah. Maybe we're just jumpy cause of what happened to Shinji. But we're worried about them," Toji threw in after Kensuke's explanation.

"Oh you two. Don't worry about them. That's just in their nature. Old habits are hard to break." Misato said giving a fake uneasy laugh at the end. "Why don't you two just head on home. I'll tell Shinji to give you a call when he gets home."

"Yeah that's probably best," Toji said. "I'll go get Hikari."

Toji went to Asuka's room and Kensuke made his way to the door to get his shoes on. Misato's little front she put up about not being concerned was working to buy her some time. Plus she liked to panic in front of as few people as possible. She was on the verge of pulling her hair out worrying about those two.

After saying goodbye to Toji, Hikari, and Kensuke, Misato sat on the couch to gather her thoughts. Should she call NERV and say that she didn't know where the kids were. She immediately said no to that one, at least for now. She could try and get a hold of Kaji and Ritsuko so they could keep their eyes out for them. Ok that's a start. Then I'll get Asuka and we'll drive around for them.

"Misato! Where is that baka and wondergirl?"

"Umm I'm not sure right now. I was just about to make a few calls to see where they could be." Misato said trying to hide how nervous she was

"Just forget about them, they'll be back depressed in their room by the end of the night. Besides, this place was getting crowded anyway." Asuka grabbed a towel and headed to take a shower.

I'll just leave her here I guess, someone will have to answer the phone if one of them calls.

Misato opened up her cell phone and called Kaji first. All she got was his answering machine, which she knew she would. She didn't leave a message because she knew she would sound to aggravated. Kaji wouldn't let her hear the end of that if nothing was the matter, she thought.

Misato knew that Ritsuko would answer her phone at NERV. She was always there at odd hours. From what Rei said she still didn't know if she could trust her with the kids anymore. But she had to take a chance this time. Shinji and Rei might get hurt, and she couldn't have that on her conscience.

Only one ring and Ritsuko answered her phone.

"Hello, Akagi speaking"

"Hi Ritsuko, I have a little problem here."

"And what's new Misato."

"Well...I don't know where Shinji and Rei are, and I don't even think there together. I think she went looking for Shinji. But doesn't section 2 know where they're at?"

"You better pray they do Misato. That's a real bad move on your part; the commander's going to chew you out if something happens to them."

"I know, just get a hold of section 2 and ask please. I'm gonna drive around a bit and look, Asuka will be here to take calls or see if they come back." Misato was walking around the house looking for some signs of here they could have gone when she decided to go into Shinji and Rei's room. When she saw that most of Shinji's things were gone, she sighed sadly. "I have to go Ritsuko, call me when you get word from section 2."

So he ran away? And it Looks like Rei intends to find him. I don't blame him for running, but I know that won't make him happy. I just hope Rei doesn't get hurt if he doesn't come back. With that final thought Misato shouted threw the bathroom door, "hey Asuka if anyone calls about Shinji or Rei call me on my cell." After hearing a grumbled agreement she bolted out the door.

-----

Asuka honestly didn't know much about Shinji and Rei but she already had resentment for both of them. The way they needed each other, they way they thought that they were better than her. Almost everything about them made Asuka want to hate them more. Asuka would never admit she wanted them as friends or even acquaintances, cause she didn't know what it was like to have a people to call her friends.

Both Rei and Shinji were so much like Asuka that she hated it. She hated herself even though that was the only person she gave praise to. With them gone she was hoping that more attention would be on her for a time being but she knew that it wouldn't. Everyone would be looking for them and worrying about them.

They're probably just doing this for attention. That figures, they can't get it any other way can they. They're so pathetic. Running away together, what a fairytale. Asuka didn't know that Rei went to look for Shinji and that both were on the verge of nervous breakdown. Even if she did she wouldn't think different.

She finished with her shower, dried off, and got dressed. She was going to listen to Misato and wait for the calls, but she told herself she would only so she could know what to yell to them about.

While she was waiting she thought about that girl Hikari. She seemed like a nice person, and the only normal person at school. Asuka found someone she could hang out with and hopefully have her back hen she tormented people. To bad she suck good friends with the stooges and wonder girl. now Asuka had and excuse to get to know Rei and Shinji more. If she hung out with Hikari she would run into Shinji and Rei more often, hoping to get something on them.

She couldn't wait till someone found them.

Misato had been driving around town for nearly two hours by now. She was very worried because Ritsuko hadn't called her back. That could only mean that it wasn't good news. Ritsuko probably went right into action when the problem came up.

By now the sun was beginning to set. Misato knew that she couldn't go looking in the dark so she thought she would check the school. She was running out of ideas. As she pulled up she saw two cars parked in the parking lot. She recognized them as section 2's cars.

She couldn't keep her curiosity contained; she had to see why they were there. She quietly exited her car and ran in the building. Since the cars were parked closest to the gym she would start there. As she opened the door to look down the corridor she saw a section two agent walk in the swimming room of the gym. Quietly stalking them she got into a position where she would have a view and still be out of sight.

Rei had been doing laps in the pool for hours and she didn't even know it. Time wasn't important to her. She had taken this time to think about everything. Everything from her purpose in life, to why people acted the way they did. She did not make much progress though. She was very confused and very vulnerable, almost enough to be afraid.

Rei saw that it was now getting dark, so she thought it would be best to go home and wait. Climbing out of the pool she saw four men coming towards her. The man in the lead said to her, "you are required at NERV." Rei stared at the man defiantly, and then began to walk past them.

One of the men made to grab Rei from her shoulder, but was restrained by the leader. "It is a direct order from the commander, miss Ayanami." That stopped Rei dead in her tracks. She didn't know what to do, but she knew that they would not give her time to think about it.

"I shall change then be right back." The agents nodded and she proceeded to the locker rooms. At least this way she could buy enough time to think about what she could say, and what she should reveal to him, if anything.

By Misato had seen everything. She knew she couldn't get in their way. There was no point in staying any longer, NERV had Rei, and Misato knew that they were going to ask her many questions about Shinji. She could only assume that Ritsuko had a hand in this. She was angry with herself for telling Ritsuko now. She didn't need anyone's help, she could have found Rei on her own and spared her of section 2.

All Misato could do now, was feel disappointment in her decision. Now she knew she had to get to the bottom of where Ritsuko's loyalties lied. She could not afford another mistake when it came to trusting her.

The night was colder than Shinji thought it would be. He still hadn't had time to recover from his mishap in unit-01. The whole time he was gone he had been walking, with no particular destination. He just needed some air, and time.

The main thought on his mind was what Rei had told him. How could she be a clone, and of who? He would never go as far as call her not human, but she obviously wasn't normal. This was intriguing to him, yet it also scared him more than he thought possible.

For a while he couldn't remember why he was running, but the fact is, he was. No matter how many times he told himself not to run, he still couldn't resist this time. He used the excuse that the presence in unit-01 had told him to leave, but now he was thinking that it was all a test. Perhaps he should have stayed and tried to help, himself and Rei.

Thoughts of suicide began filling his mind again, but now he knew how much it would hurt Rei. Then again, he thought that he was a burden that would be better of lifted from her. Like pulling a Band-Aid off, it hurts but it has to be done. But what if he was the only thing keeping Rei bound to her sanity. Could he do such a selfish act again? He already swore he wouldn't but there would always be that temptation, just another way of running.

If he ever got the nerve to go back and face Rei he would first and foremost ask for her forgiveness. Until then he would keep walking, and hoping something would come to him like a revelation. But he was still running away.

Off in the distance Shinji saw a person standing out in the open, looking towards the city. He thought about avoiding the person and walking the other way, but the only other way was back, and he wasn't ready for that yet. So Shinji proceeded forward hoping that he would just be ignored like all the other times in his life.

Every step that brought him closer made him tense. The last thing he wanted was to have to talk to someone he didn't even know.

As the person came into view he saw that it was a man. On closer inspection he saw it was Kaji. He didn't expect to see him there, of all places.

"Hey Shinji, what are you doing here?"

Rei came up with a position on how she would talk to Gendo. She would avoid his questions as best she could, but try not to lie. She still wasn't sure if she could lie to the commander's face. He has always had a control on her that she couldn't explain.

Rei informed the guards that she was ready, and was escorted to NERV, hoping that she would not anger the commander. He would only punish her and when Shinji was found, he would certainly not feel welcomed from the commander.

Shinji walked closer looking as if he couldn't believe his eyes. "Mr. Kaji? Umm...I just wanted...I just need to get out on my own...for a while." Shinji only took a glance at Kaji and said most of this looking at the ground. Shinji was feeling ashamed for doing something that was solely for himself. He thought Kaji would look down on him for thinking he need to help himself and neglect the others.

"I know what you mean Shinji. Sometimes I come out her just to be alone. Work gets hard, and we all need a break some times."

"Really? I mean... how can spending time by your-self really help anyone."

"Think of it this way Shinji, who understands you more than you."

Kaji's words were having a great effect on Shinji. Shinji couldn't say then, but he was glad that he ran into someone. He kept telling himself that he wanted to be alone, but company had its up sides as well.

"But Mr. Kaji. I can't help anyone if I'm out here by myself. I can't even start up unit 01. I can't protect anyone when I just keep running away." Now Shinji seemed like he was talking to himself. Trying to convince himself of something. Kaji knew what Shinji was going threw.

"Listen Shinji. Sometimes you have to just stop worrying about others, and help yourself first. There's no way in hell you can save anyone if you can't even help yourself. The problem is that you don't want to help yourself. How about thinking this way then...if you really want to help everyone, the only way that it's possible is to come to terms with yourself, and your problems."

"How? When can I go back and face everyone again."

"When you're ready, you won't have a doubt whether to go back or not. You'll probably even look forward to it."

"I don't know"

"Ok, then why did you leave in the first place?"

"Because..." Shinji knew why he left but he didn't believe it. He left because there was so much change. So much suffering that wasn't just his alone. He left because he was scared. Not because a voice inside his head said it would be best, that was his lie to himself.

Kaji saw the boy's inner turmoil; he knew he couldn't help him. He could only hope. "See ya around Shinji."

Shinji didn't even realize that Kaji had left; he didn't even hear him anymore. Shinji walked over a hill in the distance and found a bench to sit on. He didn't even think about it, his body willed itself to find somewhere to sit.

He didn't know whether to cry or laugh now. He could simple just go back and ask for forgiveness... or not.

Rei was escorted to NERV without trouble. She obediently followed her escorts down to Gendo's office as well. When they stopped at the closed door she hesitated for a moment. She knew what was expected of her now, as she knocked on the door she was ready for whatever harsh words or abuse was waiting for her. She heard Gendo say, "come in Rei," from behind the door.

"Rei, may I ask where Shinji is?"

"I do not know commander."

"Do you know why he has left the Katsuragi residence?"

"No sir, he was vague on his reasons for leaving."

"I see. So how are you feeling Rei?"

That question certainly caught Rei off guard. She had come to the commander expecting him to be angry. She was expecting some more punishment, and to hear the concern in his voice like he had given her when she was a child confused her to say the least. She wanted to smile, but thought that would anger the commander. She asserted herself into making a sufficient response for him.

"I feel... well."

"Good, I knew that you would be able to make it through these hard times."

Rei stared at him with a confused look that only Gendo would be able to recognize.

"I am sorry that I have put you through such an excruciating test, but it was needed for you to start fulfilling your purpose."

Rei heard the sincerity in his voice but couldn't tell if he was trying to trick her, or if he had really been testing her the whole time. She couldn't tell anymore. She wanted it all to be true, but she was smarter than that. She knew that he couldn't have done all that just for a test. But the tone in his voice made it all seem all right. She had missed that in him.

Then Gendo asked something that almost made Rei decide he had changed for the better. "How are you feeling Rei?" he would only ask her that after he had had a good day, it would always make her feel special, more human in a sense. And Gendo knew that.

Misato answered her cell phone, "yes? Okay, I'll be right there." Gendo wanted to see her right away. 'Damn it, they got Rei and now they want to see me. Did Ritsuko sell me out?'

Rei sat outside Gendo's office after they had their little chat. He never raised his voice; he never made her feel insecure or troubled. He just talked like he did before… before all of this happened. 'Did I finally please the commander? I must have done what is right. Yet, why do I feel so anxious waiting for the captain then? What is out of place?'

"Rei! I'm sorry I couldn't get to you before…" Misato stopped when she saw Ritsuko walking towards them. "Was it you Ritsuko? Did you sell me out?"

"The commander wants to see you, Captain." Ritsuko said. Misato looked back at Rei, and then walked past Ritsuko quickly to keep her self from screaming at the woman she thought of as her friend.

Misato walked in front of the commander's desk with somewhat of a defiant look. "Yes sir. You wanted to see me."

"You volunteered to take the pilots in, and yet you can not keep track of them even. I was just informed that the third child is missing as well. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"These kids are having a hard time dealing with saving the world by themselves! Shinji attempted suicide, now he ran away! Asuka refuses to interact with anyone, and Rei who has so much trouble expressing herself wanted time alone. She was probably relieving stress when section 2 picked her up by the pool." Misato let her emotion get the better of her.

"Thank you for the report on their mental conditions captain. Keep me informed, that is all." Gendo said as he spun his chair around. That was when Misato knew she had been tricked. She told him everything and the reports were complete contradiction of what had actually happened.

Misto nearly stumble out of the commander's office. 'I can't believe that I fell for that. Damn him. He's always one step ahead of everything.' She sat down next to Rei outside the office.

"I don't know how we'll be able to do this with ought falling right into his hands, Rei." Rei didn't seem like she heard her.

Misato stood slowly, "c'mon Rei, let's…" an alarm sounded throughout NERV. Misato's cell phone rang.

"Get Asuka down to NERV, tell Rei to suit up. It's an angel." Fuyutski's voice said and hung up.

"Get ready Rei, I need to get Asuka, hurry."

Shinji was sitting on a field of grass staring into the city. He saw it slowly sink into the ground, bracing for an attack. He shuttered at the thought of another angel attack. "Why again?" he stood, then shook his head. "They don't need me. No one needs me." He lay down again and closed his eyes.

"What the hell is that noise?" Asuka looked out the balcony and saw a dozen fighter jets fly over. "Yes, show time. Now they'll see how things should be done. With the wonder kids gone, it means its all on me."

Asuka ran down stairs just as Mistato was pulling up. She smiled, "I knew you'd come crawling for my help."

"Come on Asuka, they sighted an angel coming towards land."

Asuka felt like she could take on the world by herself at that point. She loved the feeling of being the only person with power to do anything. "I can't wait to take down that angel. I didn't need those wonder kids help anyway."

"They found Rei, she'll be your back up in unit 01. We don't know much about the angel so you'll get a full briefing after you're suited up." Misato got to NERV in record time, and they were lowered to the geo front. 'Damn Shinji, where the hell are you?"

In NERV control Gendo sat at the head, watching the engineers get information on the angel. Doctor Akagi was issuing the commands so far.

"Configure unit 01 for Rei, two minutes. Get some visuals on the angel, we need a strategy. Ready unit 02 for launch, Asuka is on her way."

Rei came to the control room in her plug suit and went to Gendo. "Get ready to launch Rei, and then wait for orders." Rei left and followed orders.

Misato came in the control room, putting on her jacket, "where is the angel?"

"it's headed to land, we haven't got much time before it arrives.." Ritsuko said.

Gendo was thinking out a plan, trying to see all the possibilities of the attack, 'where is the third? Unit 01 was designed with him in mind, I need him to pilot.' His pager went off on silent vibrate. What looked like random numbers was actually code for SEELE calling a meeting.. he wasn't about to deny them his presence, they probably thought that the angel attack would keep him from attending.

"Captain Katsuragi, I'm leaving you in head of operations, do not disappoint me." Everyone was stunned that he would have some place else to be at a time like this. Without another word he took the lift down and out.

"I don't believe it…" Ritsuko said.

Misato was baffeled as everyone but recovered the quickest. 'Maybe this is a test for me?'

"Okay everyone, let's focus. I want units 01 and 02 airborne with mobile powercables at the shoreline. We'll try not to engage in the city. Get moving people!" Misato went over to Maya's station, "Rei, Asuka, you read?"

"Yes." They said simotainiously.

"You're going airborne to engage the angel at the shore. Rei, I want you back with a rifle, your synch is not as high as it is in unit 00. Asuka, I want you to engage then pull back. I want to see how it fights before we make a solid attack plan. Otherwise just don't get killed… are the transporst ready yet?"

"Yes ma'am"

"Launch Evas!"

The Evas were airborne for one whole minute. The freefall landing went exactly as planed. Once they had the power cables attached they took up their positions. They had a few minutes to wait for the arrival.

"Why didn't I get my first real battle in Japan as a solo? Two on one is not a fair fight." Asuka complain to no one in particular.

"Survivability takes presidence over fairness Asuka. So stick with the plan. Rei, constant shots with the rifle, close in slowly and try to stay covered. Asuka get mid ranged and look for an opening. Quick attack then out, I don't want you trying for a fast kill. We still don't know how it will react."

"Understood." Rei said.

Asuka opened a channel to Rei, "Don't bother to get dirty wondergirl, this ones mine."

The angels shadow underneath the water approached the shore, and slowly rose out of the water. When it was completely upright, Rei opened fire. Asuka however mad a mad dash at the angel with a spear in hand.

"Unit 02 you are entering my line of fire!" Rei shouted with no avail. She had to hold her fire to keep from hitting Asuka. 'She is so reckless, and to disobey a direct order…' Asuka then cut the angel in half, right down the center. Rei looked on concerned, 'it's not over yet…'

Unit 02 went sailing through the air colliding with the mountains a quarter mile behind them. The angel had sent an energy wave that made direct contact. Asuka didn't make a sound as she lifelessly hit the ground. Rei pulled out her progressive knife as the angel approached her. She saw something in the corner of her eye, it was the replica that the angel had created of itself as it was split in two. She knew a hopeless situation when she saw one. She only had time to put up her hands as she felt energy gather and fly at her full force from the angel. Her and unit 01 went skidding across the ocean surface.

"Unit 02 slid into the mountain pass, it's stuck there, Asuka doesn't appear to be hurt. Rei is unconscious, unit 01 went off line. The U.N is sending a message…" Maya read it to everyone as it came in. " the Eva's have failed, we'll lure the angel to and unpopulated area and use N2 mines. Stand by."

"Damn it, why's this happening now?" Misato slammed her hand on the control panel. "Get the pilots back here and get unit 02 out of the dirt."

"Yes ma'am"

Asuka was furious, shouting so much to control that they shut off her communications. Rei just laid unconscious in her entry plug. 'Half alive? Why are you here Rei? You are not supposed to be here. Not yet. Wake up.' An omnipotent voice spoke, she was too terrified to respond. She felt the warmth of light on her face as she woke up in a carrier heading back to NERV. "Miss Ayanami is awake; we're on approach, over."

Shinji saw it all happen from afar. The Eva's attacking and failing, and then the pilots being retrieved after the angel was drawn away by the U.N. When he saw the jest leave the area surrounding the angel in one quick action, he knew what was coming and dove for cover. The shockwave threw debris over him for what felt like forever.

When everything finally stopped shaking he stood up and saw what was left of the angel. It looked like two separate heaps of metal. It wasn't dead, but the mountains were gone. 'I have to get back to NERV. Piloting unit 01 is my responsibility, not Rei's. Who cares what the voices say, I have to listen to myself. What am I even doing out here? Someone actually needs me.'

Asuka and Rei were taken to the board room to review the situation. "What the hell did you think you were doing wonder girl? If you wouldn't have gotten involved, I could have handled it." Asuka shouted at Rei. Rei just sat and looked at the projection screen of the injured angel.

"Asuka that's enough, sit down." Fyutski said. "We were completely unprepared and you made a fool of us. The U.N hit it with a N2 mine, putting it out of commission for now. Our estimation is six days until it regenerates itself fully. We need to come up with a plan before then. I'll inform commander Ikari about this personally. Katsurai, I'll expect some sort of solution and the reports taken care of ASAP." Fuyitski left.

Once Fuyitski left, Asuka tried to blame it all on Rei again. She was basicallu ignored by everyone this time.

"At least we have some time to recover, what more could we ask for?" Kaji said.

"From our analysis the angel has the ability to divide its core in two selves. Each one is just as powerful as if it was whole, and yet it is much quicker." Maya said.

Ritsuko got up and turned off the projector. She looked at Asuka pouting and Rei staring off into screen where the image was. "Why don't we take some time to think about this? Asuka, Rei, go change out of your plug suits and meet us in the control room. And by the way Rei. Does your head still hurt? Any dizziness?"

"Yes doctor."

"Report to the medical wing before the control room. Asuka you could accompany her please."

"Why do I have to walk the doll around?" She said under her breath.

Gendo's office+

Gendo sat in the SEELE meeting with his attention in two places. From his desk he saw thw whole incident with the Eva's and heard the committee members babble on, obviously more testy than usual.

"Listen Ikari, the cost for NERV has raised a few eyebrows, we can't keep up the funds if you keep destroying the city and you Evangelions every time an angel attacks. The repair costs for unit 00 can well exceed your limit. Remember our priority, the human enhancement project. Don't get careless when there is still so much to come." The images faded one by one leaving Gendo to sit in the darkness for nearly a minute before Fuyutski knocked at the door.

"Come in Fuyutski."

He walked in knowing that Gendo already knew everything that had happened with the attack. "What are your plans for the angel attack Ikari?"

Gendo just smiled at a monitor. "Let Katsuragi deal with matter for now... Shinji just swiped his security card. I'll meet him before he gets to Rei."

in the locker rooms+

"Did you see Misato's face when sub commander Fyutski said he was going to report to the commander? She looked sick." Asuka tried to talk to Rei whiel they changed. "You know, I could have taken care of that angel, but I had to watch out for you wondergirl. Your synch ratio isn't nearly as high as mine...you got a wittle bump on your head? Hehe. Your as tough as glass." Asuka was ready and waited while Rei tied her shoes. "Why the hell don't you talk? You're hopeless." Asukuia growled.

Rei stood up and felt light headed, staggering forward. Asuka instinctively caught Rei before she lost her balance. "Lucky I'm here eh wondergirl? What would you do without me?" Rei looked like she had a splitting headache. "Maybe you did get hurt. Come on then, I see you do need my help then." She straightened Rei up. "Don't be so dramatic." She said as she led her out.

elevator. +

'I hate this place. How did I get caught up in all of this... my fathers fault, as usual. He's the source of all my pain. But...what happened to Rei in unit 01? Will she forgive me for leaving when she needed me? Is she hurt? I need to see her.' The elevator ride was tormenting. Each floor just clicked by slowly until it suddenly chimed and slid the doors slid open. Shinji felt insignificant when he saw his father standing outside, staring down at him through his sun glasses.

"Follow me third child." Gendo turned and walked down the hall. Shinji knew he had no choice but to follow him. Gendo opened the door to his office and walked to a display on the wall, crossing his hands behind his back. He didn't turn when he spoke to Shinji.

"What made you come back?"

"I had to pilot unit 01."

"Oh? You know your place then third child." Gendo turned to face Shinji. "I want this to be the last time you run away like a coward, third child. All your life you've been running. But now you have a purpose, to destroy the enemy, the angels." Shinji felt that Gendo had the power to take anything and everything away from him, just reminding him how pathetic he felt.

"No more disobedience from you, none at all. You would not want to disobey me. Things may get difficult for you if you do. I'm keeping you under survalence. Go back to your residence and wait for orders. Dismissed." Shinji was wide eyed and shaken as he left the office with his head hung low.

Once the door was closed Gendo pressed the comm. Button. "Alert section 2 that the third has returned and should be kept under surveillance. Inform Katsuragi that the third has returned as well...and tell Dr. Akagi to report at 1600hours."

"Yes sir."

Rei followed the impatient Asuka to so the doctor. She didn't know the doctors name even though she had been treated by her more than a normal person would even see a doctor.

"Wonder girl almost passed out in the locker rooms. Dr. Akagi said to bring her." Asuka said as she plopped herself on a cushy seat. The doctor patted the exam table for Rei to sit. She shinned a flashlight in Rei's eyes.

"You've got a mild concussion Rei." The doctor felt Rei's head gently, "and a nasty lump too, well... it'll be a nasty lump soon." The doctor sighed. "You're in here too much Rei, want a minor pain reliever?"

"Yes." Rei took the pills and dry swallowed them. The doctor cracked a small ice pack and held it to Rei's head as she wrapped it. "This will make you feel better soon. Take it off in an hour, okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

Rei felt the relief start to take place. 'I have failed to complete an order. How will I be punished? When will I be able to speak with Shinji again? If ever...' Rei noticed Asuka reading a magazine that was left lying around. 'Have I misjudged pilot Soryu? She disobeyed an order and endangered both our lives, and yet she helped me seek medical attention. I do not understand her, do I hate her?'

"Rei? Any other injuries?" Rei slowly shook her head. "Please be careful out there, up we go, easy now." The doctor helped her up. "If you have any more dizziness or blackouts come back right away, okay? Bye now."

"About time. I can't wait till we can get back out there and get our honor back from that angel. Misato better have a realistic plan." They walked to the elevators. "I hope unit 02 is ready to go." The elevator door slid open before they had a chance to press a button.

"Rei thought that she was hallucinating. "Shinji?"

"I was wondering when you'd show your face again third child. Why'd you come back? Didn't think us girls could handle it? Well don't worry Shinji, I can take care of it. You're just gonna get in the way."

"Sorry..." He was leaning against the wall just looking at the floor. Rei and Asuka joined him in the elevator.

"Shinji...do not leave again." Rei said so quietly, the sound of the elevator almost overtook her voice. Shinji looked up at Rei and saw the new bandage on her head. "I'm sorry Rei. I'm...sorry."

"Yeah, yeah third child, stop apologizing. We know you came back to get back into the action. Missed piloting your precious unit 01, I know." Asuka had her arms crossed and her back to him.

"It's not that. I just couldn't turn my back on my responsibilities." Shinji said. He let his head drop and self pity take over. 'I'm pathetic. I deserve to suffer in the Eva and be my father's pawn. Is that why I pilot?'

Rei had Shinji back but didn't feel anything liked she hoped she would. 'Am I angry he left? Am I happy he returned like this?' Rei noticed the vast amount of stitches on his arm. 'I have seen him at his weakest. Returning to NERV and his fathers command does, however, show just how strong he could be. He is feeling guilty for leaving. I wish I was not so used to apathy in myself. I want to understand. I want to help. He said to ask anytime..."

"Shinji...what made you return, when it is so much pain to you?" Rei studied him. She wanted to know what could make any human being suffer when they were strong enough to be at peace somewhere else. Shinji flexed his right hand opened and closed a few times.

"Why did I come back? Maybe it was a mistake. I could have been... could have..." Asuka was anticipating the answer just as much as Rei was at this point.

"I...I don't have anything else."

Those words left nothing but silence. What could anyone say to that? Asuka felt them affect her. She couldn't believe those words were true. Asuka quickly thought of how much the Eva had occupied her life. How important it really was to her. That was her reason for never leaving, nor considering it. What else was there in their lives?

Rei saw it from a slightly different approach. Her life was controlled by Gendo before she could remember, but she never saw how sick that was until the marduke report had chosen her as the first. Gendo stopped talking to her like he cared about her, and talked now like she had no free will or emotion. Then when Shinji first came into her life, he became a part of her hell. She didn't even know anything beside what Gendo had allowed her to learn. She was sure he was still keeping her in check in some way.

Shinji had unknowingly brought all three closer at that moment by admitting to them what he truly thought. Normally he would have changed subjects or stuttered so bad he would not have answered, but his will was hanging on by a thread, he was almost defeated.

The pilots had very much in common.

AN: i'll write more as soon as i can. peace people.


End file.
